Why do some black men feel that they must make excuses why they don't date black women. For the love of your

Hey Sister Cheryl and wow you have sad a mouthfull, eh? I was just wondering if something recently happened that inspired you to write this blog?? For me, I also believe that skin color is just the amount of melanin in the skin... some have less and some have more.

I have really gotten immune to people and their choices in mates. I think committment is more important in a relationship and that love will come when people work hard to make one another happy. I don't feel that men don't necessarily love their mothers because they choose to date outside their race.

I for one have been of the opinion that women of color should seek outside of the color line for suitable mates, because there are plenty of choices of suitors who will make great husbands. Life is too, short to be concerned about what men of color need to do especially when it doesn't really affect anything about our own individual relationships.

Hello Sister Jen, I was recently reading an article where a black men were explaining why they choose to date white women, and some of them not all, but most was using the black women as an excuse and I thought it would be a great topic to write about. We don't need to use a negative to make something positive. I'am not saying that men do not love their mothers, they seem to be painting a description of their mothers and sisters. The women in your life, you are the closes too seem to have an influence on how you think about the opposite s*x.
Thanks Jen for your response.

Jen, from my observation, we as black women are not aggresive as our counterparts. Men of other races would be more likely to approach black women, but seem to be fearful of rejection. ( Concerning seeking outside of the color line for suitable mates) I agree with that statement. I agree with committment, but it takes unconditional love in a marriage

Interesting on the different views people have on black men dating white women..doesnt bother me at all. You have white men and some Italian men that only date ethnic women..its not a prejudice its a preference. I dont think a black man dislikes his ethnicity or his mother by choosing to be with a white woman. Love has no color. I have never dated an American man and Im of mixed ethnicities. Congratlations on your marriage being healthy and much alive after so many years. I deal with a lot of black and white men in my line of work. Black men prefer a passive woman so he can take the lead at all times. I believe a lot of ethnic women place their standards too high and have nothing to offer except cooking and s*x..that does not keep a man. Im not so religious but too many people say that if God is the reason for the union it will last..I had an aunt and uncle marriede for 20 years plus and divorced..Ethnic women always want to be in charge. Not every man is a good leader, therefore I bow to noone or become submissive for any earthly man..to each is own..White women and black men are highly offended when they see me with a man outside of my race..ask me if I care..Love has no color.I have a very interacial family and I love them all. Great topic

Hello Antoinette, thanks so much for your response. Can you please share some things that ethnic women can contribute to a relationship. What is your point of view on that. You find now that many ethnic women in todays society have more to offer then just cooking and s*x, because you are right that alone does not keep a man or a husband.

@"I don,t think a black men dislikes his ethnicity or his mother" Antoinette, I'am not saying that, I'am saying by the excuses he gives as a reason why he choose to date white women. don't put another race down because your preferrence is to date other nationallities. We should not use anyone as an excuse for why we date or who we date. We should love for who they are inside over who they are outside.

Cheryl,

In response to: {Can you please share some things that ethnic women can contribute to a relationship. What is your point of view on that. You find now that many ethnic women in todays society have more to offer then just cooking and s*x, because you are right that alone does not keep a man or a husband. }

Some ethnic women (not all) lack self confidence and always expect a man to lead. What I have learned is that men actually desire an independent woman secretly. A man wants a woman who is a total package but does not remind him daily or often of her strengths. In my past relationships, I've always ended the relationship because the men were insecure (even broke off an engagement) because of my success not my demeanor or from aggressiveness. I'm far from an agressive person (unless it's business of course) in my personal affairs. I'm extremely soft spoken but firm. I'm well aware that ethnic women are climbing the ladder of success rapidly (also other races) and this is becoming a threat to the average man. One of my quotes is, " A successful woman is a silent threat to any man" Believe it or not, a lot of my married friends/associates come to me for marriage advice and I've never been married. I'm an extremely firm believer in putting God first in everything but some people become "too religious" and that becomes a turn off in many relationships. I was raised in a Christian home so prayer and church was always staple. My parents had a strong, loving marriage until my father passed way when I was 11. I have more male friends than female friends so they share a lot of information with me in regards to "what men do, say and why they do it". I'm working on several books right now that will actually flabbergast the audience of readers. A man can be fed his favorite dish, watch ESPN, hang out with the fellows, be a good father etc. but if that man is not "mentally" being fed then he will always be "looking" for someone else in the relationship. I really can't elaborate further due to my schedule but I hope I answered your question.

Have a succesful and productive day!

Thanks for sharing Antoinette. You have a lot of wisdom. I agree with you. We should not expect a man or men to lead, considering we have not agreed to a partnership in marriage, but if he is the husband he is expected to lead. Remember Eve got Adam in trouble.:-) Some women expects the man they are dating or courting to take charge during the development stage of their relationship which causes pressure in the relationship.
I would like to add to what you said about lack of confidence. God made the man and we try to change the man. He is who he is and we try to make him into what we think he should be. If you ever want to loose a mans heart beat him up with your words. If you ever want to have his heart tell him what is truly in your heart. Tell him how you really feel if he walks away, then he was not the one for you. Do this before you say I do.

Jen and Antoinette keep me up to date on how you ladys are doing and on your future projects and I will keep you in my prayers.