Mid-Life Reflections or Fifty: Living and Loving Every Moment!! (149 hits)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Mid-Life Reflections or Fifty and Loving Every Moment If you think you have questions about where your life is headed at 30 or 40, wait until you get to be 50 like me! Sometimes I wonder if I am having a mid-life crisis or is this just the onset of menopause.
My 50th Birthday Celebration was the Happiest weekend ever. However whenever you hit those birthdays with zeros behind them you think back on where you’ve been and where you are going and believe me we are all going somewhere whether you have goals or a plan to implement them.
After the Joy of the Birthday cake, balloons, flowers and gifts reality began to set in. I said to myself here I am at fifty still single. At times the thought occurs to me, “Am I past my prime” but I know the answer to that is a resounding, No! When I was in my 20s and early 30s marriage was never a priority with me because I was career driven, plus at the time my parents were alive. My Mom and Dad were my support system. I dated but did not want any commitment and unlike most women I never really had the desire to have children. I do love children but not enough to have my own. I felt joy in interacting with my cousins children and that was enough for me because I knew if they became unruly I could always give them back!
After both my parents died then I felt the loneliness and emptiness of not having a loving relationship. These feelings led me into abusive relationships with men, one of which lasted 7 years. Fortunately he left me and I felt a burden lift off my shoulders. Ladies, men are not a support system. Sooner or later those handsome roughnecks, players and hoodrats abuse you or leave you for a younger model. Of course I still want a life partner but I date very selectively and carefully. Been celibate for over two years, difficult but this time period has been the most creative for me in a long time. Right now my priorities are my academic, personal and intellectual pursuits. As a result I have different requirements of what I want in a man. Also I notice as I have gotten older men of other races are attracted to me. I realize I have got to get beyond the outside package and look within if I ever expect to receive a mate. I Love my cat Sylvester but I know that I cannot spend the next ten years talking and sleeping with him!
For some reason I get a lot of attention from Eastern European and Arab men. Maybe they see something I don’t, however I still proceed with caution. I enjoy having intellectual conversations on history, politics, literature, the theatre and music. Being that I have a BA in English I can hold my own with any man. Also for me personally mid-life has made me more sassy and outspoken with each passing decade.
A New Attitude When I wrote my first 5oth year Reflections I expressed how I was not going to change my appearance but age gracefully. Well the heck with that! I use that moisturizer every day, get my eyebrows waxed, manicures and pedicures and on June 19th 2009 I am going to the beauty shop and dyeing my hair Red! Yes Red to match my Fiery personality! To paraphrase the Patty LaBelle song, “I’m looking good from my head to my shoes. I’ve got a New Attitude!”
Truly at age 50, going through menopause I am comfortable within my skin.As I get older I realize that I am living this life for me and nobody else. The expression "Change of Life" captures it all! However despite the challenges each new decade in life brings, Neh. 8:10 The Joy of the Lord is My Strength!
P.S. -- BTW: The attached photo is my Marymount Manhattan College graduation photo taken when I was 42. I now sport a medium length, growing fast Afro.
