Why Do Women, Rich Or Poor Remain In Abusive Relationships? (5403 hits)
Although many women have moved from the backroom to the boardroom, there are still inequities when it comes to their relationships. Along with the employment gains women have made, there are still remarkably high numbers of women, rich or poor who choose to remain in relationships where domestic violence is prevalent.
I was asked basically the same question by Geraldo Rivera. He posed it in relation to how I would counsel Rihana, a high-profile victim of domestic abuse inflicted upon her by her celebrity boyfriend, Chris Brown. Before I answer the question, let me share some statistics from my recently published book, “How To Get To The Palace From Your Prison: Joseph’s 14-Step Program to Overcome Loneliness, Depression, Discrimination, Barrenness, & Abuse” (www.lulu.com/content/1852847).
Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend per year, to three million women who are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into s*x ,or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or s*xually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey. Women are seven to 14 times more likely than men to report suffering severe physical assaults from an intimate partner. The health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide by intimate partners exceed five point eight billion dollars each year (CDC study). On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
In a nutshell, from my experience women, rich or poor, remain in abusive situations typically because of low self-esteem, fear, conditioning, exposure as a child to domestic or child abuse in the home, poverty or the inability to financially provide for themselves and their offspring.
The key to solving the problem of domestic abuse is multifaceted. Providing housing, employment, and food will not make the problem go away. This is clearly evident in the fact that domestic abuse does not discriminate and is found all over the world regardless of income, race or class. Please note that domestic violence is also found among lesbian and gay couples.
The approach to solving domestic violence will take the cooperative effort of first of all the couple, who must acknowledge that there is a problem and they must be willing to seek help. If they chose to stay together, not only does the victim need help, but also the abuser, who often suffered abuse at the hands of a parent or someone in authority over them at some point in their life.
It is said that it takes a village to raise a family. To end domestic violence we will need all the resources that a village can offer to come together and work side by side- family, relatives, friends, police, school, counseling agencies, the church, government and legislation to end this dysfunctional behavior that is eroding the fabric and stability of families and relationships all over the world.
Let's put and end to domestic violence against men, women and children today! Any ideas on how we can get started? Let me hear from you.
The key to solving the problem of domestic abuse is to lay down the law during courtship. Rule number one - no hitting. The same rule you tell your children. A playful hit turns into a slap.
We all know that if you give someone an inch, they will take a mile. This saying is true. The signs of abuse are present during courtship. They are not dealt with properly.
There are women taking care of the man and still being abused. So, to say that women stay because they can't adequately provide for themselves isn't always true.
Abusive tendendancies stick out like a sore thumbs. If your partner disrespects you in public verbally, he'll probably hit you behind closed doors or maybe in public. No village can save you if you aren't willing to try to save yourself.
Now, let's consider entrapment. Maybe there have been no signs during the courtship and out of know where there is a lick beside the head. Remember Rule#1. No one who is bigger than you or stronger than you can have an excuse good enough to hit a woman.
Wednesday, May 6th 2009 at 9:54PM
Jo Ann Brown
It's called Battled Wife (Woman) Syndrome... Battered wife syndrome is a recognised psychological condition to describe a woman who, because of constant and severe physical abuse by a male partner, becomes depressed and unable to take any independent action that would allow her to escape the abuse. The condition explains why abused women often do not seek assistance from others, fight their abuser, or leave the abusive situation.
Do you remember "The Burning Bed" movie the story of Francine Hughes: The Battered Woman Who Started It All? by TJSparrow
In 1977, 29 year old Francine Hughes unwittingly began the battle to bring the issue of Domestic Violence out of it's taboo state and into the forefront as an issue that woman have been suffering for hundreds of years. She killed her husband Mickey Hughes. While he was passed out from intoxication, she put her children in their car and went back to the bed that Mickey was sleeping in and poured gasoline around the bed and ignited it. Thus creating a precident in the issues of Domestic Violence and introducing us to The Battered Woman's Sydrome. Francine became the first woman to be found "Not Guilty By Temporary Insanity" for killing her husband. The plight of Francine and the 14 years of atrocious abuse that she suffered at the hands of Mickey Hughes was noted as one of the most moving cases in the fight for women's rights.
Her story {was} made into the movie and book "The Burning Bed". And she has become somewhat of a legend over the years, with even a song being written about her. The Ballad Of Francine Hughes { http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hP88K0F-CHs } : Francine suffered endless beatings for 14 years at the hands of her husband Mickey. She left school and begged her parents to let her marry him. Together they would have five children. Francine left Mickey and even divorced him, but the police, nor any authorities that she contacted and begged for help would do anything to stop the abuse from happening. Mickey still came and went in and out of Francine's life unbothered, beating her when she opposed. In a final act of desperation and survival, Francine murdered her husband and fled to the police station where she hysterically cried to police, "I did it, I did it!". She was immediately booked for charges of First Degree Murder. She spent 10 months in prison, fighting for justice. She was acquitted of the charges in trial and and found Guilty by reason of Temporary Insanity.
Saturday, May 9th 2009 at 9:19AM
Jen Fad
Jen thank you for sharing this horrific story. Unfortunatlely, domestic violence is as old as the Bible. Did you know that Sarah abused her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and caused her to flee into the wilderness? She was left to die there. Men and women are also perpetuators of domestic abuse. Here it is 2009 and the saga continues-when will we put and end to it?
Saturday, May 9th 2009 at 8:59PM
C. Joyce Farrar-Rosemon
