Since Molestation/Incest Occurrences in the Black Community Are Common, Why Then is it Still a Taboo Subject? (15799 hits)
Having been on this site for some time, I've had the opportunity to read different blogs and view different video clips uploaded to this site as well as I have talked with other Black people to learn that many have been molested and have been touched inappropriatedly by friends and family memebers.
It seems to me that every other sister I befriend later reveals that they have had someone they knew in their family as a child do some really messed up stuff. I want to find out from you all here one thing...
Why then is the subject of molestation and incest still a taboo subject in our community? Is it that Black people are very private people or is it that we perhaps like to keep up the facades for other people? Please if you have an answer to this, I'd like to hear it.
Is it possiby that alot of black families live two or three generations under on roof? This blending of families is common... Black Americans tend to help each other and are usually close. To find out about incest or any form of dysfunction tends to bring disappointment, denial, shame and embarrasment. So alot of times, family members are told or thought to hide the "dirty little secrets".
Wednesday, April 21st 2010 at 9:11PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
I can appreciate what you've just said, because when I was growing up there was a strange family ( mother/father/two daugters ) that lived in our community. They always wore dresses and not a spot of makeup.
They went to the "Holiness" church and the father was a deacon. When the daughter came up pregnant, it was reported by the wife that the fgirl's father had fathered the baby.
I suppose this was the last straw for the mother/wife since she couldn't keep the secret anymore especially when the secret would be protruding from her own daughter's belly. The father left the home. It was the best thing for all of them when he moved out.
I think most families are not proud of seeing it happen to their own. They like to keep it covered up and most time they are embrassed of what goes on behind closed doors. When it leaks out many families have a hard time coping with it and may make scrutinity of the innocent and the guilty. So it's a hushed and dirty secret that tortures others in the family too.
Wednesday, April 21st 2010 at 10:03PM
MIISRAEL Bride
I like this blog!!! Very.. Insightful?
Wednesday, April 21st 2010 at 10:30PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
JEN THIS IS THE KIND OF dialog I like to take part in; our youth is first. If we could have open dialect.. on subjects that are sensitive... It helps educate and I become informed..... NO... ENLIGHTENED....:-)
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 7:25AM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
Jen... You see there is no way that mother could not have known what was going on in her home. Women with low self worth and or self esteem, usually fall prey of this kind of living conditions... !!!
Loving a man more than themselves!!!!
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 7:29AM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
I really appreciate the comments to this blog and I'm really glad that you (Sister Cynthia) have found this blog useful. I really believe in my heart of hearts that we as a community would be able to get further in life if we could cultivate the habit of talking openingly about things like this that are affecting our community in a negative way. Why is it that we only want to talk about things like what the White man did or isn't doing? What about what we are doing to ourselves? Let's talk about it all is what I say.
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 7:37AM
Jen Fad
Why is it that we only want to talk about things like what the White man did or isn't doing?
I feel because of our nature... It's easy to blame our oppressors than thank ownership of our failures.
Naturally, our African ancestors were correct when they blamed white society... Look at what was done to them... enslaved Africans were pilaged, raped, taken from their home, the culture, religion, language... Placed in a NEW WORLD... unfamiliar to them... And once freed, these freedmen were still denied common rights.
Today, so many of our youngsters use the past as their reason not to move on. My son was accepted at Morehouse... He turned it down... To this day, I can not understand... I told him that the basic "rights" our people had to fight for, this younger generation takes for granted.
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 9:43AM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
I understand your points and I do agree. I would like to add to your point by saying that our ancestors weren't passive like this generation of young people we are seeing who don't know their true history, nor did they lay around and have a pity party about their plight... those people took action.
They fought in the World Wars, took part in the Civil War on the side of the northerns, they helped people who wanted to escape --- find freedom in the Buffalo, NY and the South East and North Eastern parts of Canada.
The biggest problem with our people is that we don't know our own history and it (our history) began long before slavery in Africa where we were expert traders, engineers, tailors of find tapestries and clothes, architects, and rulers of our own civilized kingdoms.
I find that not knowing these things is what makes not just the youth, but the older people not fulfill their destinies or to settle. It is up to parents like you and me to instill in our children the heritage and culture of who we are rather than letting someone else define it for them... at least that's what I'm doing for my 4 year old.
I know that I've talked alot so let me get off my soapbox because I could go on and on:) I love discussing with you Sister Cynthia
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 10:08AM
Jen Fad
Jen... I enjoy our dialog as well.... The point you made "our history" I was so blessed, I grew up with my grandparents (in a time when grandparents looked like grandparents) and I was told the oral history of my ancestors... Our youth don't have that... our displaced men, male mentors.... Girl... like you I can just go on and on...
