My first memory of witnessing the cries of my Mother was at the age of 5. We were in a hotel room with the lights off and the television on. My Sister was 2 1/2 years of age and my Brother was 7months old. My Mother was in search of a husband/father who had abandoned us for his music career and to travel on the road. I became a Man, a Counselor, Protector (The first fight I had with a man was at the age of 14 to keep him away from my sister), the glue and a hope to my mother, younger sister and brother at that precise moment in time. I promised my mother that all would be well and that I would take care of my family. I failed. I was too young, vulnerable, and not mentally mature enough to battle all the demons attacking my immediate family. I was helpless. My mother went on to develop Mental illness that affect her to this day and thus has destroyed normal relations with us. I became the brunt of her anger and abuse due to being the oldest. I (along with my brother and sister) went on to live a life in and out of foster homes, family and associates, between the ages of 5-17. All those places were cruel with the exception of the short while we lived with our grandfather who died. After our Grandfathers passing away (The first Man I have ever personally known) our step grandmother showed who she truly was and kicked myself out first and then my sister. Family, society, programs and school failed us. The source started with my father who is estranged to me unto this day. My mother chooses to be estranged from us living on Mental Health Assistance. I believe the relations with my immediate sister and brother are hindered, due to them faulting me in their subconscious for what I could not do on my own. I have let go of this guilt within myself. Today I am a Man who has lived the life of the movies "Antoine Fisher" and "Good Will Hunting". I understand now that "God" has placed me with a father, mother, family and situation I neither asked nor had a choice in. I speak out to help spread light not darkness. I seek no revenge but spread the knowledge of what "God" has designed me for. I did not ask for my environment it was placed on me. I do not forsake or betray. I was betrayed and forsaken. If I do not speak out then I am part of the problem. I speak not against but for/with the billions of adolescents and adults that share my experiences that many cannot or do not understand or relate to. I have been blessed to rise above all as you have and will also. The character typical of my father (the absent man/father/husband) is evident in other men in my family. This character typifies the absent father/man/husband in the world. Males that is absent physically, emotionally, mentally and financially from his family and his responsibilities. This opens the Pandora Box for families to be destroyed by the person meant to protect us initially, the man. I have witnessed the tears of so many women who are frustrated and hurt, mostly because of unwarranted struggles caused by the absent man/husband/father. The emotions come from a place where there has been emotional and/or physical abuse, and because they struggle in innumerable ways and situations. I have been blessed to relate to you and I do feel for you. My life has been developed to Counsel. This is my field through not just book knowledge, but the most important sources of all; that is "God" and personal hands on experiences. This calling and intrigue with the field of Counseling is also my own quest to be a Man, Father and Husband. I will succeed. The personal and indirect experiences in and with my life have developed a passion within myself to understand relationships between Men and Women and the affects on children. Understanding our roles will help to sustain a relationship from courtship through marriage. Did you know that boyfriend and girlfriend are never mentioned in the Bible??? Remember the power of the tongue. It brings to light Blessings and Curses. The very words of boyfriend and girlfriend labels you less than what you are as men and women. The Bible only states courtship and then marriage, never youthful terms that from the very beginning devalues what and what you are and also handicaps the expectations of growing in relationships. Just think about it. I have been blessed to gain vast wisdom and insight from working in the Mental Health Field. I have worked with numerous adolescents and adults coupled with the relations and experiences of my Mother and Father. This wisdom has led me to the conclusion that the only source or solution if read, studied, applied, maintained and believed is "Gods" word and "His" Bible. There are many illustrations in the Bible that directs firstly "How Men Should Treat Women". Understanding and applying these spiritual premises can only repair what has become one of the greatest threats to family life in this world, the absent Man, Husband and Father. I place these titles in the order that males need to be i.e. Man of "God", Husband to his own wife and then a Father. Many of us do not know these roles that destroy relations/families due to confusion for men and women. The Man is commanded in Ephesians 5:25-33 that he should be willing to do all he can to Love his wife and be willing to die for her if need be as "Christ" died for the Church. The man is commanded to Love the woman as he loves himself. When we talk about Love we do not talk about being one-sided as in all she is supposed to do for me. This Scripture means that as is expected of her, I am the lead because the Love emanates from me. This scripture never states for the woman to Love me, but for me to Love her (the woman/wife). We "Love "God" because we were loved first by "God". This Scripture states that she (the woman) will have (Not should have) Reverence for Me (the male) if I (the male) am doing my job of Loving her with every being of my body and soul. Remember Love is 1 Corinthians 13: verses 4 through the first part of verse 8. If I am doing all I can in Loving that woman, she is going to give back what I am but only enhanced. This is a reciprocal relationship, the primary example of give and take. There are many preachers that teach wrongful doctrine mostly unfair to the Woman. The Woman is expected to take all the abuse from the man and to keep praying for what He (the man) is not doing for himself. It is a travesty for women to be taught all their lives from society to ignore the common sense (from the top of the food chain to animals) that "God" gave them in reference to Men. I know/do not believe that "God" would want anyone to stay in abusive relationships especially if the man is cheating, physically or worse mentally abusive, a alcoholic, not taking care of home, on drugs or any combination of all the above. Even the Slaves of the Bible such as the Israelites of Genesis 3:7-9 had pity, sympathy and Love by a "God" grieved with their negative plights. "God" gave more understanding then many religious leaders teach and give to woman in bad/abusive relationships. By the way I do not believe in Religion which is strict and by the law as the Pharisees and the Sadducees of the New Testament. The law condemns and keeps you locked into (Religion), Spirituality Loves, Understands, Comforts, Relieves, Sympathizes, etc. These wrongs are in the same context as Adultery. Many Religious leaders mean well but speak wrongfully in which I have heard and do know with my own ears. This kind of doctrine is what damages the minds of many women that hold on past the point of what is healthy for the Mental Psyche. This is what happened to my mother driven by a society (Especially the Church) to stick with your husband no matter what.
