Why DO Men Want A Strong Woman on Their Arm BUT Not in Their Lives? (716 hits)
Why is that?
As a black woman I can speak for myself saying that I am very strong willed in various areas of my life. I use to be BAD......
You know ladies the over independent woman of God! However, I realized that even though I have toned down a great deal over the years.. it is NOT always the issue with the strong black woman syndrome....
I found out that it is ALSO.. the intimidatiing black man syndrome..
I have had the opportunity to talk to men of all walks of life who are:
in ministry college students unsaved different lines of work
and the foundation of the questions that I asked and the answers that I received were just what the title of my BLOG SAID!
It is like when you have heard.. men like a lady in public but a freak in the bedroom.. ( please dont be deep.. we all have heard that )
However it is the SAME WAY with strong women...... Yes even as I am typing this now.. the Lord dropped Sara Palin in my spirit..
Women.. we are strong.. needed.. adored and desired... MEN NEED US
However... they want what we can HELP THEM DO... To have a strong woman in a man's life who does not know who he is can be deadly..
I said to myself regarding the males that I had talked to.. wow.. they desire to have it be known that they have a strong woman meaning:
she has the capability to take care of the home
take care of the kids
have 2 to 3 degrees
have a decent paying job
knows how to make much out of noting
has the ability to network to get her husband ahead
and the list goes on like a bad credit report. but to REMAIN in their lives for the long haul.. THEY DONT WANT IT!!
Most of their replies where like..... that is good for a minutes.. but in the end.. I dont want a woman who knows or can do more than I can!!
So I said all of this to say...
" Know YOUR Worth Ladies... and Never Go on Sale"....
PREACH VAL, PREACH. You said a mouthful. Men will only do what we allow. I totally agree, ladies not to put ourselves "on sale." We also have to let a man, be a man. When the dude told you that he didn't want a lady that could do more than he could, he was saying exactly what I just said. "Let a man , be a man." Allow him to be a equal contributor on all fronts. Women ar quick to move a guy into their apt. or home, pay all the bills & complain when "he ain't doing nothing." Come on, we all heard it before, "Why buy the cow, when you getting the milk free?" HOlla. Make a brotha work for something in the relationship & he'll be more prone to appreciate, respect and keep ya. It takes time & maturity to learn to share the duties in a relationship. My husband & I have known eachother 8 years, since 2000, been married 2 years. We share responsibilities in our household. He feels great providing for our family, & I feel great allowing him to provide. When I say "allowing him to provide" I mean not steppin on his toes, letting him do something & not doing it all myself. We have to stop the "SUPERWOMAN" thing & Let a man be a man.
Tuesday, September 9th 2008 at 11:26AM
Marlene R
Valerie I want to comment on this blog, but it is a complex issue to reply. But to sum it up is that when men say things like ..."that is good for a minute...but in the end I don't want a woman who knows or can do more than I can..." sounds like they aren't men at all but they are still boys.
The major issue I faced as a single trying to navigate the single scene was weeding out the boys from the men. When men would come up asking me what I did for a living and whether I lived alone, I immediately knew these were boys looking for someone to take care of them. It also occurred to me that many of the men that were approaching me had been raised by mostly female dominated households and perhaps didn't know what manhood was. Anyhow that wasn't my issue...
The other side of this complex picture was that I had to overcome the 'I Can Do It All By Myself Sistah Syndrome' having seen my mom, aunts, and grandma do it all as a child. I had to learn how to allow men to be men in my life. I learned to breakdown some of the walls that I had erected to protect myself from hurt. Did I get hurt? Sure I did, but thru it all I learned from the hurt and mistakes until I did get the right man. You win some and you lose some in this life, but are you really losing at all? I think I was loosing the wrong men from me inorder to get the right one to come into my life. )I love T.D. Jakes' Woman Thou Art Loosed Series.)
That's real deep....I am 37 years old and it took me 35 years to find a man who appreciated and valued me for my strength, so I know first hand exactly what you are saying. I think men want their cake and eat it too, meaning they want a strong woman but they also want someone who will let them do what they want to do. Its a thin line to walk on...If you are too stong willed, or independent, then they don't want you but if you are too weak, they don't respect you and the relationship is short lived. Will we ever have a true answer to this?
Tuesday, September 9th 2008 at 4:36PM
Jocelyn Humphrey
