"Would you like to hear the boy's statement?" my counselor asked not too long after the charges had been filed.
I said yes, and that answer changed my life.
What she read turned the charges into realities that I couldn't hide from. Realities that my husband could no longer say were "no big deal." The charges were a huge deal—two felony counts of child molestation.
The Truth Comes Out The irrefutable truth started to reveal itself two weeks before that conversation with my counselor. I was teaching Sunday school, when my husband, Tom—a Bible teacher and deacon—was confronted by a suspicious mother who claimed that Tom had inappropriately touched one of the boys in our home fellowship.
That night the pastor came to our house to tell Tom he'd have to make an official incident report.
"Don't do this. You'll ruin my family," Tom pleaded.
I was in the other room trying not to listen, trying not to hear, trying not to know. But after our pastor left I asked Tom, "Did you do it?" I couldn't say, "Did you touch him?" or worse yet, "Did you fondle him?"
"Yes, but he was the one who came on to me," he answered.
I was stunned.
My Unwitting Action I was already in counseling for problems with depression, so during my appointment with my counselor, I told her about Tom's confession. "I'm going to have to report this," she said. "I'm a mandatory reporter according to law."
I was horrified. I'd unwittingly betrayed my husband. How could I have done this? I loved him. The pain was overwhelming; my words had backfired.
When Tom found out, he called our friends Bill and Lynn who persuaded him to let me go home with them for a few days so I could regain my wits. Within the week, Bill and the pastor took Tom to the police station so he could turn himself in.
During my next appointment my counselor secured the child's official police statement and read it to me. I asked her to reread it. Then I had to read it for myself. I couldn't believe it was true, but it was. The boy wouldn't lie, and I knew it. This spiritual man I loved and respected was leading a double life. My husband had somehow become evil.
I knew I couldn't go back home. I couldn't see him. I couldn't be in the house with him, in a room with him, or share a bed with him. The core of my being was convulsing. Instead of going home I stayed with Bill and Lynn.
When I went to bed that night, I couldn't sleep. I got out of bed, fell to the floor shaking, sobbing, and curled into a fetal position. Helpless. Alone. Suffocating in ever intensifying darkness. Lynn found me and tried to console me. But finally she took me to the hospital. I had broken down. ...
The lady was very fortunate to have people who loved her enough not to judge her and to give her a safe haven while she went through such a horrific event in her life. What a low blow from a man that is suppose to be one's confidant and friend to find out that he was leading a double life.
@ Brother Rich, It does appear that many people who profess Christianity are in fact double agents who use Christianity as their cover but really aren't true to the faith thereby causing shame on the Name of Christ. That's what the scripture calls 'wolves in sheep's clothing'. The thing about Islam is that it doesn't from my knowledge forbid marriage between adults and children. If I'm wrong, please correct me.
Monday, July 25th 2011 at 10:15AM
Jen Fad
I stand corrected on what I said about Islamic underage marriage. Here's what I found...
[Question: Why do women in Muslim communities seem to marry quickly through great pressure from the parents? This is for main two reasons, that the man who has proposed has great morals and a good financial position. Then what happened to love? If men really have great morals, how do they look at marriage of girls at the age of 14, 13 and even 12? Why doesn’t the community allow the child to enjoy her life?
Answer: As for early marriage, before we discuss it we have to define the term early. According to the Western agenda—as appears in the UN Child Summit Declarations of 1990 and 2002—the child is the one under 18! Thus, a young man and a young woman of 17 are considered children in the Western vision, and their marriage is "early" or rather a child marriage!
Contradictory enough, the latter Declaration of 2002 recognizes those children's emotional and physical needs and allows them to hold premarital relations under the protection of the government and if a pregnancy takes place it is called a teenage pregnancy.
Unlike the West, Islam defines the child as the one below the age of puberty. Once boys and girls reach puberty, they are children no more. Thus, a girl of 16 or 17 is considered a full grown female with a free choice and her decision to get married is not considered early. The physical and emotional needs of young men and women of this age should be respected if they need to express them.
