It didn't take Ne-Yo's hit, "Miss Independent," to make us all aware of the fact that in this time of American Recession the idea of a woman who primarily depends on her man to provide for her basic needs is no longer flattering in the eyes of most men, and thereby the appeal of the yesterday's woman (the full-time housewife) is nearly non-existent. Nowadays, women who are able to handle their own finances are looked upon as desirable rare jewels, sought out by the best and worst of men, when it was once the woman who reflected sound inner values and moral character that was heavily smiled upon. So where has the shift of perception left us? Does a woman's paycheck now determine her worth in the world, and if so is this primarily the reason why our natural child barriers have produced, within the last few generations, such wild and unruly seeds? Of course, women around this country will testify that it's not solely a woman's job to raise the next generation. However, after centuries of earlier generations of women taking on the job, and doing it well, it only brings me to wonder: Has this same job resulted in such devastating effects because of today's woman's preoccupation with work that pays in dollars rather than good sense? And have women turned down the duty of being attentive and dedicated mothers, to earn a profession that may attract, who they figure to be, a good man or any man. I wonder.
Years back, when I first would hear men shout out that they wanted an independent woman, I would cringed. I'd tighten my jaws and fist and look at this men as scum-slackers, who only looked for working women so that they would have someone to spit the tab with for dinner, tackle on mortgage payments, and/or other oncoming bills that, on their own, would technically buried their manhood. I would grow angry at these men, and even more angry at the women who would willingly support them, for at least a season.
Now, despite the fact that I have become an independent woman, the thought of any man being attracted to me for this very reason is a turn off. I'm rather attracted to the man who considers my income irrelevant, and thinks of loving me with idea of totally supporting who I am, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially. But this is a yesterday's woman talking.
Regardless of the fact that I'm considered a today's woman by age, I was raised to value moral soundness over income, and believe that a woman's most important job is to properly raise the children; not to up her stock in the workplace to get that fancy car, that two car garage, and designer fit, in order to inevitably attract that man. But then again, perhaps the fact that I'm turned off by the mere thought, and simply disgusted by the men that perpetuate the idea, defines why I'm single. And being one of the 55% of single American women, who isn't gay, gives me the impression that I'm not alone.
So who are you?
Brothas, do you find yourself passing on a woman with good strong values and morals to pursue the sista that you'd consider less of a finacial burden? Do you find yourself seeking out the woman that doesn't need nor expect you to pay for her movie ticket or dinner? Does the mere idea of being looked at buy a woman and outfit or pay for her to get her hair done turn you off enough to look elsewhere?
Sistas, do you find yourself investing less in your child and your inner spirit, in order to devote more time, attention, and care into your image? If so, why do you do this? Is it to attract a special someone? Have you given it much thought? Are you sold by the cliche', Birds of a feather flock together, that you ahve chosen to devote your life to the business world, and thereby feel the need to work so that you can afford to look similar to that you wish to attract?
Personally I liked Jamie Fox's remix of independent woman :-). But on the real I think men want women who are stable and strong. Overtime the standards have of measuring these variables have changed. When it was expected that women stay home they often were the ones managing the home finances as part of taking care of the home and kids. As it became essential for both the man and woman of the house to work to make ends meet then men adopted the "independent woman" as a moniker for their ideal woman. Growing up I was always taught to be independent not to attrack a man but as a survival tactic in case something happened to my man. For the men I know it really doesn't matter because in the end it is a woman's ability to communicate, love and respect herself that really turns men on. What's the point in having an independent woman if you can't stand to be around her. No home is worth it if it is filled with disgust and frustration.
Thursday, July 9th 2009 at 11:03PM
crystal smith
