This quote is a gross mischaracterization of men, carelessly stroked with a very broad brush. The ill-famed sentiment it engenders gains much ground in the minds of many ladies whose experiences cause those words to resonate with them, like the clashing sound of cymbals struck with the intensity and rapidity of a seasoned rock drummer. Such unfortunate statements make no offer to heal these women. They only provide an opportunity to vent from frustrations that encourage the mistrust of men, at large, and not singularly those who have proven themselves disloyal, therefore unworthy of the very women they pursue.
All men are males, but all males are not men.
Character is a quality that very clearly distinguishes males from men. Integrity is a foundational character trait of manhood. Integrity is said to be “that which a man does when no one is watching.” “Male” is a general category distinction that includes both boys and men. All men are males, but all males are not men. Some are biologically adults, but functionally boys. Being male is purely biological. It is the natural state of being for every baby boy at birth. Boys only become men through proper development and not age alone.
Age is only a measurement in time that has no direct ability to encourage or otherwise influence manhood. Many foreign cultures lead boys into manhood through various ceremonial rites of passage. American pop culture inducts boys into a pseudo, neo-manhood steeped in the objectification of women and the dominance of other men deemed weak. Distinguishing boys from men is a necessary distinction to establish in order to engage in coherent and meaningful discourse that will offer beneficial insight on the subject of male/female relationships. “Men ain’t boys.” Too often, behavior that is attributed to men is more characteristic of boys. Boys have no place in a woman’s life other than as sons, certainly not as love interests. Below are two principles that separate the men from the boys:
Abstinence
I can probably guess what some of you are thinking. “A man will play the game long enough to get a woman in bed.” Wrong! A man’s goal is never to bed a woman. An authentic man does not compromise the honor of a woman to prove himself a man or for other self-indulgent gains. These are characteristics of boys and not men. When a woman tells a man that she will remain abstinent until she marries, this is not a deterrent. Men date with a much greater purpose in mind; marriage and family.
Exclusivity
“Boys play the field. Men cultivate it.” “A woman’s heart is not a playground to be handled carelessly.” Good men know this and are sensitive in their handling of a woman’s heart knowing that regular interactions alone in close proximity will cause her emotions to engage. Likewise, spreading themselves between multiple women jeopardizes women emotionally. It’s an act of selfishness, irresponsibility, and immaturity of a man’s part. Exclusivity establishes a woman’s place and importancein the mind of a man. She has no other woman to compete with for the place that is with him. That is hers alone.
Men that choose abstinence, honor God and the women they choose to love. Exclusivity, as well, is a sign that a man has honorable intentions, choosing to devote his time to learning one woman to determine their compatibility for marriage which is the purpose of a good man’s pursuit of a woman.
BMWK, Have you been dating a men or boys?
About the author
Derek Sanders wrote one article on this blog.
Derek Q. Sanders is the author of the newly released women’s guide to dating men, “Out-Dated: Rethinking How Men Date Women.” He is a certified life & relationship coach, blogger, public speaker, social commentator, and host of the BlogTalkRadio Show, “Writeous Talk on Love and Relationships.” Derek's mission is to foster strong healthy relationships by providing thought-provoking commentary that creates the atmosphere for dialogue that invites meaningful conversations between men and women to improve the quality of our relationships by finding and offering viable solutions.
