Entry two: Can't get him out of my head (3088 hits)
(this is the guy. I jacked his pic off FB. Yeah, I could have picked a more flattering picture, but even with him making such a dopey face, he is still FINE! LOL)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: So, A few weeks ago I went to this invitation-only, VIP-only event that a celebrity was throwing to promote his new website. I knew it was gonna be a good night because for starters, I was with one of my homegirls with whom I ALWAYS have a great time. Second, I got a parking spot right in front of the venue; third, we were first in line and our names WERE on the list (as they should have been, since we RSVP'd, but you know how that stuff can be...) It was also unseasonably warm for early November so I didnt have to check my coat.
We go inside, and I must say that the club was NICE. Super clean, and modern. A really classy spot. Intimate, yet open enough to not feel like youre standing on top of people. So, I find out after attempting to pay the bartender that the bar was open all night. Im thinking, "Can this night get any better?" At that moment, I spy HIM. This guy who I assumed was working the event, because despite the "dress code" the invitation said would be strictly observed, he was wearing jeans and Nikes. He had his hair cut in an old school type fade that was all curly. I figured he was Hispanic, with his caramel colored skin and curly hair. I pegged him as an islander - maybe Dominican, or even Crucian.
Turns out, he was neither, but Im jumping ahead of myself. Let me backtrack.
Okay, so Im thinking this man is fine. A little on the short side, but Im only 5,3 and I was rocking 6-inch heels and he was still a tiny bit taller, so that works for me. I give him 5,9 or 5,10. Anyway, he was so good looking to me, that I was actually intimidated. I was afraid to talk to him. (Haha ha, just like in high school) So what did I do? The same thing I did in high school, got my girlfriend to speak to him for me!
I was anxious as hell for her to get back to the spot we had claimed near the bar, and as soon as she did, I was practically shouting, "Well, what'd you say? What'd he say? Tell me!!!!" She looked down at me (she's super tall) and said, "All I said was, when you come back this way, stop over here," and gestured to the area where we were standing. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Why hadnt she said something to the effect of, "My girl has the hots for you?" I guess that would be too elementary, but whatever, at least he'd know why he was summoned back over.
So fast forward three drinks and an hour later. We had forgotten about the "come back" request because the celeb host had shown up and the place got packed. We took pictures with said celeb and danced a bit before migrating over to a section where VIP tables hadnt been sold yet and sat down to chill.
Mind you, throughout the night, I had spotted cutie pie here and there, but he seemed busy and in addition to that, he was always with this chick. So, I was trying to figure out whether they were working together, or seeing each other. Their body language didnt convey anything romantic, but the fact that they were together all night made me apprehensive. I relayed my feelings to my girl and she said that there was only one way to find out, which would be to talk to him.
AGGHHHHHH I can't do that. No. no way. Okay, yes I could. I had been drinking some good stuff and I had LIQUID COURAGE flowing through my veins. I vowed that the next time I spotted that "Spanish Terrence Howard" cutie that I would say something.
It happened. I saw him near the elastic barrier cordoning off the tables from the rest of the party-goers. I was on one side and he was on the other. I think I was staring at him so hard that he felt it and turned to look in my direction. I didnt know what else to do, so I waved. He gave me the "come here" finger, so I approached. I stepped around the barrier and immediately spouted off two questions.
"You got a girl? Are you married?" To both, he replied, "No." I didnt really believe him, but I wanted to, so I grabbed his hand (ring finger of left hand to be exact) and said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "I know you dont know me, to know whether or not im a good guy, but I do not have a girlfriend or a wife. Im not that type of guy." (Or something like that. Forgive me, but i was inebriated, Okay??)
I smiled and said, ok. Anyway, I say, okay, then whats your number? And I hand him my phone. He said, "You're a go-getter arent you? You go after what you want?" I said, "Yup!" and then he puts in his first and last name, and even shoots me an email. I dont remember him doing all of this, but he must have because I noticed later that I responded to an email at 249 a.m. (the next day after I woke up.) The email was a one liner, but that was cool with me. We danced, exchanged a little more information, and I learned that he was not Hispanic, that he lived on the West Coast and that he was working the event as a film maker. I was like, cool! I love artists. And he's FINE! He was a good dancer and I liked that he was respectful. He wasnt drinking either, which was cool. Showed his professionalism.
We got separated for a bit, and when we linked back up, it was nearly time to go. So, I sat him down (I think. This part is foggy.) I was sad that he lived so far away and I said as much to him. He told me not to worry. That things had a way of working themselves out, and we'd see each other again. I felt encouraged by that, but I still doubted it, so I took the mint out of my mouth and put it in his. In hindsight he probably thought I was trying to tell him he had bad breath, which he didnt... I was just tired of eating that mint and I didnt have a napkin to place it in, so I put it in his mouth. I dunno why I did that. I blame the alcohol.
