A friend of mind has been very depressed lately. She is married, but unhappy. She said that she married this guy because she knew that he was a good man and a provider. However, she has been in-love with this other guy for years. She stated that she knew the other guy would never ask her to marry him and that she felt she could never trust him. Nevertheless, she knows that she is crazy about him. Wow! What do you say to someone like this. I can see that she is miserable, but she has so much already invested in her marriage. They have children together and own their house. Her husband treats her good, from what I can see. She puts up a front with him (acts like she loves him). This is too deep for me. Any advice??
I have had many friends who have experienced this same situation only to end up with outcomes that seem like double-edged swords. If the couple decide to separate and each commit to the welfare of their children, then it seems the children have a better understanding of what is really going on. On the other hand, when couples decides to stay together only for the children, the children experience other issues such as: complete separation, no desire to do things as a family, mom and dad speaking to each other with disrespect and so on. While I understand that this decision is ultimately hers and hers alone, the most important thing to remember as adults is that we are responsible for the outcome concerning the children.
Sunday, July 20th 2008 at 6:12PM
sharon solari
I agree that she should love the one she is with. She needs to try to find a way to forget about the other guy and really look at it what it is about her husband that she likes about him. It's not fair to her children to handle it any other way, especially if she's not in a situation where she has to leave. Maybe she should seek counseling.
Sunday, July 20th 2008 at 8:53PM
Janel R.
Wow. That is deep. I guess my advice is that she should learn to love the one that she is with. I think she did the right thing, she has a good man which most women want. Just because she is "in love" with this other guy doesn't mean that he would necessarily treat her like a queen. Like they say "everything that glitters ain't gold." I hope she does the right thing and stay in here marriage.
Monday, July 21st 2008 at 4:07PM
sabrina sanford
You know, communication is key. In any situation, you walk away with information and a bit more understanding of self, i.e., mental stability/capability , emotional discharge, personal development. Living a lie is hard, even harder when you involve other people. And, you’ve created a life around these people.
Marriage is serious, and ole girl got into the relationship, initially for the wrong reasons – or at least, not for the primary purpose of marriage. Buy, hay, what’s done is done – she just have to make a choice of self satisfaction or self destruction.
I'll leave one additional thought; remember the 80/20 rule! Rarely do we find 100% of what we "need" in our soul-mate, but often the one we have is 80% of the package. The 20% becomes such an obsession; we leave 80% only to find we've lost MORE than we've gained. I hope you're friend has this revelation BEFORE she loses her 80, only to wake up MARRIED to 20! The grass always looks greener, this is an unfortunate fact. Good luck!
Your friend only gets once chance at life, so she might as well live it as happy as she can.Why go through your life miserably? If she feel that she would be happier out of marriage than in, go for it, because she is the one that is suffering with the lie that she lives with DAILY.I left my husband with four stair step children, When I left I felt SO FREE. But We made it because I put my faith and trust in God to help me do the righ thing.NO ONE knows what goes on behind Closed doors.Tell her to Hold her head High.
Wednesday, July 30th 2008 at 9:18AM
Mildred Roberts
