Anyone who's married can tell you that getting through the marriage ceremony is easy. Staying happily married? That's a different story.
(BlackDoctor.org) -- Anyone who's married can tell you that getting through the marriage ceremony is easy. Staying happily married? That's a different story. What can you do to help maintain the health of your marriage? Here are six common mistakes that can potentially hurt marriages. Whether it's you or your spouse making these mistakes, taking positive action can make a big difference.
1. Being too accommodating.
Some wives are too willing to give up on what they want, says Susan Heitler, PhD, a Denver-based clinical psychologist and author of www.poweroftwo.org, a marriage skills-building course. Heitler calls it "appendage-itis," in which the wife is basically being an accessory to the husband, instead of being a full and equal partner in the marriage. Some women tend to be "all about him" rather than all about themselves, as men tend to be, Heitler says.
"Usually, they're afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want," she says. The sense of helplessness leads to anger that eventually boils over, she says.
Her solution? Express your concerns rationally, whether about housework or parenting duties, or about not getting enough time with your husband or for yourself. He may like golfing on weekends while she may want him around for family time, for example. "If she spoke up, they might be able to work out a better arrangement," Heitler says. "Maybe they'd switch to a softball league in the summer where it would be a family event.''
