Why Men Cheat
Why Men Cheat?
That was the name of a documentary that aired recently (August 2, 2013) on the Logo network, and once again it brings up that age old question. Why do men cheat? Do men cheat more than women? Or, as I often write about it, Is it possible to be in love and still cheat?
As a relationship coach primarily for women, I frequently see women struggling with this issue leaving her feeling rejected, unloved and angry. She begins to put up walls around her heart despite the fact that she desires to be loved and cherished by a man more than anything. But, having that trust broken, she chooses instead to withdraw, and look at every new man as a cheater or potential cheater. What I hear more than anything from these women who have experience cheating, or have close friends or family members who have been cheated on, is WHY?
It is very difficult for most women to make sense out of male cheating behavior when the man seems to have it all: a beautiful woman, a great family life, prominent job, maybe even high status. As women, we just scratch our collective female heads, and again ask WHY?
Well, this documentary provides a rather simple answer, (maybe too simple). But the experts on the show say that the culprit that makes men more likely than women to cheat is something so integral to masculinity that he can do nothing about it. That culprit is testosterone, the hormone that makes a man, well masculine. These experts associated the following traits with high testosterone men aka “Alpha Males”:
• Risk Taking
• Physical Strength
• Aggression
• Athletic Ability
• Focus
• High s*x Drive
• Virility/Sense of Power in all aspects of life
In addition, these experts say that testosterone gives most men a strong desire for s*xual variety, so that no matter how beautiful or great the woman is, he will always at least desire another s*xual mate as well. (The Eric Benet/Halle Berry marriage comes to mind.)The evolutionary advantage to this is that a man can potentially impregnate many different females, and spread his genes around that much more. This desire is so strong that the fantasy alone of having multiple partners has a physiological effect on the man’s brain. Not only does he get a s*xual charge from fantasizing or actually cheating, testosterone rewards him with a good feeling in his brain. Powerful stuff! How powerful?
Consider the cost these notable men paid for their cheating ways;
• Tiger Woods, reportedly paid his ex-wife $100,000,000 in their divorce settlement!
• Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly paid his ex-wife, Maria Shriver, $300,000,000!
• Mel Gibson reportedly paid his ex-wife, $400,000,000!
• Side note: Could it possibly have been worth it?!!! I’m Just Sayin’
The problem is that we live in a society that restrains such behavior with social and religious mores that dictate monogamy as the respectable lifestyle. However, a return to the list of characteristics reminds us that testosterone itself encourages risk taking, and that includes s*xual risk taking leading a man to want to break those social and religious rules. The more “potent” he is as an Alpha Male, the more likely he is to cheat. More than likely, he will also be able to compartmentalize his behavior as “just s*x”, whereas women have a harder time with that both as a concept, and in actually doing it. Why? Google the words estrogen and oxytocin for descriptions of these brain chemicals. These hormones tend to be more about nurturing, bonding forms of love, and which women have more of than testosterone. The average man has 10 times more testosterone than the average woman. So, do men desire s*x more than women? Do men cheat on their partners more than women? According to the hormones and the research, the general answer is yes! Is this to say that women don’t cheat? Of course not, it is simply a hormonal answer (among others) to the questions of gender differences related to s*xuality, monogamy and cultural expectations.
www.drdarnise.com
That was the name of a documentary that aired recently (August 2, 2013) on the Logo network, and once again it brings up that age old question. Why do men cheat? Do men cheat more than women? Or, as I often write about it, Is it possible to be in love and still cheat?
As a relationship coach primarily for women, I frequently see women struggling with this issue leaving her feeling rejected, unloved and angry. She begins to put up walls around her heart despite the fact that she desires to be loved and cherished by a man more than anything. But, having that trust broken, she chooses instead to withdraw, and look at every new man as a cheater or potential cheater. What I hear more than anything from these women who have experience cheating, or have close friends or family members who have been cheated on, is WHY?
It is very difficult for most women to make sense out of male cheating behavior when the man seems to have it all: a beautiful woman, a great family life, prominent job, maybe even high status. As women, we just scratch our collective female heads, and again ask WHY?
Well, this documentary provides a rather simple answer, (maybe too simple). But the experts on the show say that the culprit that makes men more likely than women to cheat is something so integral to masculinity that he can do nothing about it. That culprit is testosterone, the hormone that makes a man, well masculine. These experts associated the following traits with high testosterone men aka “Alpha Males”:
• Risk Taking
• Physical Strength
• Aggression
• Athletic Ability
• Focus
• High s*x Drive
• Virility/Sense of Power in all aspects of life
In addition, these experts say that testosterone gives most men a strong desire for s*xual variety, so that no matter how beautiful or great the woman is, he will always at least desire another s*xual mate as well. (The Eric Benet/Halle Berry marriage comes to mind.)The evolutionary advantage to this is that a man can potentially impregnate many different females, and spread his genes around that much more. This desire is so strong that the fantasy alone of having multiple partners has a physiological effect on the man’s brain. Not only does he get a s*xual charge from fantasizing or actually cheating, testosterone rewards him with a good feeling in his brain. Powerful stuff! How powerful?
Consider the cost these notable men paid for their cheating ways;
• Tiger Woods, reportedly paid his ex-wife $100,000,000 in their divorce settlement!
• Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly paid his ex-wife, Maria Shriver, $300,000,000!
• Mel Gibson reportedly paid his ex-wife, $400,000,000!
• Side note: Could it possibly have been worth it?!!! I’m Just Sayin’
The problem is that we live in a society that restrains such behavior with social and religious mores that dictate monogamy as the respectable lifestyle. However, a return to the list of characteristics reminds us that testosterone itself encourages risk taking, and that includes s*xual risk taking leading a man to want to break those social and religious rules. The more “potent” he is as an Alpha Male, the more likely he is to cheat. More than likely, he will also be able to compartmentalize his behavior as “just s*x”, whereas women have a harder time with that both as a concept, and in actually doing it. Why? Google the words estrogen and oxytocin for descriptions of these brain chemicals. These hormones tend to be more about nurturing, bonding forms of love, and which women have more of than testosterone. The average man has 10 times more testosterone than the average woman. So, do men desire s*x more than women? Do men cheat on their partners more than women? According to the hormones and the research, the general answer is yes! Is this to say that women don’t cheat? Of course not, it is simply a hormonal answer (among others) to the questions of gender differences related to s*xuality, monogamy and cultural expectations.
www.drdarnise.com
