DEAR ABIOLA: MY HUSBAND KEEPS CALLING ME THE "N-WORD" AND I HATE IT! (2562 hits)
Taken from Essence.com:
Dear Abiola,
My man keeps calling me a “n**** b****” during s*x and I hate it.
I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.
We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.
I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during s*x on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “n!&&#^ lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.
I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the n!&&#a/n!&&#^ differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”
Every time we try having s*x again, the slurs fly. Our s*x life is pretty much over right now because I pretend to be asleep every time my s*xy, handsome man wants to be with me. I feel completely turned off. I love my husband deeply so please don’t tell me to leave him because that’s not what I want to do.
My husband was my first interracial relationship. Please tell me racial slurs aren’t normal between interracial couples? I would like to figure this out before we have kids but I can’t afford to leave him and still maintain my lifestyle.
How can I regain my s*xual attraction for my husband?
Do you think that's what she gets for marrying a white man? Why or why not?
Monday, April 15th 2013 at 10:48AM
Siebra Muhammad
Peace My Sister! The letter was interesting to read but the sister appears ignorant. What I see in this letter is a weak black woman who met and married someone of a different race in hopes that their race is somehow "programmed" to give her what she needs emotionally. People treat you how you require them to. If your spouse is not living up to your standards then you should probably look at yourself first, try to figure out what indicators you are giving off that makes them think their actions (or inaction) are appropriate. Check yourself, and then check him.
I ENJOY ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE DISRESPECTED SO MUCH I CONTINUE TO RETURN FOR MORE ANDMORE OF IT. (NUP/ SMILE)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
