Successful Co-Parenting: Here are some tips to make co-parenting easier for you and your kids. (317 hits)
Don't bad-mouth your ex. Children don't want to hear bad things about either of their parents, and they especially do not want to take sides. No purpose is served in criticizing the other parent to your children.
Don't use your children as spies. Children should be given the freedom to enjoy each parent without hindrance or fear of being cross-examined. Children become angry when asked to spy and can easily withdraw from both parents. If you are not sure whether you are using your children as spies, then ask them. You may be blind to what you are doing and so preoccupied with your hurt that you cannot see what is happening. They'll tell you!
Don't use your children to carry messages. There is usually a period of time following divorce when one parent is afraid to encounter the other, either for fear of letting out feelings of bitterness or for fear of what the ex-spouse will do or say. Under these conditions, a parent may become cowardly and hide behind the children. "Tell your father he hasn't sent the check yet," or "Ask your mother if you can go fishing with me next week." These messages place your child in an uncomfortable position. In Roman days, messengers who brought bad news lost their heads, just like children do (figuratively) today.
The child will usually come to resent both parents for having to carry messages. To avoid alienating your children, do your own dirty work! Be courageous and assertive. Speak directly to your former wife or husband. Give your child permission to love the other parent. As parents, we are not always completely honest with ourselves, and we don't always know what messages we are sending our children. It is safer, therefore, to be explicit in this area. Tell your child specifically that it is OK to love his or her father or mother...