After that, I kissed him. I think like three times. Nothing lewd, or slutty. Just some pecks, but I managed to nick his bottom lip really fast. Im a nibbler/kisser. And then I said I was leaving. He said he was too, and that was that. Im sure I said some other stupid stuff, but I guess I didnt say anything too offensive because he did text me the next day. Just asked me how I was feeling and did I regret anything.
I told him I didnt regret kissing him if thats what he was referring to. And I only regretted missing some texts that he sent looking for me in the club.
After that, I didnt hear much. I was super disappointed. I texted him a few more times ensuring i waited a few days between. He responded, but not like someone who was trying to make any type of connection. I got a little pushy and texted him some more. Just little stuff like, "Hi. Have a good day." He replied to some, and not others. I wasnt used to no response. Im used to guys texting me and ME not responding. This was different and unsettling. I couldnt get him out of my head!!! I thought about him all the time. What in the world was happening? Its like I just had to get a response. I had to keep trying. Didnt he tell me I was hot? Didnt he say things would work out and he'd be in touch? Well, how long would that take? I knew it was against my better judgement, because I know how to play the game. Its just that, dammit! He wasnt playing it right.
Why?! Ugghhhhh... I know I pushed too hard, but I hate waiting, and I am a go-getter. I want it when I want it. But I know that isnt a good approach. I couldnt help it though. Anyway, I felt like he wasnt interested, but I had to know for sure, so I decided to wait a few days and then text him about the kiss. I knew that if he responded to that, then I still had some type of chance, but if he didnt respond that I should just delete his number.
So, I waited.... and then I texted him, and said something about wanting a follow-up on that kiss. Or something stupid about the kiss. And guess what? No response. So, I deleted his number. Dammit! I was actually excited about meeting him, because he was different and s*xy, but really down to earth like he didnt even know he looked like a freaking movie star with a better body than most. (SWOON)
He probably thinks Im an idiot, or some loon, but Im just impatient. That's all. He excited me, and I wanted to learn more about him. I was so curious. And I wanted him to learn about me. I didnt want anything more than that. But I blew it.
Im still not sure exactly why he was under my skin the way he was. Maybe because I havent been excited by anyone in a long time (drunk or no drunk) and I was hyped just meeting him. You know? Someone who can make me think of them later (after alcohol too!!!) was a big deal. I never give my number out in a club, especially to someone who lives a million miles away. But he was just DIFFERENT. What can I say? I just did not keep my cool.
Lesson learned. If he says he'll be in touch, let him be the one to make first contact. (I know that there's a possibility that he wouldnt have contacted me regardless of what I did. BUT... I know I messed up. So if there was a chance, I botched it. LOL Im super salty, but Ive survived worse.)
You like to live life on the wildside. I honestly admit that I like reading your blogs. Are you into writing for a living? You'd be good at short story writing.
LOL thank you. I do write for a living. LOL But my blogs are where Im able to let it all hang out, so to speak, and im not as strict with my grammar. The blogs are me sharing my life with the world. Im happy you like it.
Ive been copying and pasting the same entries here.
Tuesday, December 6th 2011 at 5:48PM
Shaahn Williams
I totally agree with Jen, Shaahn, you are a good storyteller, and you should definitely work on publicizing your blog more. This is an interesting occurrence, and brings back a awful lot of memories for me personally.
However, I don't think you did anything wrong. Listen, if a man is interested in you, you could fall down, stinking filthy drunk, and kiss his eyelids and his toes, if he's interested, he will find a way to keep in touch with you. That's pretty much how simple men are.
It's not that complicated. He wasn't interested at that time - for whatever reason. That is not to say that days, months, even years down the line he wont look you up and find out if maybe there was something more.
You did the right thing though, chalk it up as experience and keep it pushing; but don't blame you. That's the wrong thing to do. You were out, having fun, and like you said, liquid courage kicks in and to anyone with any shred of intellect, they would understand.
If I could, since we're on the topic, offer up my assessment as to why he's 'under your skin', I think it's because you sense that he rejected you, as opposed to you rejecting him - which you mentioned in your post. Rejection sucks - for anyone - male or female. Personally, I believe women have a more challenging time dealing with it than men do.
Men get rejected daily, and they operate in the law of averages. Women on the other hand, we see what we like, we go for it (some of us), put on our game face, and hope for the best. And, when the best doesn't come to fruition, well, we feel neglected. You go through all you went through and he snubs his nose and keeps moving; that hurts - on any level.
Again, my opinion, because I've been there. Your story could have been written by me - lol.
