Disrespecting Ourselves If women expect to be taken seriously, then why do we treat others and ourselves in such trite ways?
by Amy Simpson
“Hey, girlfriends!” the speaker called out, in a tone usually reserved for the hallways of suburban middle schools. “Are you ready to have fun with just us girls tonight? Don’t forget to put on your bling. We’re going to play Dress Up!”
Seriously? I looked at the bright plastic ring and the bead necklace I had been handed as I’d walked through the door. No way was I putting on the childish costume jewelry. I looked around the room and saw some women giggling over their girlish trinkets, others staring at them with the same revulsion that my face must have shown. It was another “what planet am I on” moment.
Later in the evening, when a speaker had given a stirring presentation of her story, and God’s faithfulness through incredible hardship, the emcee stood up teary-eyed and apologized: “Sorry, my hormones are acting up.”
As I left the event, designed to encourage women in their spiritual growth, I felt tremendously discouraged by the way women so often speak publicly of themselves and each other. For people who claim to want more respect than we get, we sure don’t seem to respect ourselves.
I wince every time I hear a Christian speaker use the word estrogen. This isn’t because I have some weird aversion to a discussion of hormones, but because she’s usually using the word for a cheap laugh that summarily dismisses women as victims of this particular hormone that apparently makes us say and do things that shouldn’t be taken seriously.
When we summarize ourselves as mere containers for estrogen or any other hormone, or embrace the world’s derogatory terms for us, or dismiss our emotional expressions as symptoms of overactive hormones, we dismiss half the population—half the people God made in his image. We pretty much tell people we aren’t worth paying attention to. And we participate in the kind of base rejection that drives women to repression and self-loathing.
(As a side note, men also have estrogen, and women happen to have testosterone as well.)
It would not be okay for a Christian woman to write an article, song, or speech that straightforwardly insults men, dismissing them as simple vessels for testosterone, “pigs,” or “stallions.” Why is it considered acceptable for us to say these things about ourselves, and by extension, one another?
We call each other “girls” and “girlfriends” as if life were one big middle-school pajama party. We apologize for our emotions and blame them on our hormones. We talk about things like “mommy moments” and “estrogen explosions” in shame over our legitimate expressions of frustration that life isn’t always what we hope for. And we refer to our thyroids and our hips in ways that reflect deep shame over the womanly bodies God has given us.
It’s time for women to publicly value ourselves and one another, recognizing that God created us as we are and loves us deeply. Who among us would call Condoleezza Rice an estrogen-laced basket case? Was Marie Curie “just a girl”? How about Queen Elizabeth, Amy Carmichael, and Harriet Tubman? When we disrespect ourselves because we’re women, by association we devalue these women and their accomplishments. And we devalue the accomplishments of all the women we know: hard-working professionals, activists, counselors, mothers who make extraordinary sacrifices for their children, nurses on the night shift, soldiers, church leaders, the women next door.
This is one reason I’ve felt alienated from much mainstream Christian programming for women. While writers and speakers usually make some good points, I tune out when I sense a basic disrespect for women, and if they have an uplifting message for women, I never hear it. They dismiss themselves (and all other women) before they get started. Why should men listen? Why should the world listen? If we expect to be taken seriously, why do we disrespect ourselves?
Amy Simpson is managing editor of Kyria’s Marriage Partnership and ParentConnect e-newsletters, and managing editor of GiftedforLeadership.com. She is the author of Into the Word>. AmySimpsonOnline.com
You know I read this article and have to say that this lady is a little off base. I really don't see how calling someone girl or girlfriend or referring to 'hormones' as something disrespectful of myself or other women for that matter.
We are emotional beings and there are fluctuations in both the hormones testosterone and estrogen that cause us to act in certain ways at different times of the month. Moreover, from the Bible story of Eve, because of disobedience... women have to experience these 'pains', not because God wanted it that way. If He had His way, Adam & Eve would be the only people still in the Garden enjoying fellowship with the Father.
