I'm a black man who up until last year was a very successful business owner who was fond of women. With the decline of the economy, my life turned upside down. About 6 months ago, I met and began dating a strong, professional, and very successful black woman. She accepted me despite my cashflow issues and I have since moved in with her. I'm in my 30's and divorced with one child and she's in her 30's, has never been married, and wants kids.
In this short period of time, she's become my best friend and I love her. I'm running into personal issues because I'm used to running things and now I feel like she's wearing the pants. I find myself subconsciously doing things that could hurt my relationship (this might be an example of that). After one of my rare episodes, she made a comment that asking why all the the mediocre chicks with mediocre jobs are running around here happily married with children but it's the strong successful black women who are always left to put up with some bull****.
She was angry because a 23yo ex in a different state texted me for some advice because she was feeling unattractive since she gets hit on by a lot of older guys. I told her she was beautiful and sexy, that she was mature for her age, and that younger guys were probably intimidated by her. We had spoken on the phone about this issue a few times as well. My ex knows I'm engaged and I discussed how much I am in love, so at first I didn't think I did anything wrong. When my signifigant other went through my phone and read the text messages (I don't hide my phone and told her she could go through it whenever she wanted), she flipped the fuk out. She made me call my ex on speaker and grabbed the phone and went nuts on her talking about what type of woman knows a man is in love and then tries to ruin a relationship.
She took my phone and sent herself all the text messages and has been reading them over and over and she's getting more and more insane. I apologized to her, told her I was inappropriate, and begged for her forgiveness. I've never thought of cheating on her but her dragging this on is really creeping me out and getting on my last nerve. Yesterday, after another beat-me-up discussion, she started throwing things and I had to leave for a while. When I came back, she wanted to rub it in my face that this was her house, she does so much with her job for us, while she working I have time to chat with that **** in her house (despite I'm looking for jobs all day), and that my contributions do not compare. Now this really irked me because I've never asked her to buy me ANYTHING and I've turned downthings from her. She does pay most of the time when we go out but I tell her I can't afford $100+ meals right now (she has expensive tatste), but I pay for less expensive things.
I guess my point is that I realize I may have hurt her, but I don't care what she has. I felt really disrespected and that's something I can't tolerate. Although I love her, I'm seriously debating packing my things and moving on. I'm a handsome guy who has never had issues with women and I would rather deal with a younger woman with a mediocre job who doesn't have as much baggage than this insanity. I really need the advice of some strong, professional, and successful black women because I really do love her but maybe I just need help dealing with her.
Although what you did was inappropriate, I would say she is blowing things out of poportion.. Afterall, you did apoligize I mean why is she continously beating a dead horse? from what I gather it sounds like she is a bit insecure, although she may be a succesful woman, success does not equate to personal confidence and security.. In addtion, Six months in my opinion, is not long enough to get to know a person well enough to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them.. Maybe you should just take a step back and take a good look at your relationship and figure out if it is something you really want, if not move on and working on getting your professional life back on track.. Wish you well!!
_______________________________ I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me..
I understand where you are coming from. I caught my x-man texting another woman and it went progressively down hill from there. I too am a strong independent woman and because we have had to be strong most of our lives, its not that easy to tone it down. Paitence with us will go a long way. Eventually if the love is there, we tend to let go of the power slowly. I think you should stay and try to work it out.
Well my advice to you would be take notice and appreciate the small things. If she was walking around saying things like: why all the less successful women have it all and I don't" Clear indication that you have not been full force on your job to love, encourage and appreciate your woman. With us women those little signs of speaking out are only done when the non verbal clues we send have continously been ignored. Now I do not just speak one sided because a relationship is a meeting and building of two minds together both hopefully going in the right direction.
Dedication towards being more compromising and practicing love and patience is important in relationships...just remember the day you both started dating...you were not distant, you wasn't more in tuned with other things..Your focus was on her and hers was on you. You spent building time with one another by constantly looking at and appreciating the great qualities each had with in and you encouraged those things by speaking forth that praise around each other. And yes that was very uncalled for you encouraging another full grown woman in another state, but I can also understand what made that possible...you also was feeling lack of love and attention. So once again my advice ..(especially if you both would love to see the sun over the rainbow one day), would be to put on some Brian McKnight and follow his advice...start back @ 1.