When all else fails, family is there too pick u up, or are they???
Well, I know I havent been on here and I only got a few friends, so I'm going to use this to the best of my abilities.
The last time I was on here, I was looking for outlets of funding for a Open mic Lounge, it's a dream of mine. I write music, poetry, Lyrics especially. Even though it is put on hold because of certain transitions that had occured in my life, I will never give up my dream.
You see, I have went through alot in a matter of a year and half. I'm a very closed person and don't tell alot of my private situtations that go on in my life. But I have to get it out.
I talked to this one special person that is/was in my life and I feel that we can't get back to where we were. I so want to just pick up the phone and get back in touch with him, however, my pride won't allow me to do so. Thing is I love him, yes..It has happen to me, something I thought that would never happen again. Funny thing is, it will never work, so I keep him as a friend, made a visit and left empty. (I never thought that I would allow myself to do this for a man). Do I feel ashamed, at times I do, and I don't share it, because of how judgmental people will be. Even though I feel empty and we are no longer talking, I would do anything in the world for him, if I can. I support him to the fullest, no love lost. It just sucks that I can't flick a switch off of "I dont care", like a light switch. But this man will always have a place in my heart, and for some reason, I feel like he dosent even know what he did. Sad, but I will still let him figure it out and think about what he should say to me, which is a simple apology.
On my way back to home from my trip which I took to visit a friend or so I thought. I found myself homeless.
The only thing I had was a suit case from what I had on the plane and the little bit of stuff my sister had gotten from the house.
I didn't think I was completely homeless because we had friends and family around where I live, so in my own mind I'm thinking everything is all good. So, I started making calls. Seem like no one is answering, my flight got in real early, I can wait, lets leave a message. I explained what happen. Lets just say I'm still waiting for the call back.
Ok, I always think under pressure and it's usually crazy, but whatever. My sister and I took a trip, to where we did NOT want to go. That was my oldest sister, whom which I ran away from years ago, because of both verbal/physical abuse was going on. My sister and I were most apprehensive about making this trip, however we had to swallow our pride and have a ciggeratte, even though I quit. I needed that puff.
When we got there, everything seem real cool, calm collected, until we seen our oldest sister. Back again with the verbally degrading words. I can't understand how one can hold on to just being ugly inside and out. Just so messy.
I wanted to run away, but there is no place to go and even though my father was in my life again, I didn't know him to be living in his house. Of course, the fighting begin, and the "I knew you be back". Started. And I'm living out a womans house that don't want me there, so to make her life easier, I choosed to live in the garage. Even though it's hot as hell, I still say to myself I havent visited hell. But then again, this just might be my hell on earth.
Yea, some huge trasition. At times, I feel like I want to end it, but I'm not weak enough to do that. My self confidense has became so low that I don't communicate with anyone. I left my job, my dreams has been put on hold and I am living in total HELL.
I try to keep a positive outlook on it though, I could be a whole lot worser. I'm looking for full-time work which is not looking very good, and trying to get into a leaser activity within the community. Anything to stay away from this house.
The only thing, that I would like to do, is hurry up and get on my feet. In the midst of it all, I still think about my special friend, even though I know it dosent make a difference of the situtation I am in right now. But it does bring a smile to my face even though, we have no contact.
I'm not writing this as a story or anything, it's far from it, I guess I'm using this as a way to vent. Skitching out what has happend and to how I am going to fix it. I know trouble don't last always, and I know trials and tribulations will always get it the way, but it's up to me to jump right back up with a head held high.
If your reading this, you can comment, I love seeing peoples comments and taking it into my life. Negative or positive. Thank you for letting me vent. Be bless, I know mine is coming soon, I can feel it.
The last time I was on here, I was looking for outlets of funding for a Open mic Lounge, it's a dream of mine. I write music, poetry, Lyrics especially. Even though it is put on hold because of certain transitions that had occured in my life, I will never give up my dream.
You see, I have went through alot in a matter of a year and half. I'm a very closed person and don't tell alot of my private situtations that go on in my life. But I have to get it out.
