WHEN MEN SAY THEY NEED TO GET THERE SELF TOGETHER AND CANT COMMIT TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!

I think that if a man say he need to get his self together in other words this means that he is not ready, Which can be a good thing because I feel that marriage should not be pressured. This can result in feelings of resentment and regret for both parties. Marriage is a very serious partnership, and divorce is painful and expensive I speak from experience, if he still playing his role as your man, and you think he is worth waiting for then give him time, If you feel like he is not worth it then keep it movin

It depends on how long you've been together? If he's not together after years, then he probably will never be! If you've been togetehr say a short while less than 6month to a year then I'd say give it some time provided that he's laying a time frame and plan. If he's not giving any concrete plans of his own accord, he's probably just not wanting to hurt you by sayiing he's not ready to marry you or anyone else for that matter; more or less he wants to be friends with benefits. It's up to you, but as my grandma often says, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? A man will milk you until you're dry if you let him. In the end, you end up dehydrated, depleted, and used. The call is up to you, but listen to your "gut" and it will never lead you wrong. What is it telling you?

Sister, you did not mention how long the two of you have been dating and whether or not you have children by this man, however based on what's written so far, it could be one of two things:

a.) He's leading a double life (meaning there's another lover or lovers presently in the picture and he's only interested in you for s*x); or,

b.) He's having trust issues resulting from a previous marriage and hasn't fully recovered.

It it's answer A, then accept the fact that this is not the type of man you should be wasting time with, let him go, and move on with your life. If you keep displaying yourself as a booty call this man will continue to see you as just that...a booty call.

However, if it's answer B, and you obviously care enough about this man that you are willing to seek out ways to get him to build trust in you, the only advice I can offer to you is to be yourself. If you are a person worthy of love, then let your light and beauty shine through and this man shouldn't have any more problems committing himself to you.

Sister Siebra,
That's a great question you posed about whether kids are involved. I wish I had thought to ask! It's a whole other ballgame when kids are in the mix, eh?

Thanks ladies!!!!I been knwoing him since 2005 and back then i was young and at times we both only wanted one thing and here it is 2009 keep in mind we both had kids and got married to other people and 2009 comes around and we are both single not looking for anything and we happen to fall or should i say care for each other and 2011 he tells me he needs to get his self together i agree cause he got problems i do to but we cont.to still do take care of each other as far as being there he got back i got his and now i guess i get to th e point of moving on and he cant take it my friends are like wait on him but my heart tells me to move on and put all my love and energy into my son and get closer to GOD but we dont have a child together so why should i wait?? I'm so confused right now i dont know what to do

I think you may have to ask Steve Harvey (LOL)...

Sister, I say it all depends on how long you two have been apart from your exes and if both of you can separate the old relationships from the present. If you both have been apart from your exes for more than a year and you both love each other and can continue you all's relationship without any insecurities or comparing every man/woman to your estranged spouse, I think it could work.

If you two have been apart from your exes for over a year you two have already had closure. Now I ain't never been married (however engaged once), but I agree that when a person has closure from their previous relationship it is a lot easier to move on with a new one.

So if you two can continue your relationship with no insecurities, go for it, follow your hearts, because you only live once. Don’t worry about what anyone says, and listen to your hearts. Because your hearts will let you know what is right.

LOL thanks for are the Comments ladies!!!!

No problem glad we could help!!!

Sister Lee,
If your heart says to move on then that's what you need to do no matter how painful it might be. You know that gut never leads us wrong and you will appreciate it in the long run. How old is your son? I have a 5 year old and I put all my energy into being the best I can be for him.