Stand by your cheating man or kick him to the curb? It's not a decision any woman wants to make, but many have after their philandering mates were caught. Sure, Elin Nordegren left Tiger Woods. And Sandra Bullock left Jesse James. But not every woman chooses to move on. This Lifescript exclusive digs deep to discover why so many women choose to stick it out. Plus, will your guy cheat?
They all do it: celebrities, politicians, even the hubby next door. Sure, the names of the cheaters change: Think Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, Mark Sanford. But the story's the same: Husband cheats, gets caught. Wife grimaces, then bears it. In fact, up to 75% of couples rocked by an affair stay together, according to research by Peggy Vaughan, author of Preventing Affairs: You Can Have a Monogamous Marriage, But Not by Just Assuming You're Immune (Dialog Press). That so many wronged spouses managed to turn the other cheek is admirable to some. But you can’t help wondering: Why didn’t they push their wandering mates out the door?
Women are more afraid of going solo than men are, she says. "That comes from believing that they need a man to take care of them. Even though we've come a long way, many messages still tell us that." Lifescript talked to women and experts to find out why beleaguered wives choose to stand by their men. Here’s what they told us:
1. She doesn’t want to be alone.
When your husband takes up with a prettier, shapelier – perhaps even younger – woman, it doesn’t inspire confidence that you still got it goin’ on. ...
...Consider Hillary Clinton, who stiff-upper-lipped it through Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, and Monica Lewinsky because she had her own political aspirations: “She must have thought, It’s better to stay married because if I divorce, I’ll still have this albatross around my neck and I might not get what I want at the end,” says sex and relationship therapist Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D., director of the Buehler Institute in Irvine, Calif.
This devil’s bargain can pay off, if you make it with eyes open and a clear head. It doesn’t work “when we stay out of fear or low self-esteem because that causes suffering,” Mackler says. When does it work? If there are benefits to staying and you feel good about them, she says. “Then who cares?” ...
Most women stay with men who cheat because they have low self esteem and/or have an image to maintain...they buy into society's beliefs that they will be looked down as being less of a person if they don't have a husband/mate by their side and that is not what it's all about. This is why it is important for women to do as Jamie Crawford said in the Zora Neal Hurston book "Their Eyes Were Watching God"...they got to go to God, and they got to learn about living for THEMSELVES!!!
Saturday, November 12th 2011 at 5:44PM
It must be love and deep commitment. They continue even when there's infidelity and will remain until they feel it's really time to let go. Relationships are testy in love.
I dealth with a few low-esteem females in the past. Wow... they concerned me alot. I need to feel safe around a female before I commit to her. As Siebra stated learn to love yourself and resolve your emotional problems before engaging in a relationship with a man.
Saturday, November 12th 2011 at 10:51PM
Thanks for the comments to this blog.
@ Sister Siebra,
Of course having a low self esteem may contribute to why some women stay with men who cheat, but what about men with lots of moulah? Some women have staked out their own agenda for themselves and may not have anything to do with low self esteem. In Clinton's case when former President Clinton cheated... she had her own agenda and by far she isn't a woman with low self esteem at all.
R/ships can be testy... eh! Hey I was watching a clip that I'd like to share with you guys from Niecy Nash... Have the best Break Up Ever. It's a far out of the box way of thinking about leaving someone when the r/ship isn't working but hey... its interesting. Let me know what you think. http://screen.yahoo.com/how-to-breakup-27161980.html