The Question Remains....What Are You Willing to Die For?

In 2008 I attended a training with colleagues from within our 26 organizational member network that convened in Chicago. Following the general session, an intimate group of directors of color came together as for a Real Talk discussion. While we were all Executive Directors, we were all pretty clear that our titles, in essence meant nothing, but that what we did while we had them, would have a lasting impact. As there were 9 of us total in the network and only 6 in the meeting with one on a flight delay, we thought we would take time out to first, show solidarity and support for each other in the immensely challenging work we had all undertaken. We thought it beneficial to share why we were so committed to this work that kept us for such long hours, sometimes with little sign of progress, at least not immediate. We thought it helpful to openly discuss the challenges we faced, particularly hurdles that we had overcome or were in the process of overcoming, many of which were attributed to race and in some cases our gender and we brainstormed how we could serve as a system of support for each other while being spread all across the country. Before concluding our mini caucus, a final question was posed to us by our colleague and member of the national training team. A question that I and obviously, no one else in the room had thought about; “ASIDE FROM YOUR LOVED ONES, WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DIE FOR?”, while simply stated, the silence that fell in room was evidence enough that it was loaded and I mean heavy!
I, along with my colleagues answered the question, however, none of us , answered it with the ease and comfort we found in answering all of the previous questions. Of course after 30 years of living, we’re certain to have thought about death or dying and if you are as lucky as I was in college, you may have even had the dreaded opportunity of putting together your own obituary and planning your funeral, (expenses and all), but that’s a totally different story. This question presented another moment of clarity. This was the first time that any of us had been asked the question in a non rhetorical sense. Let’s be honest, it’s not every day you filter those kinds of thoughts and there certainly isn’t someone sitting across from you awaiting an answer if and when it was ever posed. So there we were, sitting silently, gazing at one another, wrapping our minds around the fact that we actually had a choice. No, necessarily a choice to die but a choice to decide which battle we would die fighting.
With the exception of those whose time had COME such as Great Grandma Sapp at 104 or Great Grandma Shelly at 89, I can honestly say that in my experiences, those loved ones that lost too soon were much less about their willingness to die as it was an unwillingness to live. At least, in a way that would preserve life. Be it drugs use or sales, alcohol abuse, poor health as a result of neglect and abuse, diet and overall unhealthy choices, no one that I knew that had taken the journey to the other side had made a conscious decision about what they would and wouldn't die for and even live for.
Attempting to respond to that question was likely one of my toughest challenges to date. Tough because while I was supposed to be answering it for myself, I couldn’t help but wonder what those I knew and loved would have chosen. I couldn’t help but to think about all of the things that had claimed the lives of friends and family much too soon and that they would have never CHOSEN to die for what they died for. I couldn’t help but wonder about what if they had ever taken time out to answer the question, what are you willing to die for?
Ultimately , we each answered the question, all vastly different responses and not one dry eye in circle. Over the last several months, that question remains in the back of my mind and surprisingly enough the answer has not changed much. What I didn’t realize then, however, I have come to realize. That in consciously choosing what I would be willing to die for, I have a new prescription for living. A prescription that says to live life ON purpose and WITH purpose. A prescription that says the opposite of WILL is not WON’T, but merely a lack of will and a prescription that says regardless of what battle I choose to die fighting, I will die fighting.
Today, I pose the question to each of you, WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DIE FOR? Take a risk and answer it. I guarantee you have nothing to lose, but you may surprise yourself by what you gain.
Being refined...
Melanie