Bravo, Iyanla and Oprah: Sisters Can Work It Out (617 hits)
The two were able to calmly discuss their disparate views of Vanzant’s departure from Harpo without tears, recriminations or disrespect...
... 'Part of her reason for appearing on “Oprah” after all that time was to set the record straight about why she left to do her own show with Barbara Walters at the helm. If regular “Oprah” viewers were expecting just another routine show in this farewell season, they must have been surprised when Vanzant’s first appearance turned into a visceral, emotional conversation about the fallout that can happen when black women disagree.
As a black woman, I have had my share of misunderstandings with other sisters. From co-workers to good friends, I’ve seen firsthand how hurtful and shaming we can be to each other. Petty jealousies and feelings of insecurity and low self-worth often plague black women, who are taught sometimes from childhood to mistrust each other. A look at the cattiness and pettiness of black women that is casually displayed on popular reality shows like “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “Basketball Wives” too often echo real-life dramas.
What made Winfrey and Vanzant’s reunion different is that the two were able to calmly discuss their disparate views of Vanzant’s departure from the Harpo family without tears, recriminations, weave-pulling (well, Iyanla has short hair, and Oprah’s hair is famously her own) and disrespect, something that often eludes us in real-life conflicts.
Vanzant graciously admitted her own flaws and insecurities, while Winfrey simply assured her that her transgressions were forgiven. Iyanla maintained that when Walters’ offer came through, she simply thought it was too good to pass up and that maybe it was time for her to begin her own show. Winfrey, who had Vanzant under contract at Harpo to develop a show for her, countered by saying that she thought Vanzant was issuing her an ultimatum and that by freeing her up to go with Walters, she was doing what Vanzant wanted.
Both saw the meeting that undermined their relationship differently. And that was okay, as each gave their version of events - and both accepted the other’s version. When Winfrey felt Vanzant needed to clarify certain points, she asked her to. Vanzant maintained her position and explained herself - without anger or defensiveness. The shows with Vanzant and Winfrey were “reality TV" in a way that is rarely seen in our polarized, antagonistic media. Though the women obviously felt different about a situation that involved them both, they were able to see and respect each others' points of view and takes on it.
Last Wednesday's show was so intimate, it almost felt as though we were watching a discussion taking place behind closed doors. It was brave of both women to allow that kind of conversation to happen with the world watching. It was an instructive moment from two powerful and influential black women on how to peacefully and lovingly resolve a dispute.
That is the “must see TV” of which we need to see so much more.
Now that Winfrey and Vanzant have reconnected, we hope this may mean there is a chance that Vanzant can return to television. Her new book, “Peace from Broken Pieces,” tells the story of how she overcame the loss of her husband, her home and her beloved daughter Gemmia, who died of cancer in 2003. Vanzant’s testimony comes from an authentic place and is the kind of powerful voice that a network like OWN, for example, truly need." ...
