Evolution of a Woman!!!
I ask that all of you bear with me through my evolution. I asked the Holy
Spirit to guide me in writing the blog today so that I may be able to open up and
share. Sharing and revealing hurts, but it must be done in order guide me closer to
the Lord.
Its been said that people who truly care about you bring out the best of you.
When you are going through struggles of releasing your past ways to transform,
those who may or may not know you will spot it. They will tell you what you do
not wish to hear. You may fight it, accept it, or ignore it. The old Shani would
ignore it. The Shani now that is going through a transition can only take it in, learn
from it, and fix it.
Today is one of those revealing days. It started this morning. I was holding on
to something that I should have let go awhile back, but I didn’t; that specific
something about myself may not be important to all, but more so to myself.
Sometimes what we see or hear at a certain time in our life is a reflection of our
inner being. Right now I am transforming from the selfish little girl that ran away
from her problems. I now am having to be a woman, stand, and face them head-on.
I was a runner. Whenever something didn’t go my way or the way I felt it needed to
be done, I would run. When I didn’t get the right amount of time that I felt I
deserved, I would run. I would pretend to be strong, act as if nothing ever
happened, but deep down I covered up that pain. Eventually that pain catches up
with you. Today it did for me. A dear friend of mine brought that to my attention. I
know my faults, I always have, it’s just I didn’t want to deal with them. I would
brush them off and move on with my life as if no one or nothing could stop me. The
Lord has different plans! I am working on dealing with relationships. I have been in
and out of them as long as I can remember; be it with friends, family, or men. No
longer must I turn my back.
My cousin talked to me today and said that “you are at your strongest when
you are in your weakest moment.” She stated that if in fact the relationship that I
am in now is suppose to happen, it will. “He is only trying to build you up and the
Lord is using him to bring you closer to your calling.” That calling is ordering my
steps with Christ. She read to me while I listened and read along with her, II
Corinthians 12:7-10. Then she explained to me that I need to keep praying and
draw nearer to the Lord. The Lord uses people, even if they do not last in your life
forever, to show you that you still have work that needs to be done. I still have
work to do with myself. I came to the conclusion that if this relationship does or
does not work, I have learned so many things about myself. I am yet still a
frightened child inside, but I press on. If I scare friends away while not meaning to
in my process of growth, the Lord is showing me the steps that I need to take to
better myself in Him.
I apologize to those who I have hurt in the past and ask for forgiveness. I also
forgive myself. If you are also trying to grow and change from your old ways, read
the same verses that my cousin suggested I read this morning. Also listen to the
words of this song Even Me by Crystal Aikin. God Bless you always. Growth is not
easy, it hurts, brings forth tears, and reveals pain. In the end it is for the better good, being nearer to Christ.
And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance
of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger
of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning
this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart
from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My
strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will
rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest
upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in
needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am
weak, then I am strong.
II Corinthians 12:7-10
New King James Version
Spirit to guide me in writing the blog today so that I may be able to open up and
share. Sharing and revealing hurts, but it must be done in order guide me closer to
the Lord.
Its been said that people who truly care about you bring out the best of you.
When you are going through struggles of releasing your past ways to transform,
those who may or may not know you will spot it. They will tell you what you do
not wish to hear. You may fight it, accept it, or ignore it. The old Shani would
ignore it. The Shani now that is going through a transition can only take it in, learn
from it, and fix it.
Today is one of those revealing days. It started this morning. I was holding on
to something that I should have let go awhile back, but I didn’t; that specific
something about myself may not be important to all, but more so to myself.
Sometimes what we see or hear at a certain time in our life is a reflection of our
inner being. Right now I am transforming from the selfish little girl that ran away
from her problems. I now am having to be a woman, stand, and face them head-on.
I was a runner. Whenever something didn’t go my way or the way I felt it needed to
be done, I would run. When I didn’t get the right amount of time that I felt I
deserved, I would run. I would pretend to be strong, act as if nothing ever
happened, but deep down I covered up that pain. Eventually that pain catches up
with you. Today it did for me. A dear friend of mine brought that to my attention. I
know my faults, I always have, it’s just I didn’t want to deal with them. I would
brush them off and move on with my life as if no one or nothing could stop me. The
Lord has different plans! I am working on dealing with relationships. I have been in
and out of them as long as I can remember; be it with friends, family, or men. No
longer must I turn my back.
My cousin talked to me today and said that “you are at your strongest when
you are in your weakest moment.” She stated that if in fact the relationship that I
am in now is suppose to happen, it will. “He is only trying to build you up and the
Lord is using him to bring you closer to your calling.” That calling is ordering my
steps with Christ. She read to me while I listened and read along with her, II
Corinthians 12:7-10. Then she explained to me that I need to keep praying and
draw nearer to the Lord. The Lord uses people, even if they do not last in your life
forever, to show you that you still have work that needs to be done. I still have
work to do with myself. I came to the conclusion that if this relationship does or
does not work, I have learned so many things about myself. I am yet still a
frightened child inside, but I press on. If I scare friends away while not meaning to
in my process of growth, the Lord is showing me the steps that I need to take to
better myself in Him.
I apologize to those who I have hurt in the past and ask for forgiveness. I also
forgive myself. If you are also trying to grow and change from your old ways, read
the same verses that my cousin suggested I read this morning. Also listen to the
words of this song Even Me by Crystal Aikin. God Bless you always. Growth is not
easy, it hurts, brings forth tears, and reveals pain. In the end it is for the better good, being nearer to Christ.
And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance
of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger
of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning
this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart
from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My
strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will
rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest
upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in
needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am
weak, then I am strong.
II Corinthians 12:7-10
New King James Version
Great blog Sister. I know so well what you are talking about and it is very painful to decided to stop running and deal with difficult things that cause pain. I learned that same lesson that what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Thanks again for this very personal blog post. (((Hugs)))