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The Struggle Is Real: 3 Ways You Can Stay Celibate While Dating { You Down With This Philosophy?? } (876 hits)


BY:  - 31 Aug '15 | Single

Black and Married With Kids.com

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You’ve made the commitment to God, yourself and your future spouse that you are going to wait to have s*x until marriage. You felt empowered when you made the decision, but now you’re just feeling…well, you know…horny! The struggle is real. You don’t want to break your vow, but the gospel music and cold showers ain’t cutting it. What do you do?

Let me share with you 3 tips that I teach my clients who struggle to remain celibate while dating.

Pay attention to your triggers

Does watching a romantic comedy turn on your imagination and desire for physical intimacy? Do you have friends who openly talk about their s*x lives, even though they know you’re waiting til marriage? Do you have “flashback” moments late at night when you relive past s*xual experiences?

If you’re not quite sure how to deal with temptation, click here to find out.

Thinking about s*x is normal. It’s part of having a s*x drive. You just want to make sure you are managing your thoughts so they don’t control you and cause you to make poor decisions.

Pay attention to your self-care

We all crave s*x, food, sleep and drink. If any one of these areas are deprived, we’ll overindulge in another area. Many of my clients find themselves craving companionship when they’re overwhelmed.

They’re taking care of everybody but themselves: their kids (if they’re a single parent), their parents, church, work, and community. When they finally come up for air, they long for physical touch and attention.

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There’s nothing wrong with needing to be loved. But the problem is when you’ve been starving yourself, you’ll reach for “emotional junk food.” You know, a guy who you know is no good, who you don’t even like, or who doesn’t want a relationship, just to fill the void.

In that moment, ask yourself this question: What do I need? Dig deeper than the physical urges. If you need physical touch, then get a massage or spend an entire day at the spa. I know, I know, it’s not the same, but if you’re truly committed to staying celibate, then you’ll want to look for healthy ways to get your needs met.

Pay attention to your boundaries

Finally, if you want to remain celibate while dating, create and maintain good boundaries. You might not be strong enough to spend the night at your new boyfriend’s house, even if you’re just sleeping on the couch!

Perhaps you two like to talk about all the things you’re going to do to each other when you get married, but if it’s stirring up your desires, you may need to tone it down. A good verse to remember is this: “”Oh let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe–and you’re ready.” Song of Solomon 8:4 (MSG)

If you honor your s*xual needs as normal but put good boundaries in place, you can keep your commitment to celibacy.

BMWK let’s talk! What are other tips you’d suggest to singles wanting to remain celibate? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 55 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

 

Posted By: Yaiqab Saint
Monday, August 31st 2015 at 2:41PM
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