When did Black men stop honoring, cherishing and respecting Black Women or did I marry the wrong man?

Marlene,

You make a good point, I don't know why our african american males are not honoring our women like they should. I think it has a lot to do with their self esteem . They want to be commited in one part of their lives, then when they hit, as they say, 'middle age crisis' they tend to go 'astray', but I know that their are many other factors out there as well , and the enemy does have a way of getting to the people that are close to us.

Just wanted to add my two cents!

..."Why does it seem that Black men have a hard time, HONORING, CHERISHING & RESPECTING black women..."

Marlene, I feel your pain sistah but the truth of the matter is although it appears that all black men fall in this catagory...this would be further from the truth.

Everything falls back to home training received as a child from parents. I have and continue to meet black brothers who are responsible for not only themselves, but their own families.

It's just sad that we don't see more of the positive images to counter out the negative ones you mention in this blog.

Hang in there Marlene and don't give up. Things will get better.

Lisa, I understand what you are saying. But even if a woman has a child out of wedlock that man should be responsible and be a father to that child. I know many white women who got pregnant out-of-wedlock and most of the time the man married them or at the very least he did not abandon that woman and child. What if black women like too many black men walked away from the responsibility of that child. I'm a single mother who has never been married. I never intended to have a child before marriage but things happen. You're defending the brothers and that's okay because there are many brothers who do marry or want to marry and who do take care of their children. But there are way too many who don't marry and who don't take care of the children they helped bring into this world. There are far too many BM who want s*x and fun, but don't seem to understand the importance of marriage and family. I've had many BM pass me by or I've had to cut them loose because I now refuse to engage in s*xual activities before marriage and because I have standards. They look at me like well, if you don't go along with the game plan then some other woman will.

Many BW don't set standards because of the fear of being alone. I'm an attractive, educated, blessed and highly favored woman. I'm not insecure, there's no drama in my life, I'm not looking for someone perfect and I live in Atlanta where there are lots of BM. But it is very difficult to find a quality BM. And I know many terrific BW who also can't find a quality BM. And again, many settle for a man who disrepect or use them because they are tired of being alone. Frankly, I'm disappointed in BM. Too many are acting like boys not men. I'm tired of seeing so many of our children hurt because they don't have both parents in their lives. And again it shouldn't matter if those parents aren't married. You bring a child into this world both people not just the woman are responsible for raising that child. As BW we need to demand not hope that our BM do better. No more excuses for them. And as BW we have to stop compromising and continue to strive for excellence not just in our careers but also in our relationships.

Hold up, wait a minute. If you read the blog & understood it...you'd know that I was posting a question for discussion. FYI-I'M MARRIED, girlfriend. It takes work, bottom line. I don't shun anyone for the "choices" they make. We all made a bed to lay in, some more comfortable than others. Don't ever feel too good or sanctified. Glory to God, all things are possible when we trust in the Lord. Remember this, God Giveth & Taketh away. Be humble.

With Prayer 4 You,
Marlene

Hi E Private,

I like the way you tied that all together. I believe that Black men, can choose to be upright, or choose to be deadbeats. The majority that we hear about thanks to media's portrayal, choose to be deadbeats. It's this societal misconception that "black men" don't take care of their families. Before marrying, I was a single mom. I worked and attended college FULL TIME, while singlehandedly raising my son. This was 10 yrs ago. I can relate to women who are living this reality today; because I've lived it. I never shun or dismiss women who share my story. My post above which starts "Hold up wait a minute..." is directed towards Lisa Hunter. Women like her need to humble themselves. All that glitters ain't gold. Too often we as Black women get caught up in separatism, and hurtful behaviors towards one another. Whether we like it or not, we all have something in common, and its not just our ethnicity. LOL. I'm glad this question is fueling such a poignant discussioin. I hope my future blogs generate such passionate talks between us women.

Be Blessed E Private,
Marlene

True. We should have passionate conversations which look to embrace and uplift. I was single at one time, too and I have never forgotten what that is like. My heart is always with single sistahs raising their children alone. God bless you Marlene for never forgetting, either.

E Private I agree with your comments about married women looking down on unmarried women who are single mothers. And it's not just married women but also single women who aren't single mothers. They always have the attitude that they would never get themselves in that situation. Whatever. I'm proud of what I've accomplished and how I've successfully raised a wonderful young man. I pray that I will be an example to young teen mothers that think that because they are a single mother that they have failed. Life is what you make it. There were and are many contributing factors that led to the current state of the black family. But we have to break the cycle. No more excuses. I'm not disagreeing with some of your comments but they still sound like we are making excuses for black men to continue to be irresponsible.

I think that as black women, we should stop allowing black men to define us. Please, married or not, black men will cheat, disrepect women and lead double lives. We have to be happy with ourselves and not wait for the black man to do right. Women need to stop trying to change black men. You are what you are. I don't think it has anything to do with poverty because some men with money are just as bad as the poor. We have to open ourselves up to other options beside black men. There are men of different ethnic background that will honor, love, cherish and respect a black women. Women should not limit themselves and settle for less. I lived in Atlanta Georgia before and found that there are at least 10 women to everty man. This gives black men the sense that they can mistreat black women and have multiple partners. It is the women who allow this to happen. Many educated women settle for whatever they can get instead of allowing God to place the right man in there lives. If you wait for the perfect man to have children, you'll be over 40 and your eggs all dried up before this happens. We need to live life and stop complaining about men. None of them are perfect and they mess up at times. You can be married to the same man for 20 years and he can fall in love with another woman.

Hey Melody, Holla. Your points are married. Yes a brotha can be married for 20 yrs, then change teams. I hear that. I think its key that as women I demand the level of treatment we'd like (i.e. conducting ourselves accordingly to how we want to be treated), spend time learning prospective mates (i.e. not just 1-2 weeks, + 1 movie and dinner, lol). You can never put anything pass anyone. I pray for the best, attend church with the hubby & children, let go and let God, and play full court in my marriage. If another woman can sway him to stray, he never really committed to me anyway.