Black Women & Relationships: Is It God's Will for Us to be Alone?
Monday, February 16, 2009
It is Not Good for the Man to Be Alone--Or is It?
Anyone who knows me well, knows that Genesis 2:18 is the verse of scripture that I love most. It is an early revelation into the mind and heart of God and how He values the importance of "Relationship". After resting from all of His good work during the creation of the world God takes time to reflect on His most valued creation: Adam (man).
Then God speaks and says:
"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." verse 18: The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
There it is folks. God lays it down right then and there. So for all of you 21st Century new age guru types, perpetual bachelors and bachelorettes who keep feeding people a load of nonsense that SELF is everything; that SELFISHNESS is good, that not settling down is the key to happiness, that growing old alone is somehow liberating, or that not having a family and loved ones around you to laugh with you and care for you makes you "lucky" is hogwash. Who are you trying to fool???
An entire cottage industry of "self-help" books and speakers have made millions of dollars telling men and women alike that marriage is a drain on your life force, that caring for your kids can be a thankless life, that staying faithful and committed to one man/or one woman for life is not "natural" and that "monogamy" is not possible. I reject this out of hand and so should you.
Let's look at the facts shall we (I am a recovering lawyer but I still like facts):
Fact--over 55 million Americans (adults) are now single--the most ever on record. The most disturbing trend that Stanford and UCLA Researchers found in a 2007 Journal of Medicine study was that they are seeing more "never marrieds" past the age of 35 and 40 than ever before. And that there is a social trend that is alarming as a result.
What the research shows is staggering--single men and women who choose to never marry or for whatever reasons do not "partner" and "share their lives" can expect these outcomes:
1. Single people get more colds, the flu, and illnesses than do married people
2. Single people are more prone to depression than are married people
3. Single people have less quality and meaningful s*x (when the truth is told) than married people
4. Single people's life expectancy is on average 7 years less for men and 5 for women than those who marry
5. Divorced people have a better quality of physical and mental health than singles, particularly if they have children, or grandchildren. The key connection seems to be family and support networks.
6. Single people are not as financially secure in the long run as married people
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I just needed to get this off my chest because I read something today from a dear friend who has bought into the "hype" that she is meant to be alone, suffer alone (she is battling a serious illness), and that God "has" this for her. Nothing is further from the truth.
This culture we live in is headed for a big lesson folks. Times are hard. They may get a whole lot worse. People are going to come to understand that your MONEY, POSSESSIONS, or STATUS in life can't buy you LOVE. Oh--It can buy you s*x, false friends, position, accolades and temporary pleasures==but TRUST me it CANNOT nor will it EVER be able to make you happy, comfort you when you are sick, standby you when you lose your job, your health, your money, your hope. Only a devoted human being can do that--only a "helper" or (helpmate) can do that for you.
If I Have not Love, I am Nothing
Sophia
It is Not Good for the Man to Be Alone--Or is It?
Anyone who knows me well, knows that Genesis 2:18 is the verse of scripture that I love most. It is an early revelation into the mind and heart of God and how He values the importance of "Relationship". After resting from all of His good work during the creation of the world God takes time to reflect on His most valued creation: Adam (man).
Then God speaks and says:
"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." verse 18: The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
There it is folks. God lays it down right then and there. So for all of you 21st Century new age guru types, perpetual bachelors and bachelorettes who keep feeding people a load of nonsense that SELF is everything; that SELFISHNESS is good, that not settling down is the key to happiness, that growing old alone is somehow liberating, or that not having a family and loved ones around you to laugh with you and care for you makes you "lucky" is hogwash. Who are you trying to fool???
An entire cottage industry of "self-help" books and speakers have made millions of dollars telling men and women alike that marriage is a drain on your life force, that caring for your kids can be a thankless life, that staying faithful and committed to one man/or one woman for life is not "natural" and that "monogamy" is not possible. I reject this out of hand and so should you.
Let's look at the facts shall we (I am a recovering lawyer but I still like facts):
Fact--over 55 million Americans (adults) are now single--the most ever on record. The most disturbing trend that Stanford and UCLA Researchers found in a 2007 Journal of Medicine study was that they are seeing more "never marrieds" past the age of 35 and 40 than ever before. And that there is a social trend that is alarming as a result.
What the research shows is staggering--single men and women who choose to never marry or for whatever reasons do not "partner" and "share their lives" can expect these outcomes:
1. Single people get more colds, the flu, and illnesses than do married people
2. Single people are more prone to depression than are married people
3. Single people have less quality and meaningful s*x (when the truth is told) than married people
4. Single people's life expectancy is on average 7 years less for men and 5 for women than those who marry
5. Divorced people have a better quality of physical and mental health than singles, particularly if they have children, or grandchildren. The key connection seems to be family and support networks.
6. Single people are not as financially secure in the long run as married people
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I just needed to get this off my chest because I read something today from a dear friend who has bought into the "hype" that she is meant to be alone, suffer alone (she is battling a serious illness), and that God "has" this for her. Nothing is further from the truth.
This culture we live in is headed for a big lesson folks. Times are hard. They may get a whole lot worse. People are going to come to understand that your MONEY, POSSESSIONS, or STATUS in life can't buy you LOVE. Oh--It can buy you s*x, false friends, position, accolades and temporary pleasures==but TRUST me it CANNOT nor will it EVER be able to make you happy, comfort you when you are sick, standby you when you lose your job, your health, your money, your hope. Only a devoted human being can do that--only a "helper" or (helpmate) can do that for you.
If I Have not Love, I am Nothing
Sophia
Wow...I believe the whole concept and institution of marriage to be religious in nature, its purpose to bring two people closer to God, to be more God-like. I believe children benefit most from marriage also. It's not for everyone, some people are married to God or the church, such as nuns so to speak, others live complete and utterly happy lives being single, others aren't given the option of marriage due to their s*xual preference. When you look at the number of women compared to the population of men in the world, where polygomy is not legal, of course you couldn't expect for everyone to get married. I'm for marriage in the black community because sometimes when I watch Maury and hear him say, "You are not the father," I don't find it a laughing matter, but according to statistics we should be thankful for that, since our population would dwindle away if it weren't for out of wedlock births, and the statistic that we have the lowest marriage rate of any other racial group in the U.S. You can question it, and you should, debate it, but it's worth examining. I'd find it ironic, if I didn't research the topic, that the majority of my friends, and myself, who come from diverse backgrounds, aren't married, have children from different fathers, are divorced, come from broken relationships, single parent househods, etc., etc. Marriage is and always should be a choice, opposed to an expectation, for numerous reasons, however, I find it a significant institution when it comes to raising children, and I've learned a valuable lesson in my life, as far as the will of God, and what He'd want for my life. I used to believe in destiny, but now I believe we create our own destiny with God. What He would will for our lives, is what we desire most, and want for our lives. We need only ask for what we desire, have faith and receive His blessings. Great blog!
"Food for the Soul" is available at www.authorhouse.com; www.amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. For your friend I recommend she read T.D. Jakes' "The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord"...