When Love Turns Deadly: Sisters Beware of the Warning Signs & Heed Them
Tonight I just got word of a very devastating tragedy that involved a woman that I worked with at my former law firm Holland & Knight LLP. Patricia Ann Simmons Kelly was shot to death yesterday while on her way "literally" to Sunday worship services at the People's Community Church in Silver Spring, Maryland allegedly by her estranged husband. She was shot in her chest and died shortly thereafter on the steps of the church grounds.
Pat was more than just a former colleague--she was a "sister" and when she joined the iask, Inc. group back in May 2007 she became part of a "sisterhood". I only wish we had known what was going on in her life and been able to help in some way that might have avoided the terrible ending she was dealt at the hands of her own husband.
Pat was one of those warm spirits that you come across at work or in life and she makes you smile. She was very petite and small in stature (much like myself), she always had her hair perfectly coiffed, and a bit spiky on top. She was a hard worker, who just a week or so ago got swallowed up in the downturn of the economy and lost her job due to what many called "black Thursday" at the nation's largest law firm layoffs.
The last week of her life was spent with worry, and it ended in unspeakable tragedy.
What hurts so much as I have been trying to sort this out with other sisters who knew her, is how could we as her colleagues and friends not have known that her "estranged" husband was so unstable and that her life was in danger?
How did we miss the signs? Was she being abused? Or did he just snap under the pressure of a bad economy, economic woes, and a wife who was ready to move on without him. The men in his life clearly did not see the warning signals either.
Local and national news reports (See MSNBC story http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29339203/) state that the husband was supposed to meet his wife at church services Sunday morning, yet something went very awry. Eyewitness accounts say that shots were fired and several off-duty policemen attending church services ran out to help the victim as she lay fighting for her life. CPR was administered but the damage had been done and our sister Pat lay dead on her way to worship the Lord.
I'll leave you with this: I am in shock I think. I feel so helpless and so angry that a bright light like Pat got snuffed out by a man who promised to love, cherish and honor her for the rest of his and her life. What goes so wrong between a man and a woman that he takes her life on the steps of a church building on a Sunday morning? Somebody help me with this.
I know that many of us hide what goes on at home and in our personal lives, but if I can impart nothing else to my sisters out there--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE when you are in an abusive relationship DO NOT cover it up. Lean on friends, family, and your church. Tell someone what is going on and GET OUT the first time he hits you. Report domestic violence to the authorities immediately. Seek counseling if a spouse or boyfriend becomes erratic, manic, or verbally abusive. These are warning signs of emotional instability that could turn tragic.
We know from past CDC & NIH data that domestic violence spikes in difficult economic times. We know that a man often defines his worth by his ability to take care of his household and his family. Sisters, be mindful of the emotions of the man or men in your life. Your life and the lives of your Children depend on it.
To my dear sister Pat--may you rest in peace pretty lady. I take comfort in knowing that the steps you ascended to walk into Church at 11:30 yesterday morning, turned into the steps that lead you to heaven and the arms of your Lord and Savior who greeted you with this: "Enter in, well done thy good and faithful servant."
If I Have Not Love, I Am Nothing
Sophia
Pat was more than just a former colleague--she was a "sister" and when she joined the iask, Inc. group back in May 2007 she became part of a "sisterhood". I only wish we had known what was going on in her life and been able to help in some way that might have avoided the terrible ending she was dealt at the hands of her own husband.
Pat was one of those warm spirits that you come across at work or in life and she makes you smile. She was very petite and small in stature (much like myself), she always had her hair perfectly coiffed, and a bit spiky on top. She was a hard worker, who just a week or so ago got swallowed up in the downturn of the economy and lost her job due to what many called "black Thursday" at the nation's largest law firm layoffs.
The last week of her life was spent with worry, and it ended in unspeakable tragedy.
What hurts so much as I have been trying to sort this out with other sisters who knew her, is how could we as her colleagues and friends not have known that her "estranged" husband was so unstable and that her life was in danger?
How did we miss the signs? Was she being abused? Or did he just snap under the pressure of a bad economy, economic woes, and a wife who was ready to move on without him. The men in his life clearly did not see the warning signals either.
Local and national news reports (See MSNBC story http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29339203/) state that the husband was supposed to meet his wife at church services Sunday morning, yet something went very awry. Eyewitness accounts say that shots were fired and several off-duty policemen attending church services ran out to help the victim as she lay fighting for her life. CPR was administered but the damage had been done and our sister Pat lay dead on her way to worship the Lord.
I'll leave you with this: I am in shock I think. I feel so helpless and so angry that a bright light like Pat got snuffed out by a man who promised to love, cherish and honor her for the rest of his and her life. What goes so wrong between a man and a woman that he takes her life on the steps of a church building on a Sunday morning? Somebody help me with this.
I know that many of us hide what goes on at home and in our personal lives, but if I can impart nothing else to my sisters out there--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE when you are in an abusive relationship DO NOT cover it up. Lean on friends, family, and your church. Tell someone what is going on and GET OUT the first time he hits you. Report domestic violence to the authorities immediately. Seek counseling if a spouse or boyfriend becomes erratic, manic, or verbally abusive. These are warning signs of emotional instability that could turn tragic.
We know from past CDC & NIH data that domestic violence spikes in difficult economic times. We know that a man often defines his worth by his ability to take care of his household and his family. Sisters, be mindful of the emotions of the man or men in your life. Your life and the lives of your Children depend on it.
To my dear sister Pat--may you rest in peace pretty lady. I take comfort in knowing that the steps you ascended to walk into Church at 11:30 yesterday morning, turned into the steps that lead you to heaven and the arms of your Lord and Savior who greeted you with this: "Enter in, well done thy good and faithful servant."
If I Have Not Love, I Am Nothing
Sophia
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend Sophia.