Learn the science of getting over jealousy. by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
As Relationship Coaches, we know that jealousy can be a problem for many people. Whether it's a nagging feeling that is buried inside a person or it's very obvious acting out with anger or rage, jealousy is an issue that you simply have to deal with in order to have a healthy, happy relationship.
Because many people seem to live with these feelings, we wanted to give relationship advice that can help overcome jealousy and create great relationships.
Jealousy can show up in your life about other people's things, their success, their beauty, their money, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, or their education. It can, of course, show up intensely with a partner in many different ways and people of any socio-economic class can experience it.
Jealousy can be a small twinge in your stomach that nags at you every now and then or it can be an all-encompassing feeling that over-shadows everything in your relationship and destroys your life and your relationships.
If you are experiencing any of these ways that hold you back from having a relationship that you want, here are some ways to help you to heal jealousy in your life:
1. Find out whether you are making up untrue stories about what happens to trigger your jealousy. The stories you tell yourself may be completely fabricated from what happened in your past or there may be some truth to what you are telling yourself. Whatever the case, find out what's actually happening and what isn't.
2. Get in touch with what you are feeling. Stop what you are doing when those jealous feelings come up and just sit and allow them to surface without judging them. Whether there is any truth to what you are feeling or not, allow your feelings to be there. If you sit long enough with jealousy, you'll probably find that underneath is anger and/or fear. When you can address either anger or fear in your life, you will be on your way to healing.
3. Have the courage to address what's happening in your life. If there is truth to what you fear is happening, then formulate a plan to hit the problem with honesty. Quit guessing and have the courage to find out. If there isn't any truth to your fears, then bring yourself into the present moment each time those fears come up. Remind yourself that you are only making up untrue stories. If the actions that you fear are actually happening, then you may need to decide if want to continue in this situation if your partner refuses to change his/her behavior. If you know that you are making up stories that are untrue about what you are feeling, then you can decide to change what you believe.
What we've discovered is that jealousy is a wake-up call and call to action to begin taking charge of your life instead of letting life simply happen to you.
When it comes to jealousy, no matter how it shows up in your life, it doesn't go away until you deal with the issues straight on, make changes in your life and keep moving toward healing, no matter what.! You can't point your finger outward at others.! You have to be committed to changing yourself.
If you have this problem, know that many people, like you, have healed and eliminated it from their lives and so can you.
