4 Ways To Instill Courage, Persistence, and the Will to Achieve In Our Children (330 hits)
by Kara Stevens | on April 24th, 2013 | Black and Married With Kids.com A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
What I loved about being a classroom teacher was that I could teach beautiful brown girls and boys that looked like me some of the habits of success and life skills that served me well in my pursuit of love, happiness, and personal fulfillment. Earlier this week, as an administrator, I had to support the proctoring of some serious high-stakes State exams. And for some of these little brown children, it was their first big exam.
Many of the students complained, “This test is too long.” “This is too hard.” Some, all of sudden, needed to use the bathroom or drink water. And when their anxiety and frustration levels became too overwhelming, several shut down completely —chucking their test booklets and pencils onto the floor.
Seeing our children ill-equipped to handle this pressure coupled with the fact that their lives will be full of challenges and obstacles—the State exams just being one of them— I began thinking about simple strategies that we could do at home to educate and train our children to be courageous, persistent, and poised for personal success.
Help our children identity and express what brings them frustration
When it comes to completing assignments, tasks, or any other activities out of their comfort zones, some of our kids may make blanket statements like, “ I cannot do this.” It is our responsibility to dig a little deeper for clarity. Ask questions like, “ Well, what part of it is making you frustrated?” “Why don’t you walk me through the whole problem so we can see where you actually got stuck?” You may find that out of 10 steps, your child may understand steps 1-8, and gets stuck at Step 9. You may find that one word is marring comprehension.
Teach them self-regulating strategies that will help them persevere
World-class athletes, musicians, and leaders all rely on techniques and strategies to keep them calm and focused in the face of pressure and the need to perform. Allow them to explore techniques and strategies that get them in the “zone” and empower them to rely on them whenever they need. This may include deep breathing, meditation, humming the lyrics to a particularly meaningful song, stretching, or prayer.
Express how you handle difficult projects or assignments
Our children often keep their frustrations and challenges to themselves because they are afraid that they are the only ones experiencing it. As your children’s first role models, it is important that you give them a realistic take on what it is like to be an adult; challenges, fears, and frustrations just don’t go away after you turn twenty-one. Share the types of strategies that you use to overcome your obstacles. They will be relieved to know that their heroes have fears and have special ways to overcome them.
Read them literature that highlights and celebrates children that persist and endure in the face of self-doubt
One of my favorite children’s books is The Dot by Peter Reynolds. I read and reread this book to my third grade students because it shows how personal transformation comes from perseverance and community support. This book is also on my personal bookshelf, which I refer to when I feel like a failure or particularly discouraged. For older children, identity biographies and autobiographies of public figures that they respect. Biographies and autobiographies, by nature, inform and inspire readers because they tell how a person had to overcome both internal and external obstacles in order to succeed.
BMWK—How are you preparing your children to be courageous and persistent? What strategies and techniques do you use to keep yourself focused and calm when the pressure is on? Have you shared them with your little brown ones?
About the author
Kara is a motivational speaker, life coach, and founder of the personal finance and lifestyle blog FabulousNFrugal . Connect with her on Twitter: @fabandfrugal and join her Facebook
