Why Do Women, Rich Or Poor Remain In Abusive Situations? (3664 hits)
Although many women have moved from the backroom to the boardroom, there are still inequities when it comes to their relationships. Along with the employment gains women have made, there are still remarkably high numbers of women, rich or poor who choose to remain in relationships where domestic violence is prevalent.
I was asked basically the same question by Geraldo Rivera. He posed it in relation to how I would counsel Rihana, a high-profile victim of domestic abuse inflicted upon her by her celebrity boyfriend, Chris Brown. Before I answer the question, let me share some statistics from my recently published book, “How To Get To The Palace From Your Prison: Joseph’s 14-Step Program to Overcome Loneliness, Depression, Discrimination, Barrenness, & Abuse” (www.lulu.com/content/1852847).
Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend per year, to three million women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into s*x ,or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or s*xually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey. Women are seven to 14 times more likely than men to report suffering severe physical assaults from an intimate partner. The health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide by intimate partners exceed five point eight billion dollars each year (CDC study). On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
In a nutshell, from my experience women, rich or poor, remain in abusive situations typically because of low self-esteem, fear, conditioning, exposure as a child to domestic or child abuse in the home, poverty or the inability to financially provide for themselves and their offspring.
The key to solving the problem of domestic abuse is multifaceted. Providing housing, employment, and food will not make the problem go away. This is clearly evident in the fact that domestic abuse does not discriminate and is found all over the world regardless of income, race or class. Please note that domestic violence is also found among lesbian and gay couples.
The approach to solving domestic violence will take the cooperative effort of first of all the couple, who must acknowledge that there is a problem and they must be willing to seek help. If they chose to stay together, not only does the victim need help, but also the abuser, who often suffered abuse at the hands of a parent or someone in authority over them at some point in their life.
It is said that it takes a village to raise a family. To end domestic violence we will need all the resources that a village can offer to come together and work side by side- family, relatives, friends, police, school, counseling agencies, the church, government and legislation to end this dysfunctional behavior that is eroding the fabric and stability of families and relationships all over the world.
Let's put and end to domestic violence against men, women and children today! Any ideas on how we can get started? Let me hear from you.
I won't comment on the Chris and Rhianna situation because I'm still waiting on all the fact, but it sounds like you've answered your own question very well. And I agree. I just witnessed something yesterday that was like, "Whoa." This lady's old boyfriend came to the place she was hanging out with her new man and ACTED A FOOL. Then he stood outside the place after she left and kept calling her cell phone. She finally answered and he clowned some more, demanding that she come back up there and square things with him or he was going to tear some stuff up.
I was like, "Wow." Thank God I was getting my food to go! Come to find out, he's been to jail twice behind breaking the restraining order she has against him. I see this as ending badly because instead of her calling the police, she left and then answered his phone calls. I think that entertaining the conversation AT ALL of a man who could practically threaten your life is playing with fire. I'm praying for her and for her new man, who tried to reason with this person to no avail.
And I will never understand the obsession with somebody who doesn't want you. Why on earth would anyone, man or woman, want their significant other to be afraid of them? ...to feel like they HAVE to be with you? It's crazy.
Blessings...
Sunday, May 10th 2009 at 5:39AM
Dee Gray
Women who continue to stay in abusive relationships have serious back ground history with some type of abuse (normally). They either witnessed their parents going at it or someone close to them being abused. Some women think it's the norm, the "he doesn't love me if he doesn't hit me syndrome". They continue to come back for me, because they have no self esteem. They don't think that they can live without a man. They continue to take any and every rotten thing that he throws at them. They don't want to realize that abuse, whether physical or mental is not LOVE. To them it is LOVE and he promised not to do it again mentality, he really loves me. Over and over they tell themselves he just had a bad day and it's my fault because I shouldn't or should have mess! If I tell, then my family won't like him or my family is going to hurt him. I know these facts to be true, because I was once the helpless victim.
Thank God that I lived through it! I promised God the last time (22 years ago) he kicked me with those Timberland boots, that I was going to run with my baby and never look back. That night I left him and never looked back! You would never know if I hadn't told you. God intervened on my behalf and saved me that night, he blessed me with a wonderful husband who adores and loves me. God brought my husband to me, to show me how a woman should be treated! I am forever greatful and blessed. I am also happy to say that the curse is broken and my daughter is a healthy 22 year old young lady, who has graduated from college and is pursuing her masters. The curse is broken because I talk to my daughter all the time about my past, she listens and hears me. I didn't have that growing up, communication was null and void in my Mothers household. Y'all better hear me when I tell you that God is good and greatly to be praised! I know that I'm bless by the BEST! This ain't no color purple here!
Monday, May 11th 2009 at 2:04PM
Gwen Coleman
