My Faith: How I learned to stop ' praying away the gay ' (1076 hits)
Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir .
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon.
"School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before.
It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to s*xualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong.
Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same s*x was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite s*x.
All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me.
With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words.
When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous.
That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be?
Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized.
I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power.
It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. By Don Lemon, CNN
[It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. By Don Lemon, CNN]
I agree with Don Lemon and I know that God is smiling down on him because He is Loved by God no matter what we think of him. Bigotry and hatred is wrong and God frowns on that and it is the people who teach these things from pulpits that need to ask God's forgiveness. Many of those people including Black Religious people are going to "bust hell wide open" instead of those they like to condemn. We need to stop preaching hatred and allow love (peace) to reign in our hearts. Homophobia is nothing more than hatred and bigotry.
Jen I think a person who follows the Word of God cannot console to a person being or making a choice to be gay, but God gives his free will to choose his s*xual behavior. This does not mean it is favorable for the Word does speaks they shall not inherit the kingdom. However, I can treat everyone equally in respect from my own perception of what they do in of their choosing. I have known both gay men and women which I did not express it was a rightful thing to do with their bodies according to the Word. Personality wise I treated them fairly and with respect of their choices but interated that the Word does not teach one to be homo/or gay. I gave example of my own s*xuality as my body is God's temple and God teaches s*xual immoral bodies he cannot dwell within. Commented with love.
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 10:58AM
MIISRAEL Bride
@ Miisrael, I understand your point, but for me there are some things that ought to be left to God who is infalliable and can truly look on a man's heart and judge him; we are falliable human beings who have flawed judgement and know not the motives and intents of people's heart as God does. Unless the Holy Spirit has specificly given the green light to speak something to another person (which He often hasn't because if He had that person's heart would be fallowed ground ready to receive the seedling of God), we do more damage further isolating those God wants to touch.
Many religious folk need to keep quiet, study their bibles for understanding, ask for wisdom that is lacking, and pray for people. Jesus said that if He be lifted up, He'd draw all men unto Himself. My question is: If Jesus is being lifted up, why aren't there more of the homos*xuals drawing to God openingly in Churches? The answer is simple. Jesus isn't being lifted up, but man's opinion and his ego of what he thinks God has said. It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict people of sin not men who zealously think they are doing exploits for God. Many wars have been started because of this type of ignorance. May God give us all understanding so that peace can reign.
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 11:17AM
Jen Fad
"He has the free will to decide to be straight or gay and he has to bear the responsibility for his choice."
FACTUALLY, BIOLOGICALLY AND SCIENTIFICALLY INCORRECT.
This is mythology without one shred of data to support it. Every major behavior science professional organization that has studied the subject according to the standards of their scientific discipline, has concluded that s*xual orientation is naturally occurring phenomenon and that same s*x attraction occurs in about 3-5% of all species of mammal, including humans.
So, no, it is not a choice. God made them that way.
Not asking others to accept and be in agreement with his s*xual orientation
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 12:54PM
Richard Kigel
@ Brother Rich,
I think we all should wait until Judgement Day to ask God His thoughts on the matter of who made Homos*xuals the way they are.
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 3:31PM
Jen Fad
Ironcially...honesty we shoud pray for gay people. Christ's whole mission for souls is to save them. However, if they choose to be gay I feel it is their choice. If they are born gay, then of course we know some souls will be as God made them, however in saying that we must remember taking up Christ is deny one- self. If you find you are gay, but want to follow Christ he teaches you cannot serve self. One cannot serve God and Christ and still serve the flesh. The denial of self changes the old man to the new spiritual man. This seems much like a serman, [Didn't mean to sound like preaching] but if it is understood that even according to their birth of sin..the longing to be gay will have to be denying your ways of old ways and lusts to the new spiritual birth which makes us want to be clean.
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 4:14PM
MIISRAEL Bride
I have nothing aginst gay people, I believe that's their business, and it's up to Allah to judge them accordingly. But when I was younger, I used to believe that all homos*xuality was a result of child molestation. I had to realize this simply is not the case. I know many people who have been s*xually abused in childhood who exhibit no such behavior and to say that any person that does exhibit the behavior has been abused and just will not admit is beyond rational.
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 6:40PM
Siebra Muhammad
I would trust a gay man any day over most religious folk whom I can't begin to count the number of times they have disappointed me with their hatred, envy, jealousy, and backbiting. I'm just saying. Religious folk are known best for ... Judging others unjustly which is why we were warned not to judge others (unjustly).
True judgement requires having a balance of love, compassion, and mercy as well as knowing the actual motives of a man's heart which no one knows except God.
Sunday, June 26th 2011 at 11:32PM
Jen Fad
@ Sister Lena, If I understand Lemon correctly, he's stated what he believes in these lines below...
[So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous.
That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. ...]
I think he's right. We can't continue to people differently as if they are defects and rejects because they aren't like us. We should stop focusing on the differences but rather what we have in common because at the end of the day we are more alike than we are different.
@ Sister Lena, [The balance can only come when all parties are willing to do what God requires and that is to study it line upon line, precept upon precept. Doctrine and beliefs cannot be built by pre-texting and prooftexting.]
