BY: Jay Hurt - 10 Jul '14 | Marriage Black and Married With Kids.com A Positive Image of Marriage & Family
Each of us can relate to what a bad relationship looks like. We find we aren’t on the same page, our minor disagreements become big blow-ups and little things that annoy us about our mate become larger over time. Bad relationships have hints of lack of trust, lack of communication, an unwillingness to work together, a lack of empathy and love is rarely a verb. Great relationships have common themes. These are five things you can expect out of a great relationship.
Communication
Every expert talks about communication, but the point can’t be shared enough: good relationships develop good communication. It’s important to look for where disconnects are in your communication with your mate. Sometimes, it’s the stream of thought that’s different. It could be that each person has a different purpose or vision for where they are headed and they don’t talk about how they can help each other reach their goals. Children, finances, worship, physical needs and everything else you can work on in a context of a relationship needs to have clear communication. Repeating back what your partner has said helps to clarify that you understand their thoughts. Also, adding your thoughts into that confirmation is a way of agreeing on a matter. Never leave an issue you are addressing without an agreed resolution, way to move forward or pushing the issue down the road. If there is no conclusion or agreed next step, there is no communication.
Compromise
It’s a fact that in every great relationship, business or personal, there will be some level of compromise. Compromise can be good, and there are times when one or another must sacrifice for the greater good. The end result is going back to communication, through open and honest communication if one party in a relationship has a need and the other person feels the exact opposite way about something, there needs to be a compromise. Deals get done because of compromise. Nations and companies are built on the backs of compromise. Everyone has to be open to the idea of negotiating to a place where both parties are happy.
Compassion
There are times when the best thing you can do for your spouse or mate is to be there for them. There may not be anything you can do to change their situation, but the fact you have a listening ear or a heart to simply sit there and hold them could be more important than any words you can say. Compassion is sometimes the only way you can love someone when there is nothing you can say or do to make someone’s life or situation better. Being there, having their back, believing in them and giving someone a shoulder to cry on builds the loyalty and trust necessary for a great relationship.
Contact
Physical touch is a part of our DNA. It’s a part of who we are. Married people should not be afraid or ashamed of touching their partners. Holding hands, a kiss on the cheek, pat on the back or anything of the sort is necessary to keep the physical intimacy alive in a relationship. s*x is also invigorating and necessary for great relationships. s*x should not be a chore, it should be pleasure shared during marriage. Physical contact will always be important to develop great marriages.
Collaboration
Many of us lose the fact that we need to work together to go to another level in our lives. Partnership in marriage is just that—a PARTNER in all things. We don’t have to work together at the office every day to realize there are things we can add to each other’s lives, businesses and careers — we can offer something that one may not be able to do alone. I married my friend, confidant and my partner. I SEEK and NEED her help and we should have that mindset. Our partners are our greatest asset, and we should collaborate with them on ideas, business ventures, volunteering or anything else we want to grow. If you are married, you are a part of the greatest “collabo” ever created—a partnership in covenant with your spouse. Use that partnership to enhance and grow your lives to the fullest.
BMWK – These are five great C’s of relationships. What other things can you add that can enhance your relationships to the fullest?
About the author
Jay Hurt wrote 26 articles on this blog.
Jay Hurt is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship (http://9tenetsonline.com/about-the-book ). Jay’s focus is working with people who want to design better relationships and get more out of life!
Communication or lack of it can make or break a relationship. People need to be careful not to shut down after a series of hurts. Keep all lines of communication open at all times!
