Open Relationships - Are You For/Against It (289 hits)
Oscar winner, and star of "Precious", Monique had tongues wagging when she repeated her philosophy about marriage to Barbara Walters. Talk radio and the blogosphere have been interpreting and commenting on exactly what Monique said and how her words defined her relationship and in some cases her self-worth.
All because of two words...open marriage. Monique is not the only black celebrity to talk about open marriage. Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis shared views about an open marriage in their joint biography, Broadway to Vegas. He stated, "It occurred to us, from observation and reasoning that extramarital s*x was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it--that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished--as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease". She said, "But we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like a rediscovery of something from the beginning". Really? It's estimated that anywhere from 1% to 4% of US adults have open relationships. Dr. Steve Brody, a psychologist and relationship expert, stated, "It's got to be less than 1%". The truth is that most couples are probably hesitant to reveal their marital arrangements for fear of criticism or avoidance. The anthropologist husband and wife team, Nena and George O'Neill first wrote about open marriage in 1972. Their research must have been pretty stimulating (pun intended). They presented open marriage as both a concept and a process. It was characterized by "here and now living" combined with "realistic expectations". The open marriage model operated under the premise of privacy, role flexibility, open and honest communication (especially about fantasies, self-disclosure), equality of power and responsibility, the pursuit of identity (differences were not a threat), trust (nothing to hide).
Hmm...interesting right? Open marriage is not just about open s*x. Emotional and physical intimacy are two critical factors of a fulfilling relationship. Couples that have open marriages are significantly less likely to have lasting, successful unions compared to traditional relationships. It turns out that even in open marriages, the traditional aspects of trust, agreement and equality are extremely important. I guess at the end of the day, "open style" is best defined by reciprocal love, respect and trust in a relationship not by the number of partners or positions. And for the record, the twice-divorced Monique stated that she has not "stepped out" (this time) and in fact is married to the "love of her life". Ossie Davis perhaps said it best, "s*x is fine, but love is better". This article leads to a lot of questions on Open Relationships. Do people do this in order NOT to be committed to their partner which leaves the door open for them to step out with no consequences. "Having their cake and eating it too". Where does spirituality fit into this situation. Does this make open relations seem sort of like swinging? Tell me what you think?
