Staring in the Shadows
This is the name of a book that I am currently working on, and would love to share it with everyone. Please offer feedback.
We are only human I know you have said these words to yourself a thousand times, because I know that I had. Whenever I made a mistake those words were never too far away. I also knew fellow Christians who used the cliché as well. It seemed to make us feel better in our current situation, and since many of us were not going anywhere anyway at the time it seemed to serve as a way for us to throw limits on ourselves. Now this was not our purpose we had no idea what we were saying when we said these words, but our minds were not being challenged to go to the next level. If I made a mistake in school, socially, or in a relationship I would just say well I made a mistake. Nobody is perfect, and I am only human. Instead of me trying to figure out what it was that caused that failed relationship, and figure out ways that I could have better relationships in the future. I summed it up in those four small words. No self reflection, no researching, no plans for the future. I dealt with everything on a nonchalant basis, and everything that I was doing today had no real impact on my future. Matter of fact I did not even know how to plan a future, and what that even meant. I thought that life was something that just happened to us without our control, and if we were blessed God would shield us from some of the pain that we felt. I was not the only person who thought this way almost everybody that I came into contact on a day to day basis had this same type of thinking. When I started on my journey of discovery and self reflection I was determined to live a better life than I was living now. I had become so sick with my pre existence of life that it was hard to just get out of bed in the morning, and even when I made it I had to drag myself around just to complete the day. At this point in my life I had left the church which was my covering, and decided to deal with everything on my own. Now I am not saying that was the right decisions, but at that point in my life I just wanted to be left alone. I did not want to be bothered with the stares, and dodging questions that Lord knows I did not want to answer. Not only did I no longer want to face the people who were supposed to be my friends. I did not want to face life as well. I became angry, bitter, and cynical. Not only were these characteristics ugly, but they begun to produce ugly results in my life. It had become very hard for me to see light at the end of the day. Everything around me had become very dark, and whenever someone tried to speak about goodness. I immediately disagreed with them, and I was not able to receive the message. It was as if I secretly liked being angry at the world. I mean if you are skeptical of everything, and you walk around with a chip on your shoulder it is hard for others to take advantage of you. Bingo that was the root of my problems I was tired of being used, and taking advantage of.
We are only human I know you have said these words to yourself a thousand times, because I know that I had. Whenever I made a mistake those words were never too far away. I also knew fellow Christians who used the cliché as well. It seemed to make us feel better in our current situation, and since many of us were not going anywhere anyway at the time it seemed to serve as a way for us to throw limits on ourselves. Now this was not our purpose we had no idea what we were saying when we said these words, but our minds were not being challenged to go to the next level. If I made a mistake in school, socially, or in a relationship I would just say well I made a mistake. Nobody is perfect, and I am only human. Instead of me trying to figure out what it was that caused that failed relationship, and figure out ways that I could have better relationships in the future. I summed it up in those four small words. No self reflection, no researching, no plans for the future. I dealt with everything on a nonchalant basis, and everything that I was doing today had no real impact on my future. Matter of fact I did not even know how to plan a future, and what that even meant. I thought that life was something that just happened to us without our control, and if we were blessed God would shield us from some of the pain that we felt. I was not the only person who thought this way almost everybody that I came into contact on a day to day basis had this same type of thinking. When I started on my journey of discovery and self reflection I was determined to live a better life than I was living now. I had become so sick with my pre existence of life that it was hard to just get out of bed in the morning, and even when I made it I had to drag myself around just to complete the day. At this point in my life I had left the church which was my covering, and decided to deal with everything on my own. Now I am not saying that was the right decisions, but at that point in my life I just wanted to be left alone. I did not want to be bothered with the stares, and dodging questions that Lord knows I did not want to answer. Not only did I no longer want to face the people who were supposed to be my friends. I did not want to face life as well. I became angry, bitter, and cynical. Not only were these characteristics ugly, but they begun to produce ugly results in my life. It had become very hard for me to see light at the end of the day. Everything around me had become very dark, and whenever someone tried to speak about goodness. I immediately disagreed with them, and I was not able to receive the message. It was as if I secretly liked being angry at the world. I mean if you are skeptical of everything, and you walk around with a chip on your shoulder it is hard for others to take advantage of you. Bingo that was the root of my problems I was tired of being used, and taking advantage of.
Thank you so much Ricky for you insight