[This is an interesting occurrence, and brings back a awful lot of memories for me personally. However, I don't think you did anything wrong. Listen, if a man is interested in you, you could fall down, stinking filthy drunk, and kiss his eyelids and his toes, if he's interested, he will find a way to keep in touch with you. That's pretty much how simple men are. ... ]
I agree with you ... he may have gotten out of a serious relationship or perhaps he isn't interested in anyone for now. I remember being a brokenhearted single on the prowl with my girls; I met a really nice military guy from Fort Jackson Army base at Club Secrets in Columbia, S. C. who knew I had a little too, much to drink... he kissed me back when I kissed him first even took me to his room on the base. I recall him trying to make a move on me, but my heart wasn't in it because I was still broken hearted over my ex-college sweetheart... He didn't go any further... he even let me sleep over...
He called me several times but as I said ... my heart wasn't into someone. This might be what was going on with the guy Shaahn met.
I agree with you guys. He was touring with the artist that he was making the film about and I think he was just looking for someone to talk to while on the long bus rides, because when he got back home is when he stopped texting. He was super cute. Thats really why i was into him! BWAHAHHAAAAAA
Hate it when the fine ones dont bite!
Wednesday, December 7th 2011 at 10:38AM
Shaahn Williams
@ Shaahn,
[Hate it when the fine ones dont bite!]
You win some... you lose some in the game of life. I like to move it move it and I know you're gonna keep it moving!
men are so hard too understand, I think if we acted more casual in relationships then we would not wonder why they do senseless **** like not tell the truth about whatever their situations you probably lucky he did not call back seem like he got a hidden agenda girl he may of had fleas omg!
Monday, December 12th 2011 at 8:49PM
Dawn Feagin
@Dawn, I totally agree with you. And your post sparks within me, an interesting (dare I say it Shaahn - debate) about whether or not we, women, have something to do (in some ways) with men lying.
Let's keep this in perspective. I am not saying we should excuse away the lies of men who do so to get and keep what they want. However, we are the recipients of their fools gold, and life is about cause and effect - sooooo, what effect do we have on 'the opposite s*x' that could possibly cause them to manipulate, deceive, and basically Blagojevich their way into our hearts, minds, body and soul?
Something to make you go, 'hmmmmm'...
Monday, December 12th 2011 at 10:21PM
Tashana Sims Hudspeth
Hey Dawn
Some guys are simply immature liars, and wont change, but for a miracle. Others, i dunno, maybe they werent raised right. But there are some food ones out there. And youre right, we need to establish a friendship before anything, cuz after the rose-colored glasses come off, you have to deal with the real, and only a true friend would put up with all that! LOL
Tashana,
There is nothing that we do to make someone manipulative. They either are or they arent that way before you even meet them. Now, do some men lie to keep you around? Yes. Women do too. But thats all immaturity to me. A real grown man wouldnt be as foolish as that.
Wednesday, December 14th 2011 at 12:20AM
Shaahn Williams
BTW, new blog coming soon.
Wednesday, December 14th 2011 at 12:20AM
Shaahn Williams
Ladies there is no one special reason for why men lie...they do it because they know they can. It's just that simple to me.
Wednesday, December 14th 2011 at 10:17AM
Jen Fad
Ladies there is no one special reason for why men lie...but in my mind if I could take a educated guess, it's because of SELFISHNESS and thinking of themselves and what interests "numero uno". As women, we order our lives around our families (men and children) because we are usually selfless and the givers... men expect for us to order our lives around them and their schedules because they are takers. All a man needs most times to lie is the OPPORTUNITY because they have an opportunistic nature. If we stopped thinking like women for a moment, we'd know that what I'm saying is reasonable. Men don't sit around on blogs trying to figure out things like this. What they do sit around trying to figure out is how to get laid.
I don't know ladies, I think it goes a lot deeper than just men being selfish, self serving and manipulative (and again we aren't talking about all men - at least I hope not - lol).
Life is about cause and effect. Everything we do has some effect on someone else. When men lie, we are the recipients of those lies, and whether we want to believe this or not, we often know when they're lying and we do nothing.
I think Jen said it best, men lie because they 'can'. Women allow men to do some of the things they do for our own selfish reasons.
Case in point, a woman who stays with a man that cheats, stays for a sundry of reasons. Maybe she doesn't want to be alone. Maybe the s*x is off the charts and we all know how few and far between those experiences are. Or just maybe she can't imagine going through the whole dating thing again, so she deals with the demon she knows.
Whatever the reason, she has just 'accepted' that man's behavior and can no longer blame him for being who she is 'allowing' him to be. This type of behavioral inaction starts so early in a woman's life that we are often oblivious to it.
Maybe it starts from the moment that little boy in our kindergarten class pulls our hair and we run off and tell the teacher, who does nothing; and we continue to allow him to do it, and we continue to run off into the arms of someone else until 'they', not 'we' do something about it. We never stand up and say, 'STOP IT. DON'T PULL MY HAIR. IT HURTS." We never held that little boy accountable for his actions, so we passively sat back and waited for someone else to do what we should have been doing all along.
