Want vs Choice - from the book "The Boaz Factor...When you are ready for the Real one!" (1037 hits)
I believe it is a rite of passage to have that one relationship that baffles us. Takes us through the ringer and leaves us at times bewildered. You can’t quite put your finger on why you are having the problems that you are. You make up your mind that it is over, but something happens that shows you a picture of what it should be like and before you know it, you are back together again with no change in the relationship.
It is at this point, that the relationship shifts to a state of being that I call, "The Non Relationship" relationship. We are together, well no, not really. We know how we feel about each other, just not a good time for us to be together. In the end we will be together, we are just going through right now. We know it will never be over between us, because what we feel for one another is undeniable. Even though we try to go on with other people, we both know we will come back to each other. Because we really don’t want to close the door on us, if the chance presents itself for us to finally get it together.
Sound familiar? It’s a non relationship relationship. It’s everything. It’s nothing. When you try to rationalize in your mind why you put up with it, you can’t. You really know you are in one when you began to repeat over and over the things that were said to you by this pers on. What you are doing is convincing yourself that you have not wasted your time for nothing.
When I asked the Lord why we put up with this, why do we spend so much of our heart on someone who we keep missing the signs with, He said, "You are constantly responding to his wants, but he has not made you his choice." That one cut deep. I asked God to explain it further and He did.
There are things that we want and we dream about those things all the time. We put a significant amount of energy into the thought process of each thing we want. We even picture ourselves with it. But when we really get serious, we began to make the hard choices in order to obtain it. We make a plan, count the cost and prepare to make the sacrifices to go after what we have chosen until we have it.
So does the opposite s*x. It is more of a cut and dry process. They don’t agonize the way we do over decisions. When a man makes up his mind about something, it’s like a steel trap door that has just shut.
The foundation of satisfying a want in a relationship is this: There is nothing life altering, life changing or permanent someone has to do to want you. They can and do live moment by moment as far as you are concerned.
Understanding that, we must get the true meaning of "want." It is the core of the non relationship relationship. It is not the desirous thing that happens when you love someon e. This particular want is equal to "options." They see you as one of many options that they have. If they want to sleep with you, they could. If they don’t want to call you for a while, they won’t. If they want to stop by, they will. If they just want to talk on the phone, that is ok too! OPTIONS. When the moment comes to choose an option, they live it to the fullest. So when they kiss you, it’s real. When they hold you, it’s real. When they call and act like you are the only one in the universe for them, at the time, you are. This is a satisfying a want in a relationship existence which will usually end in your heart being broken.
Now the person who is the choice, life is a totally different story. The person you are in a relationship with is now ready to make some permanent, life altering, life changing decisions where you are concerned. When you are the choice, everyone else is automatically x’d out. (Life altering) When you are the choice, they are emotionally making a decision to give you their heart. (Life changing) When you are the one chosen, the other person begins to rearrange their life to include you in it. On Purpose. (Life altering) When you are the choice, conversations move to careers, investments, future plans and money. (Life changing) They will not make a major move without you. (Life altering) When a man gives you his name, it is permanent.
Here is where we get messed up. While the other person is in "want" mode, we began to act as though we are the choice. We start making permanent decisions with a person who is in moment to moment mode with us. Selah.
Make a declaration today that you are no longer satisfying "wants" in a relationship. It’s time to be the choice.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. Psalms 84:11
