Friends with Benefits (203 hits)

Whether you need to someone to help you move furniture at 2 p.m. or move the earth at 2 a.m., it’s good to have a friend you can call on. Friends with benefits - those benefits being s*x with no strings attached - is the theme of two new movies (one coming out this weekend) and will no doubt be high on the media’s list of hot topics. So, let’s get it started right here. Do you have a friend (or friends) with benefits? And if so, have you considered the detriments that could be associated with the relationship? Probably not, because things are so cool … for now.

A friend with benefits is one of those things that is great in theory, but like most things that sound too good to be true, when it works, it works really well, but it can also go really wrong. Even a relationship that is “non-committal” comes with guidelines that, in a sense, require a commitment. You both are committing to not getting jealous, not getting possessive, not getting too freaky (not everyone’s rule) and not falling in love.


But s*xologist Dr. Rachel Ross gives us a lot more to consider before entering the FWB zone. She says the commitment we think we aren’t making goes even deeper than most of us understand. ... “What we forget is that s*x changes your brain chemistry," she says. "When you orgasm with another person, oxytocin levels go up, which increases your feelings of attachment.” Dr. Rachel goes on to say, “If the man ejaculates inside the woman, his sperm has a fine-tuned mix of hormones in it which not only makes her feel closer to him, but will make her see him differently too. Imagine what happens to your brain if this happens over and over again.”

You had no idea all this was going on, right? Me neither. But what about the guy? What does he feel? “Most men have so many other options," Dr. Rachel says, "that once they have dropped you into that friends-with-benefits category, sadly, that's where you will always stay.” So, like most relationships, friends with benefits is rarely 50/50. “Most men won't want to make you their girlfriend, wife or ever want to go back to just being cool," the good doctor says. "He wants to have it all!” Or course, there are always exceptions to the rule. Dr. Rachel says some women can separate their feelings of attachment from a guy, but that usually doesn’t happen until later in life.


In other words, there’s some fine print on the FWB contract that most of us will never read, and may choose not to believe even if we do. We think we have way more control of our minds and hearts than we actually have. But in the end, even though it can be frustrating, waiting for someone who is willing to make the effort to be monogamous may be best. As cute as it comes off in a movie script, Dr. Rachel says, s*x is not something that should be taken lightly. She says the only time women can really follow the FWB rules is when there’s no chance of it turning into anything more. If both people are in real relationships with other people, for instance, the boundaries are pretty clear.


If not, though, for most of us women, fantasy will over take reality. “One person will end up in a completely different place mentally,” says Dr. .....

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Posted By: Jen Fad
Thursday, February 3rd 2011 at 3:29PM
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