My mother was a Beauty queen with a model figure. My mother won state typing contests and had a 3.6 grade point average into her junior year at Florida A&M University. My mother still has the figure that many young women wished that they had and she (my mother) is almost 60. I can go on and on with her(my mothers) accomplishments but to make a long story short, she(my mother) gave up all to the expectations of society to follow a man that was not worth the tissue paper that dried her tears. If the woman were committing the same offenses against a man, in many cases he would be encouraged to seek a divorce. Did you (Men) know that not being romantic is a negative against the husband? If you do not believe me then read 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5. The Bible says do not defraud your wife. There are too many Men who do not do what they are supposed to do. The Woman is taken for granted after she has been won over. The woman deserves more than just one Mothers day (whether you have children or not) and an Anniversary. The WOMANS DAY SHOULD BE EVERY DAY. When your child or children have a birthday, it should be the person’s day also who carried that child in her body for 9 months. Her (the woman’s) life/body was on the line. Carry her (the woman out for a celebration as soon as she has (the woman) has medical clearance from her (the woman) Doctor after giving birth; instead being expected to stay home, take care of the child and listen to you (the man) vent about such things as i.e. weight, dinner, cleaning etc. while you (the man) are not in shape etc. I can go on and on because of the broadness of this most important subject area. I can only put so much into the confines of this article. There are many Women in fairness with faults also, that I will have to write about in another article. I however chose to write where the problems originated from, Adam and thus Man. Adam is the first case where Men started blaming women and not being man or mature enough to take the blame. Never did Adam admit to any wrong as He was being kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Adam hid behind a fig leaf that we as Men use today (Excuses) to do what we want to do with encouragement from society. A good book to read is called "Fire In The Belly", written by Sam Keen. The book examines Men and states for example that 99.9% of Men are boys. This is due to the fact that most of what we do as men is centered to get the woman. We as men have been raised this way by many of the men and women in our lives. Thus we as men are limited in many other important areas due to our focus on getting the woman. We as men are not willing to outgrow the shells that limit/handicap us (Men). This maturity handicap has bee due to areas such as other men, women, society, religion etc. "Fire In The Belly" is a deep book that I highly suggest Men and Women study. A whole knew world of understanding will be opened up to you. I was given this book by my Minister back home in Florida in my quest to learn. It was revolutionary for me second only to the Bible. In closing the Bible never means for women to follow us (Men) at all costs or that we always have the final say so. Who wants to be enslaved? That is not how we as men desire to be treated so why expect that from and to her (the woman). Remember "God" expect people to treat others as to how they desire to be treated themselves. Relationships are a duality (50/50) based over the long-term not short term. My father was blind to the fact that to have children are a blessing from “God” to aide him in the quest for his dreams and goals. My father did not realize that children are the closest and most recent creation from “God”, through the mixing of the seed from the father and the womb of the woman. This is a common miracle and blessing of the “Lord”, directly into the womb of the woman. This is the miracle of Psalm 139:13-18. This scripture reads: For thou hast possessed thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth very well. My frame was not hid from thee when I (place your name) was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my form, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me (place your name), O “God”! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I (place your name) awake, I (place your name) am still with thee. In a revelation to me, this is one of the strongest sure spiritual condemnations against abortion or pro-choice rights. Take heed world and President Bush. This direct quote to those that claim to be Christian states that as soon as there is conception, there is life. To destroy that life is murder, thus sin. In cases of rape, molestation and in another gray area life threatening circumstances, I believe “God” compensates. I know this is a touchy area, I also believe that giving the government control over this major and very important issue, is giving to much control over an individual decision. Remember, “God” is the final judge and we are supposed to obey the laws of the land. Wow, I am really opening up a can of words here! I can say much more over these issues but I can use these issues in another book.