Here in lies the problem. Not everyone lines their lives up with bibilical beliefs and that's what make the United States Constitution great. Homos*xuals aren't fighting for religious freedoms, but rather freedoms that should be awards to all citizens of this land.
P.S. There isn't anything wrong with a good healthy debate to get the brain cells going, eh!
Wednesday, June 29th 2011 at 2:57PM
Jen Fad
on this one I agree with Saint?
secular law protects his Life---YMCA and the village people
scientific law does NOT protect him
biological law does NOT protect him
religious law does NOT protect him
Africa does NOT protect him
and if he is on a manned trip to prison or Jupiter, he cannot be protected.
@ Sister Lena, That would be Brother Rob and he's poking fun at Saint. I can't wait to hear what Saint's reply will be! ((Lol))
Wednesday, June 29th 2011 at 8:33PM
Jen Fad
your understanding of the english word religion might be confusing --- but the Way of Life Given by the Creator of Adaam(as) is simple....
It has been developed, studied, practiced, evloved and applied by all the nabeeAllaah and BILLIONS of Faithful from all over the EARTH, for thousands of years and can be seen in the faces and lives of 1/4TH of Humanity in 6/2011
now lemon might be confusing or nyParty nights might be confusing.
I thought you were referring to Saint, but now I understand that you were referring to the secular law protection thing for Brother Don. Interesting.... For me, It's good to be American so if secular law protects him then I say its a good thing if it will keep him protected in this society from religious nuts and fanatics who if they had their way would probably do what the people of Salem did with the people they believed to be witches. ... Burn them at the stake. Oddly enough, it appears to me that what most people on the side of religious debate are doing but its a modern Witch hunt made for 2011.
Thursday, June 30th 2011 at 10:45AM
Jen Fad
@ Sister Lena, [The United States of America was established on foundational principles by the Declaration of Independence: We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed;]
I might have been a bit strong using 'witch hunt' but it reminds me of how people who practiced witchcraft back in the day were hung; today its part of religious freedom for them to practice their religion whether Christians agree with it or yes. Witches can practice witchcraft because of the same reason Christians can practice Christianity(Freedom of Religion). Homos*xuals will soon be able to marry whether I or you or anyone else like it or yes. They will not be denied because all Americans are entitled to what America has to offer irrespective of Race, Religion, Gender, s*xual orientation, ect. To do anything other than that is discrimination. That is what I mean by "witch hunt" free of discrimination so that this country can truly be a better place.
Thursday, June 30th 2011 at 7:19PM
Jen Fad
Marriage is allowed in all the States for heteros*xual couples but same s*x couples have to go to certain States in order to marry. I'm thinking that something is wrong with this picture if they are also citizens of the same country that heteros*xual couples are.
Re: Tracy Morgan said that if his son turned out to be gay, he would stab him to death. What is funny about that is what I want to know. Sure he can say what he wants because of freedom of speech, but speech isn't really all that free because people end up paying for it by being "black listed" and "blackballed" in their craft or Hollywood. Didn't he learn from what happened to Mel Gibson? Hmmm I guess he didn't.
Thursday, June 30th 2011 at 8:27PM
Jen Fad
hey jenFad,
you know I love nurses and you inspire my writings
but
lena arnold is inspiring-I am closer to your ideas on this subjec, i think
you say, "Whooo, I could never do this in church where people often stop thinking for themselves."
jenFad the Constitution says, MAN---------
now if I was a member of the 5 Man USA SupremeCourt2011---and were asked to define what some slaverFounders meant by 'MAN' in 1776-----I would not say donLemon........
Man produces life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness with a strong Family, wife/ves and children.
males are not MEN
being forever antiLife, Males like donLemon want us to imagine their Privacy?
NO, I do not care what someone does in their Private homes
but for my pursuit of happiness I as an American citizen do not want the homoGay folks to tell American Families like mine, about their Private bedroom antics..............
You're too cute. I don't think there is anything wrong with a man having more than one source of inspiration. The more the merrier in these times that we live in! The fact of the matter is homos*xual people aren't at least as far I know trying to tell Christian families how to live, but it’s been that Christian families have been trying to invoke their will upon the ENTIRE GAY COMMUNITY by telling them how to live as well as tell Gays what they can and not do; that ‘my inspiration’ is Unconstitutional and constitutes discrimination.
See Blog or Comment here re: Commentary For Discussion: What Does The Bible Actually Say About Gay Marriage?
Several days ago, a historic vote in the state of New York, pushed aggressively by Gov. Andrew Cuomo, legalized the practice of same-s*x marriage. Such an action was certainly a momentous decision for marriage equality rights in the LGBT community. The vote was not exactly sui generis, but the fact that it occurred in a large and populous state in the country drew more media attention than, say, Vermont. The media focus is a double-edged sword for the issue of same-s*x marriage: it exhibits an enlightening progress in our culture concerning the LGBT community, and it also gives voice to the cacophonous opposition
[...] Such opposition quite often utilizes religion as a bruising hammer to drive home their message, and often the Bible is invoked to justify any anti-gay argument. Groups opposed to same-s*x marriage cite Biblical passages to endorse their rejection of any marriage amendment while condemning same-s*x practice in general on the basis that the Bible "says" it is wrong.
