The ‘Man Card’ and Mental Health—Why Do Men Resist Help? (3267 hits)
It takes a really good man to stand up and be the change his wife, children, and brothers need. Will you be one of them?
Kristina Hammer
Living with mental illness is never easy for anyone.
It can be crippling and devastating—not only for yourself, but your loved ones as well. It seems as though women have a better handle on the stigma of diagnosis than men do. Maybe it is because women are born into the stereotype of being considered crazy just for our emotions, but men have a really hard time admitting to, finding help for, and opening up about their diagnoses.
My husband is one of them. While I never doubted nor denied that I was displaying symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD, he, on the other hand, will not accept the diagnosis he has of Addictive Personality, Explosive Anger Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder, let alone stick with treatment of such.
Something needs to change.
No one from the outside would ever realize my husband is struggling. Even he does not see it, most of the time. That is, until I bring his symptoms to his attention. They aren’t easy to spot when he’s not in a full blown episode because he has learned to compartmentalize all of his emotions. I couldn’t imagine having to live like that out of the fear of being ostracized. But he does.
He gets up every day on time, gets ready, and heads off to a job that breaks his bones and wanes on his nerves for twelve daunting hours.
He doesn’t make excuses to miss or drag his feet about it—even when he feels the weight of his illness mounting.
He carries himself with grace and humility—even when he is ready to implode inside his mind.
He is reliable and dependable, even when he is breaking under the weight of his mental illness.
No man should have to live like that.
Having a mental health diagnosis should not affect the way one sees himself. It should not define who they are as a person, no different than diabetes, cancer, or heart disease fail to define those who are inflicted. Yet, we have an entire population of men who still believe that mental illness makes you crazy. It revokes the man card, diminishing their masculinity into feminism, they think. Because only “woman are off their chain insane with emotional issues.” Never men.
The fact of the matter is, mental illness does not affect one’s gender traits nor will it take away from one’s display of character. It won’t make you a coward nor will it make you weak to embrace your diagnosis.
What is cowardly is hiding the truth from the world, putting up a front for the public only to tailspin into chaos at home, in private, does not make one any manlier. It does quite the opposite, actually. It shows that one is not at peace with himself. That he is unable to take responsibility over his well-being, ignoring what could possibly be holding him back from a truly enjoyable life. It is more heroic to face one’s mental health issues head on than it is to deny they exist.
The more men speak up, the less stigma will reign.
No one is perfect, after all. Maybe then my husband will follow suit and accept the flawed design in his own infrastructure and seek treatment for his needs. The bravest stance a man can take is honesty and there is no shame admitting you need a little help being the best you you can be. It takes a really good man at heart to stand up and be the change his brothers need.
