JILL SCOTT'S VIEWS ON INTERRACIAL DATING (729 hits)
Jill Scott has spurred a bit of controversy after penning an impassioned essay that seeks to explain the emotional reactions some black women have when they see a black man with a white woman. As expected, Jill’s words have sparked a strong reaction on both sides of the debate. Here’s an excerpt of her essay below: My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America. When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race.We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, s*x-hungry animals with limited brain capacity. We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts! Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.
Some have called her racist. That makes about as much sense as eating deodorant. Others question why every debate about interracial dating goes straight into a diatribe with rampant references to slavery. That statement may have a bit more validity to it. But Jill’s had her say. What’s yours? Black women, do you share her wince whenever you spot the swirl? Black men, what effects if any does Jill’s words have with you? A Post by: http://girl-friends.ning.com
This is an interesting topic. One that is bound to be a big issue in nationhood for black Americans. Sure, Anita...black women go thru some degree of culture shock when these engagement of black men and white women stares you in the face. It shocks me when I see a black woman with a white man.
The chemical reactions that take place confirms with your anxiety that this should NOT be so. Our very nature tells us that something is wrong with that. For me, I say let the black women keep virtue alive.
Wednesday, April 7th 2010 at 10:34PM
jamal Abraham
Comment by Ronald L. Salter I used to know Jill before she released "Who's Jll Scott". I am a bit surprised that she launched this idea on interracial relationships from the black females point of view. I don't think that its valid at all. The real problem is that there is a lack of "real black men". Many single black females are also jealous of their friends who have a good black man. I get hit on all the time by single black females, although I am married. When my wife and I go out to place with a lot of black patrons, and there are many single black females present, she has to hold on to me for dear life. Some of these "sisters" will flirt with me right in front of her. And don't let her go to the ladies room. lol!!
This is not to say that race doesn't play a part, whenever the black man is with a white woman. But the reality is that it wasn't the white woman who was the slave master. Black woman also get angry when a black man is with an Asian or Hispanic woman. Maybe Jill has been studying the history of slavery to come to this conclusion. But I don't believe that it is the dominant reason for the black woman's problem with being single, which is the real problem. BTW. My wife is very black.
Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:26PM
anita moore
Comment by elaine flowers Thanks, Ms Moore for posting this. I understand Jill Scott's position although I don't share it. Whenever I see a black man with a woman who isn't black (more specifically, white) I figure that he would be a man that I wouldn't be interested in anyway. We would have absolutely nothing in common. I can be somewhat militant and I too wonder (briefly) what that man's motivation was and if he only dates (marries) outside of his race. It makes me sad for him.
To comment on Mr. Salter's post, it is unfortunate that you and your wife must deal with desperation of a lot of single black women. There are some of us who ARE NOT, and CHOOSE to be single. However, I would suggest that you try and look at their plight (being single with little hope of ever getting married) with compassion and especially if you believe it to be their sole fault in being in this position. Both men and women are quick to blame black women for their desperate actions when I believe it to be their REACTIONS to the way society is set up, notwithstanding residuals from slavery.
Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:29PM
anita moore
Comment by elaine flowers why not plug my e-book while we're on the subject... "I Wouldn't Mind Having a Husband, I Just Don't Want to Be Somebody's Wife: The Single Woman's Guide to Self-fulfillment" http://www.thebizmo.com/user/store/elainef... Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:32PM
anita moore
Comment by John A. Smith Comment I agree with Jill. She is woman enough to say what many black women feel but they are afraid to say. Being a black man i too get a bad feeling when I see a black woman in the harms of the oppressors. They date you but they very seldom marry you. DIG THE MOVE!
Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:34PM
anita moore
Comment by Sasha Comment I happened to go and see a movie after work not too long ago. And when entering the movie theater, I saw that all the seats where packed. But I happened to see an empty seat next to a white woman, so I asked if the seat was taken. I could see her smile via the lights from the screen as she removed her purse responding
“By all means, have a seat”.
Every now and again, we would make comments to one another during the movie; even laughed at a few scenes; but I had no idea as of to whom was sitting next to her. Well, once the movie was over, I turned and thanked her for the seat, and I saw a young, yet handsome black man sitting next to her. He looks me in my face and gives her this long, wet, passionate kiss as if he was trying to somehow rub it in my face that they were together. I smiled, and said thank you to him as well, since I’m assuming she was his woman. He gave no reply. I think what’s wrong with ‘Black America’ is that almost everyone is under these false assumptions that:
A.ALL black women ‘wince’ at the sight of seeing a black man with a white woman (or any other woman for that matter). Keep in mind that some black men date black women that make many good black women ‘wince’ when we see them holding hands. It’s not so much about the color of the woman’s skin as much as it is how she carries herself. Does she have class, is she respectful to his family and friends, can she speak to people without looking them up and down like her $hit don’t stink. A woman of any color can demonstrate these bad habits if she has very little to no home training. So to me personally, seeing a ‘good’ black man (what ever that means to you as an individual) with a trashy woman makes me ‘wince’.
