If love is blind, "marriage is like a trip to the optometrist's office," warns an 81-year-old priest from New Jersey in a new book for women designed to help them evaluate whether the man they're dating is marriage material. If he has no friends, or if you can't see in him the qualities you want in your children, run!
Up front, Father Pat Connor addresses those who might question his authority to speak on the topic. "You might be thinking, 'He's a priest. He's never been married,' and in that you would be correct." But, he goes on, "for over 50 years I have had the privilege of speaking with young women on the subject of whom not to marry.
Top on his list is, "Never marry a man who cannot hold down a job." Then there's "never marry a man who has no friends."
One of his must-haves is physical attraction. "There used to be, in one of the formulas used at weddings, a wonderful sentence that was said by each spouse in turn: 'With my body, I thee worship.' If you feel no physical attraction to him, don't marry him!"
Beware of the "Green-Eyed Monsters." "Envy and jealousy are as complex as they are puzzling, and they're both destructive." He tells of a young woman who loved to dance but complained, "my boyfriend always declines my offers to dance with me.
When I'm dancing with other boys, I can feel him staring at us. How can I help him to like dancing and to stop staring?" "You'll probably never get your boyfriend to like dancing," Father Pat told her, "and the staring only means that jealousy is in play here. Have a chat with him about that unlovely quality. If he persists in his jealous-laden behaviour, drop him!"
If your boyfriend has cold feet, "Never put yourself in the position of trying to persuade him to marry you. No good can come of that," he writes. "It's important to pay attention to those actions that convey a lack of commitment on his part."
