D. Gisele Isaac W e've all been brought up on the ideal that Christmas is for family, and the more family at this blessed season, well, all the better. And so we women labour to make things picture-perfect, just like we've seen in the storybooks and on TV: the house clean and nicely decorated; the food special and plentiful; and everybody in the festive spirit of love and good cheer. Yeah, right! Christmas, like nearly every other holiday and occasion for family get-togethers, is rife with strife, wracked with tension, and just waiting for someone to look at someone else funny. It's just the way things are and the expectation of peace on earth, goodwill to men is what Bob Marley would call "an illusion to be pursued but never attained."Please, don't call me Scrooge or Kill-Joy. I am just warning you based on experience.
know who told us (probably our mothers, and their mothers before them) that men want things to be cleaned out, cleared out and thrown out; but they don't. You won't see a feller with a long broom trying to reach that last strand of cobweb billowing between the rafters, nor straining himself turning over a mattress, nor taking down stuff that is not bothering anybody from the top of the cupboard. No. … Is only women stupid so. Believe me, men think the place looks nice just the way it is. They tol d me so. In fact, to quote one of my friends: "The worst things you can put together are 'woman' and 'house.' The stress never ends." And we delude ourselves into thinking we're doing it for them; that when their buddies come over, they'll look round admiringly and our men will be proud of the home we've made for them. Sisters, their friends don't care either. All they want to know is where the Cavalier and salt ham are. … The problem begins with men being from Mars and women coming down the pike from Venus. I=2 I don't Now I once read a book by Maeve inchy in which the principal character was a real homemaker. She was the type of woman who always had something in the oven (literally; I don't mean she was constantly pregnant); whose kids could always have their friends over; and whose friends and family were always welcome to drop in. Everybody adored her and loved being at her house. Then her husband found himself a girlfriend and left. Nobody could understand it. After all, the wife was doing everything good girls are taught to do in order to keep a house. The thing is that no house can keep a man. The husband's reason for leaving was that his wife was always taken up with something or someone else; that the house always smelled of cooking; and that the place was so full of "life" he couldn't find a moment's peace and quiet for himself. See, if a man's home is his castle, then he needs to feel like a king – not a jester – in it. So, sisters, we might need to check ourselves a little in this season and, maybe, out of season, too. We need to ask ourselves what is best for our own unit; what our own nuclear family likes and wants. And we need to find a way to make a compromise so that Christmas is jolly for the most important people. (Hint: Not the visitors) Just the other night, planning a party with some friends, we were discussing the fine art of entertaining. I opted for paper and plastic, the easy disposables. I was looking at the time it would take to get that stuff out of the cabinet, washed and polished and into use, only to go through the whole ritual again, this time in reverse. I thought of the time the clean-up would take away from the chatting and laughing and being with the very people I was doing it for. I thought of the annoyance I would feel if someone broke my good plates or spilled wine on my good tablecloth. And, somehow, I don't think my responses to either would be very "Christ-filled." Meanwhile another sister said that Christmas deserved china and silver and washing, drying and putting away were no problem to her. See, there is no right or wrong thing to do; it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. And that's my message to you, Sisters, this holiday season. There's no Christmas "standard" you have to meet. You don't have to have new anything. The Christmas police aren't going to lock you up if you and your feller lie down all day in pajamas watching TV and eating cereal when you feel peckish. Being naughty can be nice.
So don't lose your Christmas spirit or take to spirits just because the man promised, again, to paint the kitchen and, again, did not. Yes, you're vexed, but it certainly isn't the end of the world. Don't not enjoy Christmas dinner because your sister served the meal buffet style on Styrofoam plates. Think of the work she put into the meal and not what she put the meal on. And, please, don't work the man to the point of being exhausted and unsociable on Christmas Day. A Truly, I wouldn't know that those are the same curtains from last year, and, unless you pointed it out, I wouldn't be able to tell that your once-white walls are now dressed up in "eggshell." And your stemware is glass, not crystal? Well, all I want to know is that they don't leak. … Lighten up, Sisters, and ease up on your men, too. After all, the reason for the season began in a stable and nowhere in Scripture does it mention the decorations, the menu, or the ambiance. Maybe it's time we got back to basics, as well.