That's why I like Health Care... because it's not just a bandage, stitches or pill.. It's about being able to sit down and communicate... I believe if we as future nurses/doctors... If we can provide a sense of comfort, care... Mental Illness statistics would fall drastically. If we could educate parents that... ADHD is a high tech term used for over active behavior... Not all of this required a pill.... WE are just going to have to get back to the basics... I don't know how... But put family first..... find time to get involved with the youth... Don't you think we would see some major changes in our world? Especially within our black communities...
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 11:06AM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
Absolutely agree with you... I think sometimes the mindset of our people have so much to do with our present state... Even with the best of education, you'll find that our people know so little about our history. Some will say that I'm not African, but American since they've never set foot on African soil. Although I understand... I feel dismayed at times.
It's not just African Americans, but Black people in general. I've had the wonderful opportunity to interact with people from the motherland & you'd be surprised how they have also embraced some parts of colonialism and discarded things from their own culture.
Do you know that agriculture was a big commody in many parts of W. Africa, but many have abandoned it to pursue being lawyers, doctors, etc meanwhile they import much of the food from other parts of the world and minute parts of the country that still embraces agric? I find it interesting.
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 11:20AM
Jen Fad
Ha! It is Nigeria and how did you guess? lol
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 1:08PM
Jen Fad
My dean in the biology department is from Nigeria... Like you say, He came here got his degree.. then started sending for his family.... extended family... I find Nigerian men to be very intelligent.... But the ones I've met... I couldn't live by their customs... At the university alot of the staff are Africans (mostly from Nigeria) Indians, Asians...
I have this female friend she will not date a black man... She only dates Nigerians...
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 1:16PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
You continue Enlightening us... That's how we all learn... By sharing each other's ideas, thoughts, opinions.... AND I MUST AGREE.... JEN BRINGS SOME VERY GOOD ISSUES TO DISCUSS.... I have enjoyed this very much... JEN EVEN ENTERTAINED ME... THE STORY ON MY GIRL MO'NIQUE...
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 2:56PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
Irma... I too was raised Catholic until I began to come into my own understanding and my religious beliefs and every day that I live... I'm learning...
As I told you... Confessions were the hardest thing for me to deal with.... I felt very uncomfortable exposing my thoughts to a mere mortal...
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 2:59PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
Clark I believe it happens more in the homes of our people.... and the reasons it is not discussed and kept secret is because of the SHAME..
It does happen in all races to some degree... So, I don't want to say this only happens in the black community... but we as a community of people (black/african) we have to open the door for discussion... No matter how dirty or ugly the subject is.
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 3:36PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
I'm really flattered that you guys think this a great blog topic and thanks again for the comments because I have found them to be very helpful. We have to take this conversation to our families and friends to encourage dialogue about this dirty little secret we hide that slowly eats away at the fabric of who we are as a people.
How can do we do this? Should we get our local communities involved by starting with the Church or Mosque? I'd like us to really see what we can do especially since Mo'nique opened the door for us to talk about.
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 4:16PM
Jen Fad
Clark... No, we should never say it's only a black problem.. I agree... something such as this should be treated in a way that any victim should be able to talk about it... I totally agree with what you say... It has to handled in a delicate situation. And I can understand this particular situation, to imagine once family members found out about this behavior... Family tended to stray away from the (dysfunctional) family member... It's a double edged sword... The victim feels that she's the cause, that everyone will look at her as the bad person.... The Dysfunctional person is now dealing with inward feelings of guilt, remorse... any number of things. But I believe the best therapy for any and every situation in life is having one person whom (I am) closest with whom I can open up and talk to. And the styles of communication comes from home... I tell my son's what ever happens; they can always talk to me... I don't care what it is...
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 4:39PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
Jen... This is a topic I can talk on for days... on end....
How can do we do this? Should we get our local communities involved by starting with the Church or Mosque?l
I definitely want Clark's input on this....
I believe that it starts from home... Jen with your little 4 years old... You ensure your child that there is nothing that your child cannot come and talk to you about... big or small. Deshonne, he's my 10 years old... We have our weekly talk session.. He tells me about school and I tell him about school... Then we open dialect on what did his classmates say about his hair (he has long thick hair and he wears twists/I haven't let it dread... ) children tend to tease him about his hair... Of course I told him his hair is a representation of his African and Native cultures... and he has so much to be proud of it....
But this is the dialog that he and I discuss.. When my 24 years old son came to me at 19 and told me he was ready to have s*x.... I took him to the Drug store and asked the clerk to tell me what she could about the c*ndoms.... Because this is my son... and I want him protected... The Clerk could not believe that my son came to me and informed me of his intentions.... I didn't get all dramatic.... But when he told me that this other female was pregnant... I got ballistic then... Because that meant he was not using precautions.... against STD's...