In Islam premarital relations are not allowed under any circumstances, and they are looked upon as fornication. Illegitimate pregnancies are not acceptable in this religion. Thus, the only way for adults (those who have reached puberty) to satisfy such needs is to get married according to their own personal choice and with the blessing of the family and the whole society and to have legitimate children.
Therefore, teenage s*x is recognized in both Islam and the West but the difference is that in Islam it is only allowed to take place within a marriage bond, whereas in the West it is left free. In general, with the need for higher education, the phenomenon of early marriage has shrunk.
With the spread of globalization and the mixing between Muslim and Western societies, divorce has increased but with the help of God, the active Muslim scholars are trying to preserve the Islamic identity in the Muslim societies and bring people back to their family value system, which is unadulterated by strange styles of life.
I hope this answers your questions. Thank you again and looking forward to hearing from you again. ]
I think separating culture from what God calls us to do in life is probably the most important thing for anyone who says that they are His children. So as in Brother Rich's observation about people who profess Christianity but still do horrible things to children is pretty hard to believe that they are following the teachings of the Messiah afterall it was He who said that it would be better that a person have a millstone tied about his neck and drowned in the sea than to hurt a little child. Just my two cents worth.
Tuesday, July 26th 2011 at 9:16PM
Jen Fad
Matthew 18:1-6 King James Version (KJV)
1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
It's alright to disagree. We can't all see eye to eye, eh? (hugs) For me, when I read scripture I tend to pay CLOSE attention to the words in RED (the Words of the Messiah). Just my two cents worth (as Brother Craig Amos would always end his comments with).
Wednesday, July 27th 2011 at 10:46AM
Jen Fad
"I" do feel for this lady...it is so good and such a blessing that she has friends like she has who are there to comfort and help and not to judge...
I also hope she does not start to believe any of this was her fault...but, everything from here on out on this matter there is not guide on haw to act or react to someting so unreal in ones personal life.
TIME DOES HEAL ALL WOUNDS. (SMILE) thanks for sharing Jen, because when we think tings are hard for us, there is always someone in worst shape...
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
@Jen, I doubt of any religion has any real control over ones s*x uslity...maybe an accident or health issures can but not society or we would not evEn have rules trying to help us survive, example, before modern meds that hELped keep mankind alive, it was necessary for early s*xual to make sure manknid survived..(SOME PEOPLE WOULD BURY MANY WIVES, HUSBANDS AND CHILDREN DURING A LIFE TIME) .now we don't have to grow our own foods but can go buy it so we don't need the whole family working TO PRODUCE WHAT THE FAMILY NEEDED...they can go to school...but teh greatest thing going is what you say and I (the female have the rights to ) say, "today".... i HAVE POWERS TOMARRY IF I LIKE TO AND TO NOT MARRY..."I" AS A FEMALE CAN GET A DIVORCE IF I CARE TO DO SO...
I REPEAT, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS EVEN TH EMINDS AND THE BODY TO NOT BE ABUSED FROM SOCIALE OR RELIGIOUS RULES...RIGHT???. (SMILE)...OR DO CHRISTIANS NOT GET DIVORCED AFTER TAKING THAT VOW IN CHRUCH CALLED UNTIL DEATH DO WE PART...BUT SOME DO KILL TO NOT DISOBEY THE VOWS...BUT AGAIN IT IS SURVIVAL OF HE FITTEST.LOL (SMILE)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
i WILL STILL STICK WITH THINGS LIKE: Jesus did not die a natural death and I do believe it was his death was having to do with some offense he commtitte against some one's G-O-D / religious belief?!? (smile)
Isn't America killing countless peoples all over this planet because their God is behind them...this is what I mean by anyone can abuse a religion and each toher if doen in GOD's name.
Let's see wasn't King James considered a living GOD as he rewrote the Bible that had already ben rewritten by the first Christianking?????????????? not my teachings just what the bible scholars are saying and proving today. I have not dog in tis fight because I respect all religions (personal choices). 9smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
