3 SIGNS THAT HE’S NOT A GROWN MAN, But Just an Adult Male (1118 hits)
BY ZARA GREEN AND ALFRED EDMOND JR.
A significant proportion of unhealthy relationships are the result of the failure to differentiate between a man, who is merely an adult male, and a Grown man. ... One result is that many women think : If I love him right (or enough, or however he wants it, or more than anyone else has or can), then I can change him into the man he was meant/I want him/I need him to be.
At first glance, there is little apparent difference between a man (merely an adult male) and a Grown man. Don’t go by appearances; go by behavior over time (before you give access to your body, money, heart or home), during which you should be both observing and investigating his character, habits and track record. This is not an all-inclusive, exhaustive list, but he’s not Grown if:
1. He does not hold himself accountable for the outcomes of his choices, but blames others and refuses to share responsibility. He’s not Grown if he sees himself as a victim: of women, of his upbringing, of discrimination, of society, whatever. Grown men understand that it’s not everyone else’s fault. He blames no one (not even himself), but shares responsibility and is personally accountable for the outcomes of his choices, learning from ...
2. He views violence as an acceptable and even desirable form of human interaction. This is not limited to those who engage in physical abuse, but also those who practice verbal and emotional violence, saying and doing things specifically aimed at controlling, hurting and/or punishing others. In extreme cases, not only is violence a less-than-Grown man’s preferred means of dealing with conflict, but he actually seeks conflict in order to create opportunities for verbal, emotional and even physical violence. Grown men are skilled at avoiding conflict and adept at resolving it without resorting to violence.
3. He is unable to control himself—or worse, sees no reason to. A man that does not control the urges of his own body cannot be trusted to honor, esteem and respect yours. (Those of you who think he’ll treat you differently because you are the one he really loves/not like those other “hoes”/a Woman of GOD, think again.) Grown men are never ruled by their appetites or libido.
Any man who exhibits any one of the above characteristics is not ready for a healthy relationship, regardless of how charming, fine, s*xy or paid he is—or how badly he wants you. And if he demonstrates two or more of these characteristics don’t walk, RUN! He is likely a drama king, and should be avoided at all costs.
If he resists and/or resents your efforts to learn about his habits, character, track record and behavioral tendencies, keep it moving; don’t get emotionally invested in trying to solve the mystery. Allow him to continue on his journey of personal growth (or not, that’s up to him) while you do the same, keeping your options open for when you recognize a Grown man!