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 4:48PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
You know Irma we could start a whole new discussion on the Catholic Faith. As you and I both know the acts of molestation in the Catholic churhes has gone on for years. What happened in the past... A Priest was usually moved to another Parrish... Not reprimanded for their actions. Catholics are very dedicated followers ..
No I am not ready to start a blog... NO I would not dare say you implied that this form of improper behavior towards our youth is one sided... I do not approve of any form of improper behavior period, to women, children.. animals.. lol
Thursday, April 22nd 2010 at 9:34PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
I think it's not discussed because it is a private matter, and oh so common... most are in denial about it, turn the other cheek not so much because they DON'T want to deal with it, but because they DON'T KNOW HOW TO deal with it... Is saying I'm sorry on public TV enough to heal Mo'Nique's pain? Undoubtedly NO... Admittance is the first step, acknowledgment -yes, but they both need counseling... what he did to her, what s*xual abuse does to anyone is annihilation... I think it's impossible to ever be a whole, complete person... you wonder why it's not a deal breaker if her husband was to cheat on her... isn't it obvious... You wonder why 70% of black women are single...
The psychological state of a person who was or is a victim of that kind of abuse can never be the same, or sane, or sound, or at peace... trust, love, security, etc. is lost...
Check out my book: "Food for the Soul" by Maryanne D. Brown Campbell, available at www.authorhouse.com;www.amazon.com and Barnes & Noble for greater insight into the root or culprit of such issues...
Friday, April 23rd 2010 at 1:21AM
Maryanne Campbell
Sister Maryanne I will definitely check out your book, but where have you been girl? I've missed you and your blogs.
Friday, April 23rd 2010 at 5:51AM
Jen Fad
...you wonder why it's not a deal breaker if her husband was to cheat on her... isn't it obvious...
Those are my sentiments precisely on Mo'. s*x should be sacred in a marriage and exclusive to the husband and the wife. I do applaud Mo' for revealing this dirty little secret & I also believe that her brother did the right thing to finally admit what he did was hurtful and wrong.
It's the first step to the start of the healing process. I hope we who viewed the Oprah show can take away some points on how to begin to speak about molestation and incest.
Both Mo' and her brother need to do individual therapy but at some point the entire family will have to have group therapy because it has affected all of them. Who knows perhaps Mo's brother was abused by someone else in the family or other members of the family were abused by him and haven’t come out yet.
Yes that would be ideal if Oprah would allow it to happen...she could ask Dr. Phil to be the host.
Friday, April 23rd 2010 at 2:49PM
Jen Fad
Yes that would be ideal if Oprah would allow it to happen...she could ask Dr. Phil to be the host.
Friday, April 23rd 2010 at 2:49PM
Jen Fad
Hey... I'd miss work to watch that show!!
Friday, April 23rd 2010 at 7:24PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
Hey Jen! :) I've been MIA since I've been busy with school and all of life's dramas, but it's good to be back, and great to see you still hanging in strong! Her brother seemed nonchalant about it, and unremorseful in my opinion. I wonder why he even bothered to apologize? But it's a step in the right direction I suppose...
Saturday, April 24th 2010 at 6:59PM
Maryanne Campbell
I watched the movie "Precious" on DVD, and in my opinion Monique did one hell of a job portraying her character. I read her interview in Essence magazine prior to the movie being released and she said that she refused to be a victim.
A lot of people disagree with the fact that Monique played the role of an abusive mother. However, believe it or not, Precious is a positive movie, it showed young girls everywhere that positive still comes out of everything. Many have to experience rape, molestation, s*xual abuse, abortions, miscarriages, excess heartache and pain, etc, in order to acquire those soul lessons and learning to live for themselves. Same with Monique and Oprah.
s*xuality, negative or positive, still brings forth necessary soul lessons for our sistersteaches us lessons. We are all here to learn about POWER. The greatest power is s*xual power. s*x is the most powerful creative force in the Universe. People of all races have to learn to control it and direct it for their own good.
Sunday, April 25th 2010 at 4:46PM
Siebra Muhammad
It was not "I" who started that this kind of behavior is what ?!?... limited to mulit- Black familys living in unity under one roof...nor have I hinted it is worst or less in my race...
