3 Big Reasons Why He Won’t Put A Ring On It. Is Dating Outdated? (344 hits)
BY: Aesha Roberts - 10 Sep '14 | Relationships Black and Married With Kids.com A Positive Image of Marriage & Family
Is it just me, or does it seem like no one wants to date anymore?
Flirtationships have replaced relationships. People are hanging out instead of going out, texting instead of calling and meeting up instead of courting. The definition of dating has definitely shifted and I’m on a mission to figure out why so I can help you enjoy the dating process again.
It’s hard to get him to put a ring on it if no one wants to put a label on it first!
There are three big reasons why I believe our society just doesn’t date anymore.
First, there doesn’t seem to be a modern day definition of dating that everyone can agree to.
There are no real rites of passage for courtship and no one saying when it should begin, what the stages look like and what the end game is.
For example, when I listen to the love stories of my parents who have been married for 37 years and my in-laws who just celebrated 44 years of marriage, I notice a HUGE difference between how couples met, how relationships began and how they progressed into marriage back then and how we go about it now.
Now you have men wanting to get exclusive by date three and therefore no longer feel the need to impress a woman, or even take her out of the house.
Or, you’ll have a couple who is hanging out for three months, and when the topic of commitment comes up, the man says, “Oh, I like you but I’m not looking for a relationship.”
I’ve also heard from both men and women who were unsure about their purpose for dating. Some women recently told me they don’t want to EVER get married for fear of losing their independence. They just want a man who will hold them at night and keep them company during the day.
While the first problem is about how we define dating, the second problem has to do with how we meet and connect.
Online dating has made us more connected than ever! Millions of singles turn to the internet to find love. However, just because there are a lot of folks online, doesn’t mean there’s a lot of dating going on.
We’re revealing more about our private lives to perfect strangers on the internet, but we also distrust people too! Many of my clients don’t want to go on blind dates anymore. They’d rather Google a person first. I can’t say I blame them, though. People lie on their profiles, send offensive emails and make snap judgments about each other based on a picture! Where’s the romance in that?!
We’ve lost touch with how to communicate in authentic ways that create attraction, build trust and foster respect.
No wonder people are giving up on love! Men and women both tell me they’d rather stay alone instead of wasting time and energy on the games people play. It’s just too much work, they say. Dating is outdated.
But there’s a greater problem that really scares me. By opting out of dating, you’ve given up your hope and your faith in love!
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe in walks in the park, ice cream dates, romantic dinners, giving gifts, writing poems and singing songs. I believe in going out of your way to get dressed up, make a connection and explore the possibilities of the future together. I believe in love.
After all, how can you build strong relationships and enduring marriages if you can’t even figure out how to get it started?
BMWK: Has dating gone out of style? What’s been your experience?
About the author
Aesha Roberts wrote 5 articles on this blog.
Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.
First of all romance and courting should never be replaced by modern technology, internet chatting, texting, etc.
Technology is a tool not the absolute means to the end.
What's is up with some of the people, get your hand out of the sand and get in the game???????????????????
You have to play to win to find your soul mate, who said it was going to be easy !!!!!!!
There are clear differences between casual dating and courting the right mate.
Personally everyone has innate moments when one get's tired of the dating scene and being in the game improves your odds of meeting your soul mate.
Once again persistency and consistency is the ticket.
Diversify your dating venues to achieve success, the club scene was getting tiring for me when I was single before I meet Janelle therefore I went to other interesting venues such as wine tasting and art exhibit formats with some real quality ladies and the conversations were refreshing and stimulating on many occasions.
However one needs to define what qualities and expectations you seek in a mate.
You have to go beyond physical appearance, spiritual connection is the target.
When I meet Janelle in Central Park jogging it was a almost supernatural attraction I had towards her, initially we had friction with our verbal flow however it turned very positive and extremely exhilarating .
Come on fella you know what I mean???
The conversation flows both ways with ease no pretension at all, completely natural !!!
So the "Young-In's" need to learn to stay in the game and learn to be patient.
Learn to tighten up your game, learn from being rejected from a women.
Ask yourself was your approach appropriate and what you could have done differently in that scenario.
Introspection and review will always sharpen your game because there is no real book for romance and love.
You have to 'play to win' but be fearless in the game, don't let set backs detour you from the prize.
When that special person comes along you will know it deep down inside almost like a benign birth pain.
Spiritually you will be moved to that person and will want to court that women.
Still you have to play the game of cat and mouse at times but it will not be the primary factor.
So date and court with fierceness and understand the difference between the two and stay-up on your game.
Keep your "convo" piece sharp and have diversified interests and activities, in other words be well-rounded and keep up with the latest trends and movements in the world.
Lastly I don't have to tell you about attraction secrets because that depends on the individual's taste and needs.
This is my experience in dating and courting and trust me it was well worth the time and effort for the successes and opportunities to succeed after a set-back.
Think Positive Always in the Dating/Courting Game !!!!!
Thursday, September 11th 2014 at 10:25PM
Yaiqab Saint