I talked to this one special person that is/was in my life and I feel that we can't get back to where we were. I so want to just pick up the phone and get back in touch with him, however, my pride won't allow me to do so. Thing is I love him, yes..It has happen to me, something I thought that would never happen again. Funny thing is, it will never work, so I keep him as a friend, made a visit and left empty. (I never thought that I would allow myself to do this for a man). Do I feel ashamed, at times I do, and I don't share it, because of how judgmental people will be. Even though I feel empty and we are no longer talking, I would do anything in the world for him, if I can. I support him to the fullest, no love lost. It just sucks that I can't flick a switch off of "I dont care", like a light switch. But this man will always have a place in my heart, and for some reason, I feel like he dosent even know what he did. Sad, but I will still let him figure it out and think about what he should say to me, which is a simple apology.
On my way back to home from my trip which I took to visit a friend or so I thought. I found myself homeless.
The only thing I had was a suit case from what I had on the plane and the little bit of stuff my sister had gotten from the house.
I didn't think I was completely homeless because we had friends and family around where I live, so in my own mind I'm thinking everything is all good. So, I started making calls. Seem like no one is answering, my flight got in real early, I can wait, lets leave a message. I explained what happen. Lets just say I'm still waiting for the call back.
Ok, I always think under pressure and it's usually crazy, but whatever. My sister and I took a trip, to where we did NOT want to go. That was my oldest sister, whom which I ran away from years ago, because of both verbal/physical abuse was going on. My sister and I were most apprehensive about making this trip, however we had to swallow our pride and have a ciggeratte, even though I quit. I needed that puff.
When we got there, everything seem real cool, calm collected, until we seen our oldest sister. Back again with the verbally degrading words. I can't understand how one can hold on to just being ugly inside and out. Just so messy.
I wanted to run away, but there is no place to go and even though my father was in my life again, I didn't know him to be living in his house. Of course, the fighting begin, and the "I knew you be back". Started. And I'm living out a womans house that don't want me there, so to make her life easier, I choosed to live in the garage. Even though it's hot as hell, I still say to myself I havent visited hell. But then again, this just might be my hell on earth.
Yea, some huge trasition. At times, I feel like I want to end it, but I'm not weak enough to do that. My self confidense has became so low that I don't communicate with anyone. I left my job, my dreams has been put on hold and I am living in total HELL.
I try to keep a positive outlook on it though, I could be a whole lot worser. I'm looking for full-time work which is not looking very good, and trying to get into a leaser activity within the community. Anything to stay away from this house.
The only thing, that I would like to do, is hurry up and get on my feet. In the midst of it all, I still think about my special friend, even though I know it dosent make a difference of the situtation I am in right now. But it does bring a smile to my face even though, we have no contact.
I'm not writing this as a story or anything, it's far from it, I guess I'm using this as a way to vent. Skitching out what has happend and to how I am going to fix it. I know trouble don't last always, and I know trials and tribulations will always get it the way, but it's up to me to jump right back up with a head held high.
If your reading this, you can comment, I love seeing peoples comments and taking it into my life. Negative or positive. Thank you for letting me vent. Be bless, I know mine is coming soon, I can feel it.
Sister Ty I remember you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I can relate to the family/ and so called friends turning a blind eye to troubles. They say you really know who your friends are when you get in trouble. I know how you feel and I think many Black people can relate to the family drama and whatknot. I don't really know why some families are not helpful. The same thing about my own relatives. I remember calling up people when one of my younger relatives needed money for school asking for anything amount~~ $1 anything ~~ and her own sister said that she couldn't help because she had to worry about herself. Go figure!
... About Men ~~ they ~~ can be real trifling, eh? I was in love with this dude I met in college and we were no good for one another. We kept breakin' up and gettin' back together. I won't go as far as saying that we were a Whitney and Bobby, but we were something else! It took me 7 or 8 years to get this guy out of my system.
The trick for me (that I learned years later) was that we couldn't be friends because we had to much ~you know~ history if you know what I mean! Everytime he would call me and I'd hear his voice~that was it~.