The Monogamous Man/Woman? What does he/she look like? (4503 hits)
We're heard enough about the dogs, the b's and the h's so shut up. What does the Monogamous Man (or woman) look like? Where is he/she? It's time to help some folks out because this relationship dysfunction is driving me crazy and I'm tired of hearing about it.
For three days I've come across and avoided the relationship topic. Years ago, I broke down "DRAMA" and have since been able to avoid it (Drastic Results After Misinterpreting Affections). I've heard the current relationship quandry blamed on women and what they allow to men just being dogs and down low. We've got to stop this in its tracks. While I'm sure some have lowered their expectations or quite frankly given up, I think there is a dialogue we can have that will help. We all know there are those making millions off the relationship dysfunction, but I'm all about finding a cure - at least for some.
Help me out (before I blog about it)
The Monogamous Man/Woman? What does he/she look like?
I'll kick it off. The Monogamous Man/Woman goes home after work. He/She is not trying to go to happy hour. The M Man doesn't have a bunch of boys, just one or two and they respect the fact that he's going home.
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 6:49PM
yalanda lattimore-DryerBuzz.com
He looks a whole lot like my husband.
...looks past a string of them just to see me. ...doesn't have friends of the opposite s*x that are not also MY friends. ...doesn't allow another woman to ask him for anything. ...always refers her to me for the asking (unless it's one of our mamas). ...is neither afraid nor ashamed to make sure people know who I am to him. ...is proud to walk with me on his arm, beside me, not in front of me.
...loves him some ME.
Blessings...
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 7:02PM
Dee Gray
Thank you for answering. Good men lose good opportunities when they have those "female friends." Show me the woman that don't want to hit...LOL Let me stop, I want this to be serious.
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 7:08PM
yalanda lattimore-DryerBuzz.com
Yalanda, my husband and I are SERIOUS about protocol. And we seriously do not have friends of the opposite s*x that we're not BOTH friends with.
Our female friends know not to solicit HIM, but ME, for something and then he and I will talk about it. The same goes for males.
And it's not an insecurity or control thing. It's a RESPECT thing. I respect him and he respects me, and we show the SAME respect to other married couples.
Blessings...
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 7:16PM
Dee Gray
What's your husband's background (siblings, mother, father)? Did he sew his oaks before settling down? I'm wondering if monogamus man is always the monogamus man - from start to finish - as in all his ralationships.
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 7:47PM
yalanda lattimore-DryerBuzz.com
Monogamous people are confident and self assured. They are not threatened by flirtations and opportunities to stray that are presented by others, nor are their partners. They do not seek to threaten their relationship with irresponsible behavior and their partners knows it. They know they stand to lose more than they will gain by doing so and act accordingly. With others, they are unequivocal about their belief and their choice to be monogamous. Sounds a lot like my husband.
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 8:00PM
Dr. S. Maxwell Hines
Good points. I've heard confidence mentioned in a few conversations.
Monday, August 11th 2008 at 8:27PM
yalanda lattimore-DryerBuzz.com
The Monogamous Man/Woman? What does he/she look like?
They look like they know what they want. They don't go for alot of foolishness and they are secure with who they are. Sometimes it's not enough but it will do.
Etana
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 10:40AM
Etana Busara
Yalanda, my husband has two brothers, both of whom are staunch advocates of commitment. Including my husband, they'd rather do hurt themselves than to disrespect any woman, especially the woman in the relationship.
As for my husband specifically, I was his first major relationship believe it or not. Before me, he didn't have any relationships lasting more than 6 months, though not because he wasn't monogamous.
I'm happy and relieved to say that my husband doesn't have a cheater's spirit. That might have more to do with the fact that s*x has never been one of his vices...nor mine. We waited until we got married to even have s*x, but I also think that has more to do with s*x not being a primary prerequisite to our success as a couple. I don't think it has as much to do with discipline as it does with the fact that our focus has always been intimacy, which in its best form, isn't at all about s*x.
BTW, we've been married for 3 1/2 years, together for a year longer than that. Blessings...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 12:04PM
Dee Gray
A monogamous person(man or woman) doesn't have a look. They look just like a cheater. What they possess over someone who cheats is awareness. A confident person can cheat. A secure person can cheat. A happy person can cheat. An aware person can not. By aware I mean not just knowing how your actions will affect other people/your partner but understanding, accepting, and taking responsibility for it. If you truly care/love another person, then it would hurt you to hurt them; and that's not something you would knowingly want to do. To avoid this you have to be aware(understanding, accepting, and taking responsibility) of how your actions affect those around you. Often when someone cheats they try and put the blame on their partner. They refuse to take the responsibility for their actions by claiming if their partner had of blah blah blah they wouldn't have cheated. They were not aware.
By accepting that your actions affect other people it makes it harder to engage in behavior that will affect other people negatively. Thus, being aware of that makes it that much harder to cheat.
Understanding what you do has a ripple affect that not only touches you but others and the consequences of your actions makes it hard to participate in something that will automately hurt another person.
Simply, if a person is aware then more than likely they will stay monogamous.
Are people who cheat (ore gravitate towards outside attention) missing something in their relationship or themselves that the monogamous person otherwise possesses?
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 1:42PM
yalanda lattimore-DryerBuzz.com
Ebone, your theory sounds really good. But I know a lot of cheaters who were very aware of the hurt it would cause AND of the consequences who chose to cheat anyway. They admitted it, watched the pain...and didn't care.
Aware people do cheat. And it's scary. There are just some people out there who don't care how their actions affect other people...husband, wife, children, friends, mistress, mister...whatever. As long as they get what they want, they can hurt anybody with eyes wide open and aware and still choose to do it anyway.
Blessings...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 2:33PM
Dee Gray
I don't believe in the "too few" theory. I believe there is somebody for everybody, except everybody wants the same somebody.
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 6:15PM
yalanda lattimore-DryerBuzz.com
