This age-old question is not one only teens are asking but also women in their twenties, thirties, and beyond. With marriage often delayed in today's culture, and second marriages becoming more common, women of all ages are finding themselves wondering about physical boundaries in dating.
If you are asking this question, good for you! More and more women no longer care about saving s*x for marriage, even if they acknowledge it as God's best plan for them. Waiting just seems to be "too hard" for them. Giving the s*xual relationship a "test drive" sounds like a good idea (even though research solidly debunks this thinking!). They fear losing the guy if they don't "put out." Or they may not even remember what they are supposed to be waiting for.
God's call to purity isn't just for teenagers; it's for men and women of all ages—married, divorced, and single. Yes, purity looks different at various stages of life, but the call to holiness doesn't change as you age. So what does it look like to date at 25, 38, 42, or 60? How far is too far?
The reason women ask this question is because the answer can be very complicated. The simplest answer is the "bikini rule": If you were wearing a fairly modest bikini, don't touch anywhere the bathing suit would cover. Yet that answer is unsatisfactory because it doesn't take into account variables like age, how long you've been dating, what causes your s*xual engines to rev, or how pure your mind is even if you aren't touching.
Balancing Emotional, Spiritual, and Physical Intimacy
A helpful way to think of s*xual intimacy is to put it on a spectrum with other forms of intimacy. Every dating relationship has varying degrees of physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness. In healthy relationships, each level of intimacy progresses equally. In other words, s*xual expression shouldn't go any farther than trust, shared histories, seeking God together, and other aspects of intimacy. As a relationship slowly progresses, the couple becomes steadily more intimate in all areas.
The ultimate boundary of all intimacy is the marriage covenant. Marriage means making a lifelong promise of faithfulness. The wedding vows are meant to ensure that you will not be rejected or discarded by the one you share your body, your heart, and your soul with. Only marriage provides the "all systems go" assurance of safety and fidelity.
The problems I most commonly see in dating are these: First, physical intimacy sometimes quickly races forward, bypassing other aspects of intimacy. A couple begins making out, touching intimately, and so on without any history, commitment, or connection. The ecstasy of physical touch becomes the center of their relationship.