I am not talking about the experience should be limited to some child abuse sould accepted, can be excused or limited to a specific blog...( "I" believe that some Black children like me were adopted therefore incest should not be limited to blood kin) not as long as s*x abuse happens to ANY CHILDE NO MATTER THE RACE, CREED OR COLOR OF SKIN, mass media exposure,social norms ect....I am saying abuse of any and all children it not legal nor morally accpeted by M-E!!!! (smile)
And, Chynthia, I chant (pray) this is what you are trying to say to me. (smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
...and, Cynthia, does this mean you will be doing a blog?!? One on how statistice says / have done studys on how Blacks have moe of this beharior...blacks who live in munti-generation homes....(smile)
dialogs / blogs should not be limited just to showing my race as a negative...(smile) but, again this is just me. (smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
Cynthia, so glad you brought the "pareants" into the dialogue... because now because aa a child this person could not get any help aagainst what the theme of thiss post...he is now suing the POPE for years of s*x molestation by the same priest in twoo countrys...Mexico and america...
transfering from parish to parishis one tHing transfering from country to country brings in a whole new way to "HIDE s*x DEVIENTS...but this is only me believing our children should be protected from any and all forms of abuse and not be limited in any way form or excuses OF JUST STOPING WITH IT BEING WITHIN A FAMILY....
"i" WAS RAISED IN A THREE GENERATION FAMILY AND ThIS CAN LEAD TO SOME MAJOR FALSE THOUGHTS TO "BLACK FAMILY UNITY"...and God knows our race don't need any more of this kinds of brainwashings...
the same way dead is dead...abuse of our children is abuse...is the way that "I" look at it(SMILE)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
Me, I had all girls and I told them very, very early since I trust them and they trust me...if they were to become s*xually active come to me so the I can get them birth control pills...when "I" keep saying that each person is responsible for their own behaviors and that babys come from their mothers so that the human race can be able to continue...I also never mess with mother nature either. lol ..
NOR DO I BELIEVE THAT MYTH THAT YOUR DAUGHTER WILL GET PREGNANT BY A MALE BORN OF WOMAN AND MINE WILL NOT.(smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
I do know if this were to happen Dr. Phil and, is dignified , what are those tv daily shows where the daughter and the mother are fighting over the same lover...and, after 5-10 trys at the DNA tests they still have not found the father of the baby's yet, programs?!? lol
Oprah ma have some serious, trying to healo famlies on her O-W-N network, which would be very good, because a lot of tose wo fear coming out on this issue will be able to help themselves and others...I am sure...but, and, if it is to be done in good tasee then Oprah will be the one to look to bring this about.(smile)
and, because "NO" is no then maybe a lot of rape victims will come out to get help also...lets hope so...
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
PRETTY IRONIC HUH, NOW LETS ALL HOPE TAHT oPRAH'S FAMILY MEMBERS, YES MEMBERS COME ON HER PROGRAM AND CONFESS AND SAY HOW SORRY THEY ARE FOR s*xUALLY ABUSING HER, OPRAH FOR YEARS OVER MANY STATES. (smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
JEN, AS YOU KNOW HOW "i" AM ALWAYS SAYING HOW HUMAN BEHAVIOR is all about survival and being happy...
WELL in the 21st century because we have so many, many wars going on all at once , THOU SHALL NOT KILL HAS BEEN CHANGED TO THOU SHALL NOT MURDER...
THE 7TH COMMANDMENT HAS BEEN CHANGED TO 'A s*x ADDITION'...this makes it socially accepted(?!?)
NOW WHAT WAS THE ORIGINAL QUESTION ABOUT WHY AND b-l-a-c-k IN The SAME QUESTION-SENTeNCE... AS IT IS ALL ABOUT SURVIL BE IT REPUTATION, CONSCIOUS, SOCIAL / political/STATUS/ gender / creed , ETC......(smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
...or if catholic all you have to do is go to confession OVER AND OVER AND.......(smile)
ALL SO FAR(who have made a comment ) OTHER THAN MIISRAEL HAVE BEEN practicing MEMBERS OF THIS FAITH...just speaking the truth as "I" always do non this site...
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
As related to the professor from nigeria...I heard a Mexican-american who was about to graduate from UCD giving a speach about how all of the fimily are no longer out there in teh fields, because now at least one in the family is in college...
I heard a person born and raised in this same country still angry because they often went hungry because the very foods they were working in was only being sent to england...
One of my student teachers at UCD told us how hard it is for people from Africa to get to come to INTO this country...and, this is because dispite them not having TB the brainwaing about TB was teh excuse to keep the people from Africa out...now guess what?!? CAN ANYONE SY AIDES. NEED I SAY NO MORE. (SMILE)
NOW "i" WILL SHUT UP.LOL
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
Thank you so much Jen for that teaching moment about our culture, history ...as it goes to farther help us all to understand what the expression "AND THE TURTH SHALL SET YOU FREE" means. (smile)
I am so proud of Cynthia's son for making is own choice. (smile)to me this is J.F.K.'s'profile in courage"...
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