Me, on the other hand, I used to beat up little boys who thought they could put their hands on me - lol. My father always said I'd grow up and beat up my husband - and sho'nuff, me and my ex had our share of knock down drag outs - but that's another story for another blog.
My point is, men do to us (like Jen stated) what we ALLOW them to do, so we have got to accept some accountability in there somewhere.
I so wish more men would weigh in here, because we can't have this type of dialogue alone. Where is Michael Baisden when you need him - lol.
Wednesday, December 14th 2011 at 12:33PM
Tashana Sims Hudspeth
@ Tashana,
((Lol)) I grew up in the country so I would fight boys, too! I can't say that I won those fights, but I tried to hang in with the best of them! When I got born again, that old nature didn't just go away when I accepted Christ either! I had to apply faith along with works to die to my flesh in that area (wanting to fight my husband). What!
On a serious note though, what I've noticed about any men is that they aren't led by their emotions as we are; furthermore, they (men) tend to approach life like a job opportunity weighing the pros against the cons to see how it benefits their bottom line. They want whatever they do to benefit them first and they somehow market it to us later to show why it also benefits the entire family. Ha!!
Although you don't necessarily think its selfishness that drives them to lie, I would beg to disagree respectfully. If lying didn't benefit them, they would tell the truth. Men live by the code of "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" whereas we as women tell the truth because we don't mind hurting ourselves. That's my take. Of course there are exceptions, but most men are wired this way.
@Jen, great insight, and to some degree I concur. What I've come to realize is that women are not totally free from their part in all of this. That's all I'm saying.
Let's face it, we are born into sin, which means we are born lying and we learn, over the years, how to tell the truth. Think about it, when you were younger, your natural inclination when you were about to get into trouble was to self protect and do whatever you could to get out of that whoppin you knew was right around the corner. No one had to tell you as a child to do the wrong thing, you did it naturally. But they did have to tell you the right way to do things.
Nobody has to tell you to lie. I would venture to say that lying is more natural than is telling the truth. Look at Adam and Eve, they lied their first time out and look what it got them. So, how are we any different.
And I have to respectfully disagree with you about most women telling the truth, because the concept of truth is a tad bit skewed when we put our hands on it. Sure there are a lot of loyal women out there who don't conduct themselves in the same way that men do, but we are not exempt from those natural incantations either.
Think about this, how many times (and maybe not now) have you praised a man for pleasing you in that way, knowing good and well you could have done a better, more effective job yourself. We are ego salvagers when it comes to the male psyche, and I think that is just as natural. My opinion.
Saying that women are more prone to tell the truth totally negates the fact that we are born actually not telling the truth - lol...quite humorous when you think about it.
I think Im so opposite from most women, or maybe opposites attract because in all my relationships my men have complained that I am not emptional, and that Im distant. They are the ones who are emotional. They are the ones wanting more from me. They are the ones remembering anniversaries and birthdays! LOL Its funny. But I attract sensitive guys probably because I need to learn to be more emotionally receptive. Im working on that.
Sunday, December 18th 2011 at 11:26PM
Shaahn Williams
@ Tashana,
I think that's a good point you've made~Ha! Truth is a relative thing depending on who's truth it is, eh? I've told a many "little white lies" as a youngster to keep from getting those switchings on the legs. Things are a bit skewed as you stated when it comes to the unrenewed nature before it lines up with the Spirit of Truth. Thank God for the power of the Blood and forgiveness.
@ Shaahn, [ ...in all my relationships my men have complained that I am not emptional,...]
Not meaning to be personal or trying to pry, but have you always been like that... numb in the emotion's department? Sometimes traumatic espericences cause numbness as a protective mechanism. I was what I call numb after 9/11 until I discovered that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Panic Disorder. I'm better ... alot better after therapy and short term medication. My doctor told me that having a prior trauma ( been molested as a child) predisposed me PTSD. Were you in any combat in the Marines or had any personal traumas?
Hi Jen, Sorry, but I am just now seeing this. As a child, I didnt get a lot of affection, so i built up a very thick outer shell, and pushed out all negativity. I am working on being more vulnerable, but when your affection is not reciprocated by your parents, it kinda messes you up.
Monday, January 2nd 2012 at 6:49PM
Shaahn Williams
I can't believe you put a mint in his mouth. I would have died if someone would have done that to me. However, I like that you are straight forward. Oh well his loss.
Thursday, January 5th 2012 at 12:31PM
Bella Dona
I loved this blog. And I agree its hard to understand the crap guys do despite their simplicity..lol. But you did the right thing and went for what you liked. I freeze up and oh so very intimidated when a guy is Soo fine..lol. But please do tell us if he contacts you, I'm curious to know. Once again great blog. Thanks for sharing.
Sunday, March 4th 2012 at 5:13PM
Hoda Sulub
