Our Marriages Need a “Village” to Help Them Succeed (86 hits)
BY: Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick - 16 Sep '13 | Marriage Black and Married With Kids.com A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
I’ve been to my fair share of weddings throughout the past 10 years. Some are still around and some have an ended. But one thing that I’ve heard at many of these weddings is the pastor telling the audience that he’s charging them with “investing” in this marriage to help it last. But I don’t think a lot people realize that a marriage is sometimes another entity from the two people that are in the marriage. The marriage is like a child. And the same way you’ve heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child, likewise sometimes it takes a village to keep a marriage together. But in order to do that, the married couple have to have that “village.”
"You will get return in your investment, if attention you pay… – Jay Z"
I remember one time when I was a teenager and I was driving my uncle’s car (I usually was always seen driving my mom’s car) and when I pulled up on my block before I could even get out the car my neighbor Mr. Bey from across the street was already at the car door window giving me the 3rd degree! “Who’s car is this? Where did you get it from? Does your mom know you’re driving this car?” And best believe if I didn’t show him the registration that it was my uncles car, I would’ve been in a world of trouble. The moral is that their were certain people on my block growing up that, not only had my mother given them permission to check me and make sure I was doing right, but those people genuinely wanted to see me succeed and not go down the wrong path.
And as married couples we need the same thing.
"We need friends who just don’t tell us what we want to hear but what we need to hear. And friends who aren’t just looking out for the best interest of the person, but the best interest of the marriage."
And the same way you’re not gonna give the crack head down the block permission to check your child, don’t have your homegirl, who can’t keep a man to save her life, being your primary confidant. And likewise for a dude, your homeboy who has 4 different girlfriends AND he’s married may not be the best source of advice for the future of your marriage. You have to know where to go to get good advice. And it’s not a slight on that friend, it just means you don’t go to them for relationship advice unless they’re telling you what not to do. If your best friend just filed bankruptcy, you may not wanna put your families financial future in his hands ya mean?
And as married couples, we have to be willing to open up to our “village” and tell the whole truth, not just our side of the truth. Because what we tell them leads to the advice they give us in return. I’ve heard many convos where the person just makes their spouse sound crazy and act like they’re completely innocent in everything going on… which is the furthest thing from the truth. There are way too many marriages failing and families being torn apart and I truly believe that if we had more investors that many of those marriages might have succeeded.
So if you have friends that are married, ask them this week “how can I invest in your marriage?” They may need a baby sitter so they can have a night out or with everything going on with the economy, a couple going through tough financial times might be able to use a gift card to Fridays or to a movie so they can have a date night. But I can’t stress enough the importance about the “village” that marriages need to help them succeed.
Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.