B.Society tends to believe that all single black women are dying to be married with kids. Not all of us are angry or emotional over the fact that we’re not mothers and unwed. I personally am single; and I currently have no problem with it. Because I know and understand that when it’s time for me to find that ‘right man’ for me, god will bring him way. So I take the time that I have to myself to work on me first (get rid of my emotional baggage) and get closer to god. Because I have to be in love with him first, myself second, and then a ‘good man’ third.
C.Society tends to assume that it’s somehow a bad thing to be single. Since when did being single become a negative? And since when did me being single means I want every man that I see with someone? These black men can date/marry/have kids with whomever they see fit; because over half of them who do date/marry and have kids with a woman who’s not black end up divorced within 2 to 4 years of the marriage, and they end up living through just as much hell with the woman they choose as they would with a sista. We’re not all so hard up for a man that we would get mad because we see them (someone we don’t know personally) with someone else. It’s just not that serious for many of us. For the most part, most successful, educated, god fearing good black women are spending more time focusing on getting ourselves established in life so that we do have something to bring to a marriage; than we are worrying about what Ol’ dude who married Becky has. Some black men marry outside their race for the wrong reasons anyway (i.e. they want interracial children, they like their hair, these women are somehow more submissive); so their marriages in most cases don’t last anyway. Its not built on a foundation of love and trust, its just looks, acceptance and even in some cases social status.
I guess the young man who peered at me from the lips of his girlfriend felt that he’d somehow hurt me, or made me feel bad about myself, because I was there alone and he was there with his (white) girlfriend. The only thing he did to me personally was show me just how ignorant he is; and based on what I seen from her, she could have done better. Not every black man who dates outside his race is a 'good black man'.
Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:35PM
anita moore
Comment by elaine flowers Comment Amen, Sasha!!... especially to point B
Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:36PM
anita moore
Comment by Joe Neely, Jr. This topic is one of the three that always seems to cause everyone who speaks to it to draw out the best and worst inner thoughts of those who dare take it on. Personally, I think Jill eloquently stated her view, and fortunately, or unfortunately, I share her view so precisely, I could have written the comment myself.
I do not think such deeply held beliefs constitute a racist view. Since I hate getting off topic when commenting on this, or any topic for that matter, I won't address the definition of racism, as I don't think this is a racism topic. The sentiments expressed by Jill are shared by many of us, certainly me. So much so, that my wife has often said with great confidence, that if anyone ever told her I ran off with a woman -not to suggest anything of the sort ever happen - she would know without any doubt it wouldn't be a white women. Her knowing enough about me to know I would never pursue any type of relationship with a white woman makes me about as much of a racist as hating all chicken because I hate half-cooked Bar-B-Que chicken.
Again, many of us who share Jill's views share them because of our undeniable, detestable history of slavery. I consider it more of an insult to my mother, my daughters, sisters and all of the black women I know, to so happily and proudly flaunt white women on my arms. I know times have changed, but I grew in a period in history when black men and black women were so deprived of everything that we cherished and made us who we are. The history of what happened to us so shaped my views that I can never get past my disdain for white women to ever consider any type of relationship them. To each his own, but do I “wince”, yes I do.
We also need to stop putting black women on the defensive about being single, as to suggest they are single because they drove these misguided brothers into the arms of white women. Both Elaine and Sasha are typical of today's black women and every subject we discuss should not be one where we use it to lambast them or other black women for choosing to be single. As I said earlier, let's stay on topic as we share our views on this topic and not make disparaging remarks about our sisters for their choices. I don't think either of these ladies gave any indication they were angry "single" black women, or didn't have a "good black man" because of their anger. There are dozens, if not hundreds of blogs and discussion topics on this site alone that deals with that issue, but I do not think that's the topic here. I have two beautiful daughters who are single and I know they aren't angry at, or jealous of other black women - or black men - who choose to interracial relationships.
Also, I try not to make it a practice of commenting on other posting on any given subject, but I have to say I didn't get the same message you got Ron when I read her statement. I didn't see her point (as you referenced) being she was angry because she was single, nor the reference that she, or other black women were jealous of other sisters who had "a good black man".
Yes Jill, I have to admit, I "wince" too, and for the same reasons.
