For Brothers Only: How To Love A Black Woman (338 hits)
BROTHER, we've got to talk. To get right to the point, your woman called. That's right, (YOUR woman) and she asked, practically begged for me, to tell you what you don't know.
The major problem is that you think you know everything, but what you don't know would fill a library.
Now it's time for you to pull up a chair, put on your reading glasses, and open your eyes and mind to receive the unadulterated truth about how to love and satisfy your Black woman. So listen up, this is what she needs and wants.
SHE WANTS HONESTY (even if it hurts).
If you're in an established relationship and have decided to move on, or if you've dropped the ball somewhere along the line and truly want to atone for your actions, you should be truthful as soon as possible, says TV personality Iyanla Vanzant, founder of Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Center and Bookstore in Silver Spring, Md., and author of Until Today.
"A woman can handle almost anything if you tell her the truth about it," she says. "But if you lie to her, you will undermine her faith in herself, and ultimately her trust in you. Tell her the truth. Let her work it out. You can damage love and love will repair; but once you damage trust, you've got a rough road to walk."
On the other hand, a common lie Brothers tell involves the promise of a commitment or exclusivity at the very beginning of the union. According to experts, leading a woman on is immature and, unnecessary, as some independent women in today's dating scene just aren't focused on walking down the aisle right away, or at all.
SHE WANTS TO BE NO. 1.
Your woman wants to know that she is No. 1 in your eyes--she doesn't want to compete with your job, your co-workers, your relatives, your homeboys, your favorite football-basketball-baseball team, or your exes.
And if your woman senses that you're into anybody or anything more than you're into her, it's going to set off alarm bells, says Erin of Milwaukee, who staged a successful showdown with her man over a videogame.
"We bought the video game for our son," she says. "But my husband spent more time playing it than anybody. He cut our dinnertime short, and we stopped going out. Once, I wore some lingerie to entice him, but he told me, 'Give me a few more minutes," and continued playing. That was the last straw. That night when he came to bed, I pulled his suitcase out of the closet and told him that I was not going to compete with a video game. He has since gotten his act together."
Vanzant says that your woman must know that she is the queen of the castle to feel emotionally secure.
"A woman wants to know that she is safe with you, and many women in relationships with Black men do not feel safe," she says. "Men have to find a way to do what they want to do and still allow a woman to feel that she is most important to him, that she is No. 1."
SHE WANTS (MORE) FOREPLAY.
When was the last time you blew your woman's mind? Sisters are complaining that some Brothers aren't familiar with the art of wooing a woman--making love to her mind and soul; systematically teasing and pleasing her with one sweet gesture after another.
The groundbreaking EBONY s*x Survey (October 2004) revealed that 27 percent of Black women report being somewhat satisfied with their s*x lives and 32 percent report that they are dissatisfied.
And a whopping 56 percent of Black women desire more foreplay and touching before and during intercourse.
Foreplay is a necessary element of the wooing process, and it doesn't begin in the bedroom, says New York-area psychologist and talk show host Jeff Gardere, author of Love Prescription: Ending the War Between Black Men and Women.
"When you love a Black woman right, you have to start early in the day," he advises. "You kiss her in the morning as she leaves for work, you call her during the day, you send her flowers in the afternoon and just keep building up the prelude to the kiss when she returns from work. And you make love to her, which involves talking, holding and touching, and communicating with her afterwards."
SHE WANTS (MORE) AFTERPLAY.
Newsflash: According to the EBONY s*x Survey and other research, your woman wants more s*x, more often; some women want s*x daily, and the majority of respondents desire s*x more than once a week.
Overwhelmingly, Sisters have stated that they want more variety and creativity in the bedroom. Forty percent of women say oral stimulation is the most preferred method for achieving an orgasm, with penile penetration coming in second place at 33 percent.
Women have chosen their favorite s*xual positions: the missionary position (man on top) is most popular, with rear ******l entry and woman on top in second and third place, respectively.
s*x therapist Hope Ashby also reports that your woman wants to spice up your lovemaking sessions with more variety and more adventurous play. Communication is perhaps the best aphrodisiac of all, so ask your woman what she wants in bed, and tell her what you want.
