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Going home..

Marta Fernandez · Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 1:36PM · 246 views
Some of you know that I take care of my mom full time..some of you know that as mother and daughter we have struggled through our lives together and while apart..she is getting tired..she is letting go..I cannot stand it...I don't want her to go..I have never been this close to someone that I love.."getting their vehicle, as Michelle would say..ready for departure..I haven't finished doing for her yet..she just can't go now..not now.. hang in there mom..I have to get you to the eye doctor,I promised you that we would try to get your sight back in one eye at least..today is Juan your son's birthday..do you remember mom? hang in there..don't let go...don't go mom..please. I'm sorry everyone, but I have to get this pain out..

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Comments (14)

Marta Fernandez Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 1:38PM

just having a moment..I won't stop trying to keep her with me as long as I can..I just won't give up.

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V. D. Coleman Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 1:48PM

i am praying and know the burden ..struggle.. and gift of taking care of parents.. i helped take care of my grandmother ..then my father and nowmy mother... IT IS HARD... just enjoy each day.. EACH MOMENT.. with her as much as you can.. because when they are dont fighting.. all you can do is thank God for the years.. get all of your hugs in and then you have to let go... we are NEVER ready to let them go even when they are sick.. i thought that i would be when my father was dying of cancer... its been a year and its still fresh.. im praying for you sis.. and remember.. cherish every day now .. especially since you said that you see that she is tired.. ( mind ..body..soul and spirit ) i send you peace and strength..

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V. D. Coleman Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 1:51PM

im not saying give up my sister... im saying since you see her mind set.. YES do all that you can to keep her days happy and filled with sunshine ... i want my father and grandmother back with me as well...... i pray long life.. and GOD have his way with you BOTH during this time

Marta Fernandez Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 1:53PM

Thank you..because for some reason I am having a very emotional day..I cannot tell if something is going to happen or maybe I am just stressed...thank you for taking he time to share your comforting words..I thought I had made peace with myself 30 years ago, on her date with destiny..I guess we are never ready to let go.. every hour or so I go to check on her..this is awful..

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V. D. Coleman Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 1:55PM

sis.. it will be like that ......trust me.. you are not cooko either.. its just called LIFE and we sometimes have to feel LIFE in the most awful ways sometimes.. i know it hurts.. LOVE ON HER HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D. Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 2:07PM

Thats right MY SISTERS, I lost my daughter last year this time and it's the greatest PAIN any one can endure. She"ll always, Always be with you. BELIEVE THAT. I can speak on it. I LOVE YOU MARTA, and you too SISTER VALARIE !!!!! Doc.

Marta Fernandez Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 2:20PM

I am going to force myself to get up right now and start cleaning the house..that's what we do..I thank all of you who have experienced what apparently I am getting ready to..for reminding me that this too shall pass..so let me get busy and give her as much love as I can..it all began yesterday when Michelle spoke a truth..she said and I pass it on" treat her they way you would have liked for her to have treated you.." so profoundly right in the bulls eye..seems like I am going to have a growth spurt suddenly and it's going to hurt. to Sis Blaylock..again my sympathies for not having your daughter with you in the flesh..and today God sent a message and told me to love her anyway..hmmm..that love thing is pretty powerful, eh? Her cell phone somehow connected to mine and it rang and I heard a conversation that let me know she is not a "little girl anymore" ..since I know there are no accidents in the universe..this was another blow..she is married but still.....I don't know what is going on today, I am getting a right left one two punch. Mom and daughter ..so what would a Goddess do?

Jen Fad Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 2:32PM

Wow Marta. It isn't easy. My heart and prayers go out to you and your beautiful mother. God Bless You and strengthen your heart during this trying time in your life. Take care.

melba thomas Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 3:35PM

Marta, I'm really sorry about your mom. There is a little something that I have learned over the years and I would like to share it with you and maybe you might have already heard it. God will not take us home until we have completed what he had intended for us to do while we are here on this side. If your mother has completed her course, have fought a good fight, and kept the faith. The Lord is ready to give her, her crown and tell her well done my good and faithful servant. Even though it might be hard for you, but look at it this way. Ask yourself do I want to be a hindrance to what my mother has been waiting for. Then after you come to terms with the possibility, because we really don’t know only God knows the time and the hour. Then let God will be done. God bless you sister, I haven’t lost my mother yet so I can’t say that I know what you are going through, all I can say is to trust God He said that He would give us the peace that passes’ all understanding and my prayer is that you obtain that peace.

Marta Fernandez Wednesday, September 10th 2008 at 9:26PM

The irony is , about four years ago, mom kept saying she wanted to die..and I was the one that told her..God will take you home in his time not yours..what has happened to me is that she has totally been entrusted to my care..and it takes a noble heart and courage that maybe I amn ot worthy of? I don't really know..but I guess I 'm just sayin' I don't want her to go on my watch..so is it me or is it her?

Edith Pettaway Thursday, September 11th 2008 at 7:39AM

I could but I was in Northern California and she in Southern California, if I knew then what I know now, I would have left my husband and job to take care of her in the final years. She passed in 1980 I no longer have the pain, but I do have the joy of remembering the things she taught me. When I make the bed in the morning it is her hand that guides me, when I do my morning hygene her hand guides me, while I go about my daily routine she guides me. ANd now that I am approaching the age she was when she passed it is her face I see in the mirror.
My daily prayers shall include you and your mother, you never have to let go, she is only leaving her worn, tired body behind. Your mother will always be with you, I see it in your picture together. You are her joy right now. God will bless you for this.

Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D. Thursday, September 11th 2008 at 10:46AM

Thank you Sister, for letting her know again, that she will Always be with her.

Marta Fernandez Thursday, September 11th 2008 at 2:46PM

I could not have found a better place to share my pain. Thank you for your wisdom. I do not know what I am facing..and your words allay my fears..she is stronger today..I took the kind words of advice...MIchelle's words ringing my ears..treat her the way you would have wanted her to treat you..that is what I am doing.. somehow she "disconnected" last week..maybe I was fussing too much..maybe I didn't talk to her enough..she is coming around and I am also making sure that she gets her vitamins, and nutrients, and her cod liver oil..so that's the physical part..she is on not one medication. So if she will always be with me as you say, then I better shore myself up and create wonderful times together..and stop worrying about myself for a minute..forget about what she did or didn't do; what she said or didn't say and cherish her every... now...I think I got it sisters, thank you. Blessings be upon you.

Marta Fernandez Monday, September 15th 2008 at 8:00PM

Your words are my nourishment sisters..as I re read these responses..thank you. I have to stay on point and keep my lantern. Thank you.

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