From the "Life" chapter of my book of poems: Depression (468 hits)
Everyday I wake up, I try to be thankful I thank God for the things I have The blessings that I know are on the way I try to put on my grown-up face and push on Suck it up and move on as Drill Sergeant used to say These are techniques I learned after reading the secret Attracting positive things in my life Blocking out all negativity No one knows how hard it really is Everyday waking up alone The ache in my heart at times is unbearable But I try not to claim negative energy The song says encourage yourself Allot of times, easier said than done I wish I could just lie in the bed all day Eating ice cream watching waiting to exhale But there are bills to pay the baby has gotta eat I touch my feet to the floor as I feel the dark cloud follow me I try to open up but it’s too hard Too many people point the finger without knowledge Judging what they don’t understand The pressure overwhelms me I just don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I’m asking for Before I let self pity take over I pause to remind myself Someone always has it worse than me Don’t you know how blessed you are I try to push my chin up and fight through it Depression is a tricky thing Especially when you have to put on your armor everyday Fighting the dragon of reality When no one has the power to hurt you like your friends I do this everyday and make it look good at the same time Holding it together for the one who waits at home Unaware that I’m holding on by the skin of my teeth Call me selfish but at the end of the day, I just want to be loved More than anything as Jill says” like everyone else does” Loneliness and despair sit at my kitchen table Waiting at 5 am as I come down the stairs They say good morning as I turn on the coffee pot They ask how sadness has been keeping me company They know he sleeps beside me at night That’s where my husband should be I snap out of this by saying,” my negative thoughts are weak and my positive thoughts are powerful” Affirmations only work if you believe It’s just hard sometimes when you do it alone Trying to pretend you are okay When your soul screams for someone to rescue you Like a tree falling in the forest No one hears the sound Stepping out into the battlefield every morning Facing the world alone No one feels my pain Sometimes I just want it to be over But my conscience won’t leave me alone Reminding me of the consequences of this sin Who will be there for her then? So I hold my head up and smile through Suffering on the inside With each passing day I loose faith That I can be loved, that someone cares That someone will be there through the fire Wishing I could go somewhere safe Wishing you wanted me As I eat spoonfuls of regret everyday I think I’m all out of tears Because once again: everyday I wake up alone And it’s the same way when I get home