Tuesday, April 13th 2010 at 3:38PM
anita moore
Comment by Sasha Joe touched on another ‘hot button’ topic that many black ‘men’ who’re dating white women tend to use as a tool in their personal reasoning for dating outside their race. I have to thank you for that Joe, because some of my co-workers was discussing this last week. A friend of mine (a black woman) is married to a white man. And we didn’t know this not until two weeks ago when she disclosed this information during a heated discussion. And she stated that her husband works with this black ‘man’ (term man being applied loosely) whom stated that he can’t stand black women. One of his main reasoning for stating that he can’t stand black women is because he believes we’re all ‘angry, vengeful, hateful and bitter’. Key word being ALL, as if he knows every black woman walking the face of this earth. He stated that black women take issue with black men dating/marrying/having kids with white women because we’re angry at the fact that we’re being ‘left behind’ and ‘passed over’ for more attractive, loving, and nurturing races of women. 0_o? Says who? Who comes up with this stuff? Who actually take the time to take a vote on which race of women is more attractive, more attentive to their husbands needs, much less more loving and nurturing? Because the last time I checked these are all individual personality/physical traits that can be assigned to any race of women. But so many black men buy into these falsehoods based mainly on the limited experiences they’ve had with a said number of women in their lives. Because they don’t know all of us to say that in disagreeing with either of their view points of interracial dating we’re somehow angry or bitter. I’ve even seen a few ‘educated’ brotha’s here state that other female posters and myself are somehow ‘bitter’ because we fail to see love, life and relationships form their perspective.
But the irony in this ‘black man vs. black woman’ dilemma is that men of other races tend to find black women more attractive based more on who we are as people; and not looks, size, hair or skin color. The majority of the men whom find me attractive and wish to seek my company are men who’re of Hispanic/Mexican/Latino; Asian Pacific Islander, Caucasian/European, and Middle Eastern/Southwest Asian descent. I spend more time talking to them than I do my own men. SO why is it that they can see me for who I am (my true beauty) but my own men can’t? based on the fact that I’m black 0_o? I can’t for the life of me understand that…….
Wednesday, April 14th 2010 at 6:22AM
anita moore
Comment by ava victoria mason 5 hours ago Hi Sasha, I mtself never really had a deep chemistry and connection from a black man I tried over and over again with little changes here and there but nothing worked. However, a friend on my job who is white really cred for me like a number ten but me I saw him as a seven. When I was in a car accident with a mild head injury somehow he found out about the accident later the wee hours of the morning waking up to my suprise he was there waiting for me to wake up but I saw him sleeping that was funny so I respected him more, but when I had my doctor visits I was going to take myself he comes to my house early coming to take me to the doctor and he takes time off work to take me to the doctor and for tests. The Divorce Court episode I saw it too that was a hot show, but as time grew I love him so I cant go back to my life without him and Ron you are right about chemistry, not the stereotype of others and race and the comment Im always hearing the "is it true about what they say about black men" LOL I told her to find out LOL, I will say she is a white woman who is herself she dosen't act black or trying to be something she's not and she is classy so yes if you love a black man go ahead, but it's the trailer park women with the high-end educated black men that's a trip. My cousin married a WW and she is classy and she compliments him they look great together. Even though he loves WW he always brought hom a classy white woman.
Wednesday, April 14th 2010 at 5:21PM
anita moore
Comment by ava victoria mason 5 hours ago So you love who you love, one good thing I was nevr pressured into s*x he said only when you are ready, one day I was ready he asked questions about the importance of being careful when having s*x, what is a turn out for me or a turn off for me. He knows my body and what gives me that out of body experienceLOL the lovemaking is INSANE, he times my body with his so we can climax togethr hey of course robin thicke "s*x therapy" is how he makes love so could it be better. I So opening up to whats outside my box and see all the other options that are equally good Im just happy I dont have a white man who is trying to be black he is himself and that is what attracts me to him, he is caring,loving, and passionate. Attentiveness his is attribute that is above teh rest, he talks to me about everything, when he is sad or hurting about something he cries he will show emotion we went to my cousins wedding LOL I love weddings and I get teary eyed, he looks at me he starts crying, I was laughing for a man to cry at a wedding that was to funny. So Jill Scott needs to cool it down a bit even though this was centuries ago and there is still a sting from it but jill fails to realize that some white people were abolishonists as well working on our behalf to free us at cost.
Wednesday, April 14th 2010 at 5:22PM
anita moore
Comment by ava victoria mason 19 minutes ago dear elaine, yes im not really into the stupid ass black men marrying trailer park trash and they live the great life and worship the white woman and she is treated like gold, forgetting the black woman a man I know married to his black wife for over 30 years he refuses to put her in a beautiful home of their own all his life he just rent homes, meanwhile on the job he has a white mistress who looks like she came out of a trash can he bought her a house and a new car that is some cold **** what is so sad is that the wife still hanging in there she said she loves him im like wake up but instead she is hoping he will be a decent husband. did I miss something? Really?
Wednesday, April 14th 2010 at 5:23PM
anita moore
