In most Christian marriages, the husband adopts the role as head of household and leading his family is the accepted convention. The wife submitting to that leadership and fully supporting her man serves to further strengthen the family.
But what happens when that husband struggles with his role? How does the family function when his thoughts, attitude and behaviors don’t signify leadership?
As you can imagine, it becomes very difficult to follow or submit to that type of guidance.
If this is a challenge for your marriage, the 6 steps that follow will help restore not only your husband’s rightful position, but your confidence and trust in him.
Lay hands on your man.
Pray with him and definitely pray over him. Ask God to provide him with the knowledge and wisdom it requires to lead his home and believe that God will move in your request.
Use words of empowerment.
“Baby, I believe in you”
“Sweetie, I support you”
“My love, I am so proud of you”
“ Honey, I trust you completely”
“Darling, you are such an excellent provider”
These are all phrases your man should be hearing, frequently.
Avoid the rehash of past errors.
It’s simple.
Don’t keep reminding him of the mistakes that were made under his guidance.
Think about the moments you’ve made a poor decision.
What would you have liked to happen to support you in not reliving it and definitely never repeating it? Do the same for your spouse. Discuss the errors and move on. Don’t belabor the point. It only delays your ability to resolve the situation.
Tell your truth.
Saying to your husband, you believe in him and would love to support him, but you have some concerns, is how you address those issues in your marriage.
We can’t pretend things are going well when they aren’t.
It is important to be intentional in how you approach this conversation. Being judgmental and accusatory will not generate the result you desire or that your marriage needs. You must be loving and gentle in how you express your concerns.
Step back and allow him to lead.
Most men shy away from leading because they have a woman who is independent and has a take charge spirit.
If you desire your husband to actually lead your family, be willing to create a space for him to do so.
Sometimes that requires listening and standing by his decisions.
Seek counsel, resources or any other trusted source.
Please understand you aren’t the first, nor will you be the last wife to experience this challenge in your marriage.
Why not reach out to someone you know and trust, and ask how their relationship was able to survive.
Find books, movies and professionals that specialize in restoring relationships and watch your marriage transform.
We must remember our husbands are human and mistakes will be made.
This is how we grow as a couple. The more you demonstrate your confidence in him, the more determined your husband will be in stepping proudly into his position. Trust me, he will not want to disappoint his leading advocate.
BMWK, how has leadership and submission worked in your marriage?
About the author
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 447 articles on this blog.
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